


The Monster Marches to a Different Beat

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Dark, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Escapism, Explicit Sexual Content, Forced Bonding, Forced Marriage, M/M, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-02-09 17:26:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12893043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: The war is far from over but Negan finally gets one thing that he wants: Rick.





	1. Other Plans

**Author's Note:**

> OK so here i go writing another dark! regan fic that hopefully y'all enjoy.
> 
>  
> 
> fic title comes from bleed slow-atmosphere

Negan finally had his fucking prayers answered because there Rick was being dragged out of one the Sanctuary's vehicles.

 

 

It quite literally made his day that he practically skipped down to see the blue eyed leader tied up and gagged. He could see clearly that Rick had been beaten up pretty damn badly, he had a shiner and his lip was split. All Negan wanted to do was pull the younger man in and make him bleed a little more from that full bottom lip. But unfortunately he had more pressing matters like what he would do with his prize. He didn't have a goddamn clue what the names of the Saviors who captured Rick but they would be rewarded gratefully.

 

 

  
The way Rick stared into him made the whole thing even fucking better than it was because it indefinitely showed who had the bigger dick. And the verdict was that it definitely wasn't Rick. Which after all the stupid fucking death threats, dealing with the walkers that were unleashed on the Sanctuary, Negan was finally winning.

 

 

  
He took the gag out so he could see what the younger man had to say, only to get spat on. Thankfully the spit landed on his mouth so he'd have the insane pleasure of Rick watching him lick it away. Not only that but he thoroughly enjoyed the look on Ricks face when he slapped his bloodied up cheek. It was a blend of extreme hatred and grimacing pain. 

 

 

When Rick dropped to his knees voluntarily (probably because he was physically and emotionally exhausted) that's when Negan leveled with him. He stared right into those baby blues, and all he could see was pure defeat. Not to mention an insane amount of sexual tension that they still needed to resolve.

 

 

  
Negan gave specific instructions to have him thrown in "the hole" which was the same room both Dwight and Daryl knew all too well. It would be temporary until he really figured out what he was going to do. Since killing Rick would be granting him too much mercy he had to think outside the box this time. 

 

 

And the conclusion he finally came to was that he wanted to rip pieces of Rick away like petals from a rose and at this point it wouldn't be that hard.

* * *

 

 

  
Letting Rick stew in that disgusting room with only his boxers on was a great start to what was to come. Negan was getting pretty damn hard just thinking about Rick stripping down to almost nothing.

 

 

Negan palmed his dick through his jeans and teased himself a little by not touching it directly. He thought about Rick on his knees again only with his dick shoved into his mouth, the imaginary gagging noises almost made Negan cum in his pants. So instead of continuing to tease himself he quickly pulled his length out to stroke it quickly and it really didn't take long for him to spurt all over his hand. He cleaned his hand off with a wet cloth. This is what Rick fucking Grimes did to him. That blue eyed motherfucker just had to ruin him from the inside out.

 

 

  
With a head full of rage he stormed off to go visit his hot little prisoner just so he could taunt him a little bit. Maybe even give a brief summary about what was going to happen next. No one was on their way to save Rick either and if they tried he would pop up at Alexandria and kill every last one of them. He knew for a damn fact they didn't have the numbers anymore. And they knew that obviously since they weren't coming to Ricks rescue just yet.

 

 

  
Negan shooed away the guards that stood outside of Ricks door and opened it wide. "Well well well..what do we have here? Oh right, the former bad ass Rick Grimes."

 

 

  
"What do you want?" Rick glared up at him. "I thought you were gonna kill me?"

 

 

  
"That plan is right off the fucking table and you know why? Death would be too goddamn easy. I could bash your skull in until all that's left is a mess of curls and brains. Or I could chop you into pieces and deliver you to your people. But I don't wanna do that shit 'cause like I said it would be too easy. What I have planned is..well let's just say you'll wish I had used Lucille on you."

 

 

  
"I don't care what you do to me just leave my family and my people outta this."

 

 

  
Negan tsked and pointed Lucille right in Rick's face. "I don't think you're in the best position to make any fucking demands. And truth be told you **_never_** were in the position to do so."

 

 

  
"They'll beat you." Rick gritted out.

 

 

  
"What'd you say? I didn't quite catch that." Negan cupped his ear.

 

 

  
"I said they'll beat you, you piece of shit. We may not have the numbers anymore but we're stronger than you..whether you kill me or whatever the hell..you won't win."

 

 

  
"Actually I will win just because I have the fucking numbers. Your problem from the start has always been you waving your dick around just a little too much. "

 

 

  
Rick huffed a laugh right at him. "You're one to talk."

 

 

  
Even in dire circumstances Rick was still a sassy little fucker and Negan couldn't help but admire that a little. If he was in Rick's predicament he would probably be spouting off the mouth regardless if he got killed or not.

 

 

  
"Go on, keep actin' tough but I do plan to release you in a couple of days and you'll be even less functioning than you are right now. I can  guaran-fucking-tee that."

 

 

Just as Negan was leaning down to get up in the younger mans face he felt a fist in his side. Of fucking course Rick would try to escape or at least get a punch or two in before getting subdued. Negan clutched his side as Rick's rough punches collided with his body, he couldn't exactly fight him off with how fast he was going. It was pretty damn obvious that Rick was exerting himself so he'd just wait.

 

 

When the next punch wasn't as hard as the rest he slammed Rick's head against the door. Some blood came out of the younger mans mouth and he spat it right at Negan who just cackled. One thing he could respect was how Rick just didn't quit even if everything was stacked against him. But he wouldn't just let him escape or try to because that just looked bad on his part. So he grabbed onto Rick who was squirming under his touch and heaved him onto the floor.

 

 

Two of his men rushed back towards the scene and one of them had some flashy handcuffs (the ones with the pink fluff on them.) Negan gleefully flipped a weakened Rick over onto his stomach, straddled his ass then slapped the cuffs on. The man who gave him the cuffs handed the keys over and stood by just in case their assistance was needed.

 

  
"You're a feisty fucking thing huh, Rick?"

 

 

"Fuck you." Rick growled against the dirty floor his face was pressed into.

 

 

  
"You know what I think I'm gonna get started with the whole breaking you thing. I'm gonna have so much fucking fun with you, yes I am." Negan got off the younger man and ordered his two Saviors to bring Rick to his room in five minutes.

 

 

* * *

 

Negan searched throughout his drawers to see if he could find the perfect thing for Rick to wear. He found a black bodystocking and lacy black panties. The material was stretchy but would hug in all the right places on Rick.

 

 

  
He waited and waited until finally those same two Saviors showed up with Rick who was struggling against the handcuffs.

 

 

Something about seeing the younger man like this was ten times hotter than getting a sloppy blowjob.

 

 

"I'll take it from here." Negan waved them away.

 

 

  
Once they were finally alone he pushed Rick towards the couch, unlocked the cuffs quickly and then waited for him to listen.

 

 

  
Negan frowned when he noticed Rick wasn't obeying him. "Sit the fuck down or I'll make you do it."

 

 

  
With a hell of a lot of reluctance Rick did sit down right on the couch opposite from his black leather one. Negan clutched onto the lingerie and could see the fear in Rick's eyes, the fear about was happening next.

 

 

  
"I want you to put this on for now, now I know it looks a little intimidating but fuck, I think you'll look great in it."

 

 

  
"No." Rick grounded out. "I won't."

 

 

  
"It's this or I'll make you eat dog food sandwiches like your buddy Daryl had to. He looked like he ate squirrel so I doubt it made much of a difference for him." Negan flicked his tongue beneath his teeth.

 

  
It seemed that Rick wouldn't listen if he was asked nicely so Negan picked Lucille up from the side of the couch. Negan pointed her at Rick once again and saw how the younger man was shaking like a rattle.

 

  
"Do. it . now."

 

 

  
Rick snatched the lingerie from Negans hands and got up from his spot to shamefully head to the bathroom.

 

 

  
"No no no. You're putting it on out here where I can fucking see you, I wanna watch."

 

 

The younger man glared so hard at Negan that he couldn't help but let out a laugh, he really thought that glare was intimidating. It was a lot more annoying than anything else. Negan sat back in the couch as Rick slipped down his light blue boxers.

 

 

  
"Now this time I won't make you put the panties on, that will be for next time. Just get that body stocking on for me. "

 

 

  
It looked like Rick wanted to say something but relented which said to Negan that he was finally understanding the situation. His eyes followed every movement that Rick made and once the younger man got it on he slow clapped. The body stocking was fish net from top to bottom, it had an opening in the middle and Rick's dick was out completely. All he wanted was for Rick to turn around so he could see how that cute little ass of his looked in fishnet. 

 

 

  
Negan whistled in the most objectifying way possible. "Goddamn you look delicious."

 

 

  
"Can I take it off now?" Rick deadpanned.

 

 

"You know the answer to that stupid question, Rick. Now I want you to sit back down on the couch and relax. Don't bother hiding Rick junior either."

 

 

Negan was already hard but now his dick was aching just seeing Rick in revealing lingerie, he sent a silent blessing to whoever's lingerie that was because he had no clue.

 

 

  
"I want you to touch yourself for me okay? Give yourself a few much needed strokes then we'll get to the real fun stuff. I want you to show me that you're enjoying it too, no gritting your teeth like a fucking dog."

 

 

  
"Fine." Rick responded with absolutely no emotion on his face.

 

 

  
"That's a good boy. Now chop chop! I ain't got all fucking day to wait for you to do some amateur porn shit."

 

 

  
Negan got comfortable for the show that Rick was undoubtedly going to put on for him (if he knew what was good for him.) There was a shakiness to Rick's movements at first but eventually he started stroking himself properly. And that was when Negan got a better idea so he told Rick to start playing with one of his nipples. His tone of voice was enough to make Rick begin doing that.

 

 

"Fucking fuck you're so sexy." Negan growled as he gripped his own hard on. "Rub that pre cum all over your head for me."

 

 

  
Rick reluctantly did so and a moan escaped his lips despite the clear agitation the younger man was feeling.

 

 

  
"Keep moaning just like that, Rick."

 

 

The way that fishnet body stocking looked on Rick was so damn hot that Negan wanted to jump out of his seat but he would have to wait. Right now he was just enjoying the sight of Rick biting down on his lip, twisting his left nipple and rubbing his hard, glistening dick.

 

 

  
Negan just knew this was going to be fucking fun.

 


	2. Weakness & Shame

Fun was an understatement because holy fucking shit, Rick was real slutty when he wanted to be. Not only did he do that little hip swing he walked but he moaned like some experienced porn star. Maybe they'd met earlier and not in shitty circumstances they would have been a power couple.

 

 

Unfortunately Rick was the leader of the piss patrol.

 

 

 

Negan got up and slapped Rick's hand away so Rick would stop stroking himself, then his hand ghosted over the younger man's length. Everything about this scenario was completely against the rules he'd implemented. And he knew that Rick didn't want to fuck him, at least not really. But he would manipulate the situation to get what he wanted which would be a yes from Rick's trembling pink lips.

 

 

He gripped Rick's chin hard and instead of tear filled eyes like the first time, he got some heated defiance. Which was just as hot as the tears were. His dick was just aching for a rough touch, the very touch that Rick would give him if he just asked politely. Though instead of rushing right into it he'd torture himself for a few more minutes. When his fingers tugged at the one abused nipple Negan noticed that Rick was fighting the urge to moan for him. It was cute but Negan was determined to make Rick give in.

 

 

"Repeat after me: I'm a fucking slut." Negan said slowly and when Rick didn't respond he used his glove hand to slap his cheek.

 

 

Rick cocked his head to the side. "I'm..a..fuckin'..slut."

 

 

  
"Damn fucking right you are and when I say some shit to you, I need a goddamn response. Okay?"

 

 

And just as Negan expected he only got a fucking nod out of Rick as if that was a good enough response for him. Negan violently pulled Rick's face towards his, and it really reminded him of that day. 

 

 

"Speak when you're fucking spoken to!" Negan snapped. "I guess I need to repeat what I did the first time around. You answer to me, you provide for me, you belong to me."

 

 

  
Sometimes he wondered why he was so fascinated by a weak, sniveling, defiant mess. But that was partially why he was so fascinated by Rick Grimes. The fact that he didn't just do what he said right away, he needed that extra push to run across the goddamn finish line.

 

 

Rick's voice was loud enough to hear but he sounded weakened. "I answer to you, I provide for you..I - I belong..to you."

 

 

"That's right and you'll be wise to remember that shit." Negan continued to grip Rick's probably sore chin. "No more thinking that you're the good guy who makes it to the end of the rainbow or some bullshit like that.  Now, stand over there."

 

 

The younger man obeyed his order which pleased Negan so much that he was a little more gentle this time, he got Rick to lift his leg onto the arm of the couch. Negan admired how the fishnet hugged Rick's body from head to toe then he gave him his next order.

 

 

  
"Okay, Rick. Now I want you to get one of those fingers of yours wet in your mouth and then I want you to stick that very finger inside yourself."

 

 

Rick closed his eyes for a second. "Fine."

 

 

  
"Damn, I almost expected you to tell me no 'cause what I had planned if you did say that shit was fucking fantastic."

 

 

  
Negans mouth went agape when Rick wet his finger between those perfect lips of his. That wasn't even the best part because after some suggestive sucking he pulled it out then positioned it behind his ass. The look on Rick's face as he slid his finger inside himself was priceless. He would describe it as a mix between curiosity and shock.

 

 

He saw the embarrassment on Rick's face clear as day but he gestured for him to continue. And hot damn when Rick fingered himself slowly it was some of the best entertainment he'd gotten lately.

 

 

There were so many fantasies running around in Negan's head that he didn't know which one to choose.

 

 

One fantasy he had was letting Rick finger himself until he finally found his prostate and experienced that thrill ride on his own.

 

 

Second fantasy he had was depriving Rick of that pleasure then making him get on his knees so Negan could see his dick sucking skills.

 

 

And the very last fantasy which seemed to be the best one, involved Negan letting Rick experience that shuddering pleasure then putting those handcuffs back on.

 

 

Negan decided to go with the latter and settled down across from Rick. He unbuttoned his own jeans so he could finally give his dick some much needed attention. "Don't stop what you're doing."

 

 

  
"I-I won't." Rick sputtered out.

 

 

  
"That feel good, Rick? To give yourself that much needed pleasure? Not that you deserve to feel any right now but hey I can be nice sometimes."

 

 

  
When Rick shot a glare in his direction he just laughed it off because wow, this guy was so fucking bold. Negan knew for damn certain that Rick hated having to do this, which is what made it that much more enticing. He was giving Rick some leniency until he finally grabbed that hope he still had and squeezed the life out of it.

 

 

"Y-yes." Rick gasped.

 

 

Squeeze.

 

 

  
"Go deeper for me, I can guarantee that you'll lose your fucking shit." Negan had a wolf like grin on his face that seemed to make Rick hesitant all over again.

 

 

  
Squeeze.

 

 

  
Negan stopped stroking himself for a second just to be able to pay attention to Rick fully. Everything was extremely still and Rick's fingers were moving a bit higher then it clearly hit him. The younger man was gasping and shaking like a leaf. That was the money shot in Negans opinion.

 

 

 

"That's all the self inflicted pleasure you get for today."

 

 

 

  
Choke.

 

 

  
When he advanced on Rick he saw the panic which ultimately turned made Rick go into flight response. And that caused him to scramble for his clothes. So he stupidly decided to grab Ricks shoulder only to be met with a swift punch to the jaw. The most hilarious part was that Rick was fucking naked and scraped all the same.

 

 

  
Negan spat the blood that was pooling in his mouth out. "You crazy motherfucker."

 

 

  
"I'm crazy? You got me jerkin' off in front of you like I'm in some goddamn porno. Just kill me if you're gonna do that by the end of this whole damn thing. I'm fuckin' sick of playin' your games, Negan."

 

 

  
"And I'm sick of your piss poor attitude you pathetic, whiny, piece of shit."

 

 

  
Rick went to swung at Negan again only for his wrist to get caught in the process. "Let. me . go."

 

 

  
"Get on the bed or this will get extremely unpleasant and I don't wanna do anything I'll fucking regret."

 

 

  
"You gonna rape me?" Rick laughed almost hysterically. "I expected that much from someone like you."

 

 

  
Negan barreled them both backwards so they landed on his bed roughly and Rick struggled beneath him. Evidently he was ten times stronger at the moment. He held Ricks hands up above his head then smiled down at his fishnet covered body.

 

 

  
"It depends on how you look at this situation 'cause on the outside you don't want me but on the inside, I knooow you do." Negan sing songed.

 

 

  
"You're wrong." Rick seethed. "I'd rather fuckin' die."

 

 

  
"Sorry gorgeous but death ain't on the table..at least..not today. But what is on the table is finally resolving all this sexual tension between 'cause fuck, there's so much of it."

 

 

  
Rick grimaced beneath him. "I don't know what you're talkin -"

 

 

  
"Actually you fucking do and don't think I forgot how you've checked me out too. I seem to recall you being the one who glanced at my fucking lips. What were you thinking in that moment, Rick?"

 

 

  
"Get on with it, whatever you're gonna do just do it."

 

 

 

Negan's hands traced over Rick's sides, he felt the fishnet against his palms and the rare feeling of bare skin. 

 

 

 

"How do you want it? I bet you like it a little rough sometimes, don't you? Tell me Rick, does that hot ass girlfriend of yours ride you til kingdom come?"

 

 

  
"Keep her outta this." Rick snapped.

 

 

Negan slapped him in the face again but this time a little bit harder than the last. "I'll say whatever the fuck I want, Rick. Last I checked you don't tell me what the fuck to -"

 

 

  
Once again instead of just being a compliant little bitch..Rick just had to do something stupid. This time it came in the form of Rick head butting him with extreme force. Negan wanted to choke the ever living shit out of Rick but this wasn't about killing him so he refrained. Instead he straddled him and pressed down so all his weight was on the younger man. It gave him the perfect access to land a few rough punches into Ricks already bruised face.

 

 

  
When he could tell that Rick was fading out a little bit he stopped his assault on Ricks face and admired the view. There he was staring down at Rick's bloodied and bruised face and his hard on was present all over again.

 

 

  
Negan leaned down to lick the blood off of Rick's split open lip. "This is literally the last time that I fucking say that so you better listen to me. Try anything like that again and I swear I'll burn Alexandria down to the goddamn ground today. Your people have no idea what I have planned."

 

 

  
"N-n-no." Rick sobbed between agonizing groans. "Don't, please."

 

 

  
"That will be your fucking consequence if you do anything I don't like again, understand? If you be good I won't kill everybody, just a few people to make examples outta you before we get back on track." Negan laughed wholeheartedly.

 

 

  
"I understand." Rick whispered.

 

 

  
"Good! That's the type of answer that just tickles my balls! Speaking of my fucking balls, how 'bout you suck my dick to pay me back for all these bumps n' bruises?"

 

 

What Negan secretly hoped for was a shitty response just to give him an excuse to reign hell on Alexandria early. Instead he got a shaky nod before Rick bucked him off so that he landed on the other side. The younger man pushed Negan up further onto the bed to make room for himself before fully unbuttoning his jeans. Negan leaned back to get relaxed for most likely the best blow job he'd received as of late. Even though Rick was probably inexperienced or not experienced in this at all - this would be pretty damn mind altering.

 

 

Negan guided Rick's head towards his throbbing length and thrusted up so his head brushed against Rick's bruised lip. His teeth sunk down into his own lip causing it to hurt in the best way possible way. "Keep going, Rick."

 

 

The whole room was almost spinning when the younger mans mouth took him straight down to the base. Negan's eyes rolled to the back of his head. He fingered his hands through Rick's curls and tugged so that he had a firm grip.

 

 

  
"I'm gonna fuck the holy hell outta that pretty mouth of yours." Negan moaned aggressively.

 

 

  
Before he could give Rick a chance to adjust himself he started thrusting into Rick's mouth vigorously. This was one moment Negan always pictured, having Rick just slobbering and choking on his dick. And now he was finally making Rick fucking Grimes deep throat his dick, like a pro.

 

 

Negan knew he was going to cum soon but he wanted to paint Rick's face with it instead of making him swallow. He kept up the pace until he knew he was going to explode. "Once I'm done you're going back to the hole, just thought I'd let you know."

 

 

  
At the last minute he pulled Rick's head up and cum spurted out of his dick right onto Rick's face. Everything about the moment was so goddamn perfect. Not only did Negan get to cum on Rick's pretty face but the humiliation was a fucking bonus.

 

 

"You can put your boxers back on but you keep that fishnet on for tomorrow 'cause Rick, it's gonna be a big fucking day." Negan exclaimed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos + comments always appreciated!


	3. Reel You In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is pretty damn short but to the point nonetheless.

Rick felt his face being slammed into the off colored wall and blood dripped from his mouth. He tried to fight Negan off but it was no use because all the energy he had was depleted.

 

  
When the older man tossed him onto the ground he thought for sure it was over, that Negan would finally kill him like he had planned all along. Instead he lazily was flipped onto his stomach like a dead animal and his pants got tugged down. Rick began sobbing into the floor.

 

 

He continued to sob so hard that his chest was hurting and he couldn't inhale properly.

 

 

"Don't be a whiny fucking bitch, Rick." Negan laughed from behind him.

 

 

There was a brief moment of fingering and then Rick felt himself being stretched open. 

 

 

"Please! Stop! Negan - please!" Rick wailed loud enough to be heard through the walls. "It hurts!"

 

 

"I don't give two fucking shits if you're in pain, Rick."

 

 

  
Everything started to feel hazy and just as Rick was beginning to fade -

 

 

 

 

Ricks eyes opened up but instead of being underneath Negan he was sitting half naked in the same disgusting room.

 

 

_That was only a nightmare._

 

 

The fishnet was ripped in certain places and he just wanted it off him. This was the worst type of humiliation because Negan was the one getting satisfaction from it. He had already taken so much from Rick and yet he just kept going like it was a game.

 

 

  
Trying to get in a comfortable position when you're stuck sitting on a cold floor with no blankets or pillows wasn't happening. Rick had slept in shitty conditions before but this was different. All those other times he was surrounded by people that loved him. He couldn't stretch his legs very far though he managed to move around a bit.

 

 

  
Why had no one realized he was gone or maybe they did and were devising a plan to get him back. Given the other plans Rick almost hoped that wasn't the case. As much as he loved Daryl he couldn't help but be angry at him for yet another impulsive decision.

 

 

  
Everything that led him and his people to this point were because of impulsive decisions. And he did blame himself for causing all this for them, for getting Abraham and Glenn killed. While he may not have been the one to smash their skulls in, he sure didn't help matters by making them slaughter everyone at the outpost.

 

 

 

Rick tried to stretch his mouth but it hurt which for a moment he didn't understand why. Then he remembered that his mouth hurt because of how hard Negan fucked it. A small sob escaped his lips when he realized what was going to happen soon, how he'd be branded basically.

 

 

 

Several hours went by and the most that Rick could hear from outside the door were Saviors talking. They were discussing what Negan was likely doing to him. One of the men made a disgusting joke about how loose he probably was now. And all that Rick could do was sit there and listen.

 

 

 

When the door finally opened up after another half hour or so went by Rick recoiled into himself. He expected for one of the Saviors to be standing there laughing at him. Instead he was staring up at Negan who had Lucille on his shoulder like usual. Rick didn't have any words to say so he waited for the older man to speak.

 

 

 

Negan poked his tongue between his teeth. "It's time so get the hell up and come with me."

 

 

  
"Please..please don't." Rick blurted out desperately.

 

 

  
"Please don't what? You gotta be more fucking specific."

 

 

Don't destroy me any more than you already have, don't hurt my family and give them another person to mourn. Please don't -

 

 

  
Rick's lip trembled as he got the words out finally, "Please don't do it on the floor..on the bed is fine but n-not on the floor.."

 

 

When Negan knelt down he expected to be slapped across the face again and told how much of a little bitch he was. Maybe he'd get told how he was so pathetic for asking where to be fucked. Instead a warm hand pressed against his cheek and stroked just like a lover would.

 

  
"Uh -"

 

  
"C'mon use your words."

 

 

Rick nodded once for good measure. "Y-yes." A tear slipped down his cheek at the confession he just made which Negan decided to wipe away for him.

 

 

 

"Rape is against the rules so the next words I'll need out of you will have to be a yes. I won't go any further if you don't give me one, okay?" Negan blinked.

 

  
For some reason Rick felt hypnotized by those soft hazel eyes that were staring into his blue, he didn't even realize he was saying yes already. The word left his lips and that wolf like grin appeared on Negans face once again. Rick couldn't help but wonder if he had been manipulated just now. He felt too disoriented to really consider what just happened and got himself to his feet.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"I'll fix you a drink." Negan said as soon as they got to his room. "Is tequila okay? That's all I fucking got at the moment and I really don't feel like running around to find anything else."

 

  
"Sure, tequila's okay." Rick dug his fingers into his own leg as he watched the man who had been picking him apart..fix him a drink."

 

 

"There we fucking go. I'm sure that'll loosen ya up a bit Rick, y'know I've been thinking of a little proposal."

 

 

Rick closed his eyes to brace for the worst which would likely be that someone has to die. "What is it?"

 

 

  
"I love how we can get straight to the goddamn point! Don't you just love that shit? Okay, hear me out, we'll need to work out some sorta peace treaty. As in no more of this war bullshit or trying to kill me bullshit since let's face it, I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

 

 

  
"So that's it? Your proposal is that we make a ...peace treaty?" Rick furrowed his brows. "What's the catch?"

 

 

 

Negan cleared his throat in the most dramatic way possible. "Well I'll own you and not just like how I own you right now. I mean the whole nine yards."

 

 

"As in -"

 

 

  
"As in marriage, as in tying the goddamn knot, as in if you don't do this I can guarantee you won't like the outcome."

 

 

 

"You didn't mean a damn thing you said back there did you? That whole rape is against the rules?" Rick scoffed. "If you think I'm gonna do this then you're outta your mind."

 

 

  
"I figured you'd say that shit but I'll just remind you right now that I could blow Alexandria to smithereens. I could shoot up the place once I get inside and I will get inside. Your people can't keep me out forever, Rick."

 

 

"You're right but why do you need me to marry you? Why the hell do you want that?" Rick held his hands out to encourage the other man to continue.

 

 

Negan shrugged his leather jacket off. "I don't owe you any explanation, Rick."

 

 

  
"The hell you don't! I won't do this if it doesn't benefit my people, kill me if you're gonna kill me."

 

 

 

"Like I said I don' owe you -"

 

 

 

Rick flung the glass across the room causing it to shatter against the wall. "Tell me!"

 

 

 

Behaving rashly with Negan was very unwise because the man was unpredictable and there was no telling what he'd do. Rick didn't even bother trying to get away and let Negan advance towards him. The older man punched him so hard in the stomach that Rick immediately dropped to his knees. He felt a hand going behind his head to pull his hair back. 

 

 

"You'd be wise to take my fucking deal, Rick. I mean it when I say I'll burn your community to the ground with a goddamn smile on my face." Negan snarled, bearing his teeth. 

 

 

There was hatred boiling beneath Rick's skin but he had to let it simmer for his own good. He stepped towards Negan with still nothing on but his boxers over the fishnet. Everything in himself was screaming not to go any further yet he knew he had to anyways.

 

 

Rick's hands started shaking when he tugged his boxers down to reveal his length, once again.

 

 

"Is this an invitation? You taking me up on my offer?" Negan smirked before scoping him out like he usually did.

 

 

  
"Yes, I am."

 

 

Right after Negan give him an answer he felt lips pressed against his and he didn't respond back, at least not right away. Once he realized it was in his best interest he kissed back.

 

 

The kiss was sloppy like Negan was rushing to get to the next step. And once Rick was backed up towards the bed he knew exactly what was coming next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i had no intentions of heading the direction i just have, i had planned to maybe stretch this out another chapter & that was it. yet for some reason i couldn't resist myself. 
> 
>  
> 
> yes, this is yet another forced marriage fic which i promise it won't be at all like Kiss or Kill.
> 
>  
> 
> i will get back to this as soon as i can but i need to make sure that The In Between gets finished first.


	4. The Wedding

"I take it you mother fuckers wonder what the hell has happened to Rick?" Negan spoke through a microphone outside of Alexandria's gate. "Well I have him and we're having a great fucking time together."

 

  
Michonne was suddenly standing on the wooden platform, "We need proof that he's still alive."

 

  
"You'll get proof soon enough 'cause you're cordially invited the wedding." Negan got a kick of making the piss patrol beyond agitated. Not to mention the fact that Michonne was supposed to be Ricks girlfriend.

 

  
"What wedding?" Michonne asked nervously.

 

  
"Mine and Ricks of course! You see we've come to an understanding and it's that him marrying me keeps some modicum of peace. Either way he's mine, he's always been mine and that won't change. I know you two have got a thing going on or whatever the fuck but that stops now."

 

  
The sheer rage that was displayed on Michonne's face was absolutely priceless. It was obvious she was trying to keep her composure and not jump down to chop him up with her katana. After several moments of silence she looked down at him with a look that could cut deeper than any sword. Negan had no idea if he should prepare for an attack or if he should stand there.

 

  
Michonne closed her eyes tightly, "Where is he? Is he here with you?"

 

 

"Yeah he's in the truck, we'll be having the wedding here tomorrow and his family is invited which you obviously know who counts as family to him." Negan poked his tongue out between his teeth.

 

 

  
"I do and if you think everyone will be okay with this -"

 

 

"I couldn't give two fucks if anyone's okay with it, right now I'm gonna make it official that it's mandatory for all of you pricks to attend. If you don't comply then I'll just be a complete asshole and never let Rick visit again."

 

 

Threatening people was something Negan was insanely good at and it helped control a shit show of a situation. This was one of those cases where if he didn't have a handle on things right away he'd be fucked. He patiently waited for Michonne to respond back again with an obnoxious smile on his face.

 

 

"Fine. We'll..attend." Michonne deadpanned.

 

 

Negan chuckled right into the microphone, "That's fucking fantastic! Make sure you get Carl to dress up 'cause he's gonna be my best man."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Knowing that Negan not only told Michonne so bluntly that he was marrying him but adding threats into it was just..unsettling. Rick didn't bother expecting much from Negan because the man wasn't one to be reasoned with.

 

 

Rick struggled with putting on the suit that Negan apparently had for him to wear to their wedding. His hand shook while he put on the black suit jacket and he let out a deep breath to calm himself. Ever since he had been captured and kept at the Sanctuary he'd had a more difficult time with his anxiety. Breathing deeply was about the only thing the genuinely calmed him down, outside of drinking. Rick looked at himself in the full body mirror that was provided for him and he didn't feel confident.

 

  
Why would he even feel excited about getting married to the man that subjugated him, that wanted to humiliate him completely. Rick looked at himself one last time in the mirror before there was a knock on the door. He didn't bothering answering to the incessant knocks and instead Negan strolled him with his regular attire on.

 

  
The older man leaned in the doorway and just kept scoping him out like there was no tomorrow. With slow strides Negan approached him and let his fingertip graze along the back of his neck. Rick visibly shook from the touch then cursed himself for letting his body react like that.

 

  
Rick jerked away from the touch only to have Negan hold his neck in place. "What the hell do you want?"

 

 

  
"Now is that any way to speak to your husband to be? You're being pretty goddamn rude right now and I don't appreciate it." Negan whispered.

 

 

  
"Like you can talk to anyone 'bout rudeness, Negan. Don't think me agreeing to this means anythin'..I don't want this and you don't either." Rick gritted his teeth, his eyebrow was even twitching from the agitation.

 

 

  
"Actually Rick, I'm looking forward to our little arrangement. We're gonna have so much fun after the wedding is over too."

 

 

  
Rick visibly grimaced at the thought of enjoying the sex with Negan. "I don't want that."

 

 

 

"That's a fucking lie." Negan let his hands travel right down to Ricks ass, giving it a tight squeeze.

 

 

 

Rick dug his hands so hard into his own side that he could tell he left indents in his skin. It was so sickening to be touched like that by Negan, the sensations made Rick feel ashamed of himself. He moaned under his breath when Negan reached around to squeeze his crotch. Rick didn't bother telling him to stop because deep down the touch felt good. Why couldn't he just resist and go through with the consequences that came with resistance?

 

 

Instead of leaving him alone so he could prepare to get married to his sworn enemy in front of the people he called family, Negan stayed. Rick felt nervous being watched so attentively like he was something to be ogled at.  

 

 

 

"Why are you watchin' me like that? Don't you think you've humiliated me enough?" Rick snapped, he stared at Negan through the mirror.

 

 

 

  
Negan put his hand on his heart dramatically, "I'm hurt that you would think I'd make you feel like shit on our wedding day."

 

 

 

The simple fact that Negan was even making a mockery of what he'd put him through the past few days didn't surprise Rick. And now the people he loved were being forced to watch the debacle that will be their wedding. Rick turned around and stare into the eyes of the older man, there was absolutely no compassion to be found.

 

 

  
"All you do is make people feel like shit and make them feel less powerful than you." Rick pressed his chest against the older man. "I fuckin' hate you and if you think that will change then you've got another thing coming."

 

 

  
The smirk disappeared from Negan's face, it was replaced with absolute fury. "That mouth of yours is gonna get you in a lot of fucking trouble."

 

 

Rick didn't have anything to say to the man so he opted for keeping silent until Negan stepped away. They had a relatively long drive to Alexandria and it was guaranteed to be full of awkward silence. Since Negan was into the dramatics they would be driving in separate vehicles. Rick would get driven by Simon and Negan would get driven by Arat.

 

 

Once he was finished staring at himself in the mirror for the millionth time he told Negan that he was finally ready to leave. The older man grinned wildly then gave him a swift kiss on the forehead.

 

 

  
"C'mon my husband to be, let's go get married!" Negan exclaimed with an obnoxious wink to follow.

 

* * *

 

 

The wedding was as good as it would get so Negan didn't really have any complaints about it. From what he could see the Alexandrian's made sure to get at least a few things in order. He knew it was only to make it as comfortable as possible for Rick, that's how loyal they were to him. He strolled throughout the community until he stumbled upon that creepy ass priest.

 

 

  
For the life of him he couldn't remember the priest's name so Negan just whistled at him to get his attention. Whatever his fucking name was hesitantly walked over and stood in front of him politely. Out of everyone he was the only one who didn't brush him off quickly so he appreciated that shit. In fact just for that he wouldn't be a total asshole towards him.

 

 

  
Negan slapped his hand across the priest's back, "What's your name again? I can't remember for shit, I got a lot on my mind right now as you already know."

 

 

  
"Um..my n-name is Gabriel, Father Gabriel." He responded back.

 

 

  
"You're gonna be the one marrying us today right?" Negan poked his tongue through his teeth.

 

 

  
"Yes I will be." Gabriel nodded calmly.

 

 

  
"You don't have a problem with this do ya Gabe? I really fucking hope not."

 

 

  
"I don't have a problem with you being two men, I only have a problem with you. From what I gather this wedding was not mutual and you only want to have power over Rick..even more than you already do."

 

 

  
He had to hand it to the priest, he had big fucking balls stepping to him like that, even if he was right about that. Negan enjoyed the power he had over people, he enjoyed being in control of something in this shit world. And if people wanted to see him as the bad guy then they could fucking go ahead.

 

 

  
Negan just shrugged like he was unaffected. "You got a real sack on ya Gabey, look I don't care if you hate me just do your job today and we won't have a problem. Okay?"

 

 

  
"Of course." Gabriel didn't even flinch and had a smile on his face like he knew something Negan didn't. 

 

 

_This was going to be one hell of a fucking day._

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm sorry about today, I'm sorry I can't help change this and I just want you to know that none of us hate you for this. We know why you're doing, we know that it's to keep us safe..from him." Michonne cupped Rick's face passionately.

 

Rick savored the touch and tried to remember what her hands felt like because he wouldn't be touching for a while after this. His heart was pumping slowly while her thumb stroked his cheek in a slow manner. "Thank you."

 

  
"We'll get through this like we have gotten through everything else."

 

 

"How's Carl taking all this? I know that Negan is forcing him to be his best man but has he spoken to you about any of it?" Rick prodded, he wanted to know if Carl was resenting him a little.

 

  
Michonne looked of to the side then back again, "He's not happy let's just say."

 

 

Rick sighed, "I don't know what to tell him or if I can say anythin' to make him understand why this is happening. I guess I'm just worried he thinks that I want Negan or that I volunteered myself."

 

 

  
"I'll try to talk to him again if he doesn't listen to you but I know he'll understand eventually. We better get you to the gate now so you can -" Michonne exhaled heavily and didn't bother finishing her sentence.

 

 

  
"What we have doesn't change 'cause of this, what I feel doesn't change..I have to make sure you know that right now."

 

 

  
The one thing that Rick needed to make Michonne understand was that he loved her, that no matter what he loved her. Rick glanced in both directions to make sure no one was watching and leaned forwards to kiss her softly. She ran her fingers through his hair then pulled away like the touch burned her.

 

 

Rick sniffed back his tears and walked out of the room with her so they could meet up with everyone at the gate.

 

* * *

 

 

Walking towards Negan wearing a suit felt like a nightmare, on the inside Rick felt like he would wake up. Though every time he pinched his skin it didn't make a differene. Almost everyone was there besides Carol,Morgan and Maggie. Which he was thankful they didn't have to witness any of it. And since Eugene was now apart of the Saviors he was standing off with Arat and Simon.

 

  
All those things Rick thought they would win was a lie. He told himself so many lies to through the war. And now he was dealing with consequences because he couldn't just wait. Instead of waiting or finding another way, he ran in heads on.

 

  
Rick couldn't even look up as Michonne walked beside him. When he peaked on either side of him all he saw were faces. He saw Tara looking at him sympathetically, Daryl and Rosita were blank faced and Carl was frowning beside Negan.

 

  
Once he got to where he was supposed to stand he gritted his teeth. Rick didn't want Negan to see him looking weak or pissed off. But it was clearly showing on his face because Negan was grinning. The bastard didn't even bother dressing up but forced him to.

 

  
"We have gathered here today to hopefully bring some peace to our communities." Gabriel smiled briefly. "If this was about love then I would go about this differently."

 

  
"So we can just skip to our vows?" Negan chuckled darkly. "I already got my figured out."

 

  
"Then you may go first." Gabriel gestured with his hands.

 

  
Negan leaned back, "Well Rick, you know exactly why this shit is happening today. At first I had no intentions of doing this but you forced my hand, yet again. This marriage is your community's saving grace,it's me being the nice guy and not killing all the fine people here. I guess I promise I'll be the best husband I can."

 

  
"I doubt it." Rick huffed under his breath, which apparently Negan didn't hear him because he kept going.

 

  
"Other than that I gotta say I'm a lucky fucking guy to get to sleep next to you every night. Though I'm certain most nights that won't be all we're doin'."

 

 

"Gross." Carl grimaced.

 

  
Negan made a face, "Sorry kid, I know you don't wanna hear about your dad getting freaky with me. I genuinely apologize for that shit, I'm sorry."

 

 

"Is that all you have to say?" Gabriel asked.

 

  
"Sure is!" Negan rubbed his hands together impatiently. "Time for you to say your vows darling."

 

 

"All I have to say is that I will try not to kill you in your sleep." Rick cocked his head to the side.

 

 

"That's so fucking romantic, Rick! I'm ready for the best part. We can skip all that have and to hold bullshit, can't we Gabe?"

 

 

"Yes, I suppose we can. So um - by the power invested in me I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom."

 

  
Rick braced himself and let Negan devour him in front of everyone. The kiss didn't last long because Negan lifted him into his arms like a stupid romance novel. He tried to wiggle out of the older mans grip but it didn't work.

 

 

"Thanks for not making this difficult folks. But if you'll excuse me I'm gonna take Rick back to the Sanctuary now. He'll swing by when I let him." Negan tipped Carl's hat off his head.

 

  
And just like that Rick was being carried in the arms of the enemy, away from home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone who gives a shit i'm gonna go on hiatus for a few reasons i won't get into. 
> 
>  
> 
> i hope this chapter was satisfying.


	5. Honeymoon Hell

 

_Every inch of his body as sore after what happened and Rick wanted so badly to run back to that shitty room. He didn't bother putting that uncomfortable suit back on either. There would have been no point anyways because Negan didn't want him to be comfortable. The older man huffed an obnoxious laugh at him like it was funny, like all of it was hilarious._

 

 

_"This arrangement is gonna work out just fine for me, how 'bout you Rick?"  Negan quirked an eyebrow, his face  showed that he wanted an answer._

 

 

 

_His answer was so obvious but Negan had to be a fucking asshole and make him lie. Rick twitched but somehow managed to smile and nodded along._

 

 

 

_"I don't need to remind you that you speak when you're fucking spoken to, do I?"_

 

 

 

_"No, you don't."_

 

* * *

 

 

Rick was caught between fighting or just letting the chips fall where they may. As soon as they got back to the Sanctuary he could see that hungry look in Negan's eye. It made him think of when an animal is starving and desperate. Though in this case Negan was starving for a piece of him.

 

The moment Negan got them to his bedroom he slammed the door behind them. Rick observed how the older man wasn't making any sudden movements. He took his suit jacket off then set it on the couch then went to fix himself a drink. After getting married to his enemy he figured a drink would help calm his nerves. Rick didn't even want to picture what anyone was feeling right now.

 

His hands shook as he poured the rich brown colored liquor into one of the glasses. After downing his first glass he poured himself another, the buzz was kicking in but he wasn't feeling it enough to deal.

 

Rick looked from the corner of his eye and Negan was just watching him with amusement. This was probably fun for the older man, he got off on humilation and that's what sex would be to him - a way to humiliate.

 

As soon as his vision was a bit blurry Rick was relatively good to go. He could close his eyes, bend over and just let it happen. But instead of being held on the bed like he imagined he was still being watched.

 

  
"Go on and get it over with." Rick slurred, he started to unbutton his white button up. "This is what you fuckin' wanted!"

 

  
Negan rubbed a hand over his salt and pepper stubble. "I was gonna tell you to strip but you've got that shit covered. This didn't need to happen y'know? If you had just lived with the goddamn rules we wouldn't be here."

 

  
"You're the one who couldn't just be a reasonable human being! Instead you humilate me even more in front of my family." Rick sneered then tore the shirt off and tossed it to the ground.

 

  
"I'm so over your self righteous bullshit, Rick. You're the one who got Red and that Korean kid killed, not me." Negan flashed a toothy grin. " As for all the other deaths, those were just as necessary. I couldn't have that douchebag Spencer tryna kill you and that big chick Olivia..well..Arat was the one who shot her. "

 

  
"You killed Spencer to protect me? That's a crock of bullshit and you know it."

 

  
"Believe it or not I'm glad you're the leader, I sure as fuck wouldn't have offered this deal to anyone else. Not that you don't have any other lookers in your group but like I said you're fucking special. And I just know if you came around to my way of thinking -"

 

  
"If you think for one damn second that I will ever forgive you, trust you or actually fall for you then you're a fucking idiot."

 

  
Rick saw the toothy grin disappear and then he saw a fist coming towards him. Before he could move out of the way it connected to his face. He spat blood right at Negan's face then barreled towards him. They were in an all out brawl, throwing punches, biting, scratching, until finally Negan pushed Rick on the bed.

 

  
"That was a fucking hoot but I'm done fighting you." Negan huffed.

 

  
"Let. me. go." Rick struggled underneath the older man who was a lot heavier than he looked.

 

  
Negan leaned down so their faces were barely inches apart. "Instead of doing our own version of Street Fighter how 'bout you just let me make you feel good? Hm?"

 

  
Just when he was about to protest he was being rocked into slowly, Rick gritted his teeth and put his arm over his face. He wasn't going to let Negan see him.

 

 

 

"It feel good to have me rock my dick into you like this?"

 

 

 

 

Rick didn't bother responding back to that shit because Negan was trying to piss him off. Every time Negan would say something to him in that sultry tone he felt sickened.

 

 

  
"Tell me how it fucking feels or I'll put you back in the hole with cum all over your face." Negan looked damn near rapid.

 

 

 

"It f-feels good, okay? Are you satisfied?" Rick asked with a heated glare.

 

 

 

"I sure as fuck am 'cause I really need to get a good fuck in and punishing you would ruin that. So let's get to it shall we?"

 

 

 

"Yeah, sure."

 

 

 

 

Negan patted his cheek like a dog, "How cooperative of you, Rick! At least I can say my husband ain't a little bitch..right now at least. But a little slut however, that's up for debate."

 

 

Rick wished he could just punch the older mans lights out but decided not to fight it anymore. There was quite literally no point even fighting him now.  He let Negan twist his nipples enough to cause more pain than pleasure.

 

 

"Just get it over with, please." Rick swallowed.

 

 

"No way." Negan sing songed. "Now take off the rest of your clothes."

 

 

Once he obeyed the man and shed his shirt then unbuttoned and unzipped his dress pants. Rick only had his boxers on now which had Negan humming with satisfaction. Soon those came off rather quickly and his semi hard length was exposed to the cool air.

 

 

Rick let warm palms travel up and down his body, as much as the sensation itself wasn't disturbing, it was who was behind the touch. Being in this predicament made Rick wish he had just been killed instead. His mind started to travel somewhere else to cope until Negan snapped him back into focus.

 

 

The older man kissed the side of his neck then his tongue went down to his nipples. Rick squirmed a little at the sensation but tried to stop himself from responding.

 

 

 

"Just let yourself go, Rick. No point in fighting how good this feels 'cause I can guarantee you'll be moaning in a few seconds." Negan murmured.

 

 

 

"No, I won't. The moment I do that, you win, and I can't let you win."

 

 

 

  
"Sorry darlin' but the truth of the matter is I'm really fucking good in bed. No matter how much you hate me I'll have you shaking on my dick in no time."

 

 

 

 

The sheer hubris that Negan constantly displayed always agitated the hell out of Rick. When Negan crawled him to plant a wet kiss on his mouth he barely kissed back.

 

 

 

 

"Tell me cowboy, how is it that you don't have some boy toy on the side? Unless you're gettin' plowed by Daryl?" Negan teased.

 

 

Rick twitched just a little bit at that insinuation, "I've never done anythin' like that with him."

 

 

 

"You sure? Not even a fucking little bit? He's really never had his grimy hands all over your ass?"

 

 

 

"No."

 

 

  
"Well that's his fucking loss 'cause trust me when I say that your ass is top fucking notch darling." Negan pulled a packet of lube out of his jeans pocket. "Spread those legs a little more."

 

 

"Fine." Rick deadpanned.

 

 

  
Rick spread his legs just enough and that was when Negan's slicked up fingers slowly penetrated him. He whimpered to himself because of the pleasure that arose inside him. The pace quickened and that made Rick arch off the dark grey sheets, his legs were shaking. He absentmindedly began moving down onto Negan's fingers which made the older man growl.

 

 

When both fingers slipped out of him he almost wanted to ask for him not stop but refrained. Rick watched Negan take off his own clothes quickly, his eyes went all over.

 

 

 

"You're totally checkin' me out, Rick." Negan licked his own lips. "Fuck, that just turns me on."

 

 

 

Rick rolled his eyes and waited for Negan to start fingering him again but that didn't happen. The older man lubed up his length generously then shot a wink in his direction. All those unsettling feelings came back once he saw that sinister grin return.

This was going to be an extreme whirlwind.

 

  
"Get ready for the fuck of your life, Ricky." Negan stroked his length in a quick motion. "I'm gonna fuck that self righteous bullshit right outta you."

Rick felt his face go completely still, "Don't make this more than what it is."

"Which is what?" Negan feigned confusion.

"This is just us sealing the deal, I didn't ask for this and our _relationship_ is just another way for you to break me."

"Here I thought you were enjoying yourself but it looks like that was short lived."

Rick scoffed right at Negan, "You really thought some foreplay would make this situation any different. I know that you don't care if I'm genuinely enjoyin' myself or not."

  
"If I really didn't Rick then I woulda fucked you without even loosening you up. That's probably what shoulda happened anyways." Negan didn't even bother smiling or doing that stupid ass tongue thing. 

  
"Can you shut the hell up and get on with it?" Rick turned over onto his stomach and got on his knees so he was in a bent over positon.

  
He couldn't see Negan but he knew for a fact that he was taking his behavior as eagerness. Rick felt hands on his hips and a hard length pressed against his ass.

   
"Your ass is somethin' else." Negan used both hands to open his cheeks. "Tell me you want me to fuck you, say the fucking words."

  
There will be consequences if I don't, Rick thought to himself and mumbled that he wanted to be fucked. A moment later a harsh slap landed on his ass.

  
"What the hell was that for?" Rick yelled, he could feel the handprint stinging.

  
"That was a half assed statement you gave me and I don't fuckin' appreciate that shit." Negan stated simply.

  
"So what the hell do you want me to do then, Negan?"

  
"I want you to beg."


	6. Honeymoon Hell Pt. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEARS bitches, this was a pre written chapter so it was still 2017 when i wrote this but who cares? also i have said 'fuck it' to the hiatus. 
> 
>  
> 
> trigger warning for this chapter: suicidal thoughts.

 

Of course Negan would ask him to beg like a dog, that was how he operated after all.

 

 

The man didn't know what it meant to be a decent person because he was a monster. Rick swallowed back all his dignity then proceeded to do the exact thing that Negan was asking for. Not with a smile on his face or any excitement either.

 

 

  
"Please, please fuck me." Rick begged pathetically. "I need your dick."

 

 

  
"You sound so goddamn pathetic, Rick. I mean come the fuck on, you can do better than that." Negan slapped his ass again.

 

 

  
_Asshole._

 

 

  
Rick knew that Negan couldn't see how hard he was rolling his eyes but he was. "Fuck me! Please just fuck me already!"

 

 

  
"That will have to be good enough. Next time you'll fucking do better 'cause I don't tolerate this bullshit. Hope you're ready to get fucked."

 

 

 

As soon as Negan was sinking into him he felt like someone was chipping a piece of him away. Rick was officially sealing a deal with the devil. This was all to keep the peace and prevent any further bloodshed. At least that was what Rick was telling himself in order to cope. Essentially no one else had to suffer anymore, though what did that leave him with? He always had to go through some bullshit.

 

 

 

Before the world ended he didn't know how far he could stretch as a person. While his marriage to Lori was never perfect it never really destroyed him until the end of the world. The early days morphed him into who he was now. He was mentally stretched already so being physically stretched didn't matter.

 

 

The initial pain started to subside but it still hurt in a way because he wasn't used to it. He had no clue what to expect from sex with Negan. Somehow he naively thought that Negan would go easy on him but that was too far fetched.

 

 

Several minutes into the sex he felt a hand reach down and push his face into the sheets. Rick struggled a little bit since it felt like he could be suffocated. There was menacing laughter coming from above him.

 

 

"There's so many things I wanna do to you, so many goddamn things." Negan chuckled then landed a hard slap against Rick's ass once more.

 

 

Rick winced at the pain that shot through him because the slaps weren't meant to be pleasurable (not even afterwards.) This was about Negan getting his fill in, metaphorically and literally.

 

 

  
"Ever heard of knife play, Rick? Who am I fucking kidding, you definitely haven't. You're too fucking vanilla for that." Negan said in a teasing tone.

 

 

  
"Don't you dare." Rick hissed into the sheets.

 

 

  
"I won't go too crazy but let's just say you'll be branded by the end of this. Stay still or else."

 

 

 

Whatever Negan had planned was twisted and Rick whimpered at the thought of being branded. For a moment Negan pulled out and leaned over the bed to grab something from the floor.

 

 

  
"Please, whatever you're gonna do just don't do it." Rick could tell how desperate he sounded but he had to try to reason with the man.

 

 

"Sorry but I'm dead set on this shit. I'm only gonna carve an 'N' right on your ass once I'm done cumming in it."

 

 

  
Without warning or notice of some kind Negan slid back into him smoothly. The way the older man started fucking him was hard and relentless. He pushed all the way inside and hit his sweet spot which caused Rick to jolt with pleasure. That motion was repeated a couple times over until Rick was tuckered out. But Negan just kept going because he didn't care if he was comfortable.

 

 

  
Every time Rick tried to lift his face it was pushed back down again so he gave up.

 

 

  
"You're trying to fight it." Negan bellowed from behind him.

 

 

"Shut up." Rick whispered low enough that he could only hear.

 

 

  
"You wanna believe there's a way that you'll still win but news fucking flash, you won't. I own your people, I own that pathetic community of yours and I own your ass." Negan grunted.

 

 

  
Rick didn't hold back the angry tears that he was shedding and let himself be used. It didn't take long for Negan to cum inside him with a mighty roar. And not long after Rick followed suit.

 

 

  
"It's time, this might sting a little." Negan warned then used the knife that he grabbed to carve into his left cheek.

 

 

  
The pain was noticeable but in the same instance Rick was able to pretend it didn't hurt. Since Negan was only carving one letter it didn't take much time and Rick was grateful. He didn't want to look at the branding or remember it was there. Though with the healing process he would definitely be reminded of it's presence when he sat down.

 

 

 

"Now that wasn't so bad. Now was it?" Negan smiled mischievously.

 

 

 

  
Rick couldn't even dignify that with a response so he just laid there on his stomach until he was ready to get up again.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Trying to find at least a moments worth of peace wasn't worth it because there was Negan snatching it away. He didn't want to lay in the bed with him but Negan insisted. Just moments ago he was mocking him and saying how the arrangement would work out just fine.

 

 

 

The look on his face said that if he didn't comply it would end badly. Rick reluctantly climbed into bed like a pathetic fucking shell, his limbs were Jell-O and his ass was sore. No one said anything about having to cuddle so he shuffled so far away from Negan as he could. Thankfully the older man didn't force him to cuddle or say much of anything other than goodnight.

 

 

 

Rick laid there in the dark as he watched Negan slowly drift off to sleep. There was no way in hell he was getting to sleep anytime soon so he continued to stare into the darkness. Thoughts of killing Negan passed through his mind, then thoughts of killing himself really passed through. He doubted that he could ever do that given he'd be leaving a lot of people behind. But sometimes he had thought about what it would be like to just die.

 

 

 

His pointer finger touched his wrist where he felt tempted to slit into, the knife that Negan used was somewhere around there. It wouldn't be a quick death but he would fade away. Dying by your own hand would be better than dying from a walker bite, that much was certain. Someday everyone would become like dust in the wind - here then gone.

 

 

 

What would Michonne say if she heard that he killed himself? What would Carl say? Daryl? Rosita? Everyone he loved would be devastated.  Though the upside would possibly be seeing Lori again, seeing Beth, Glenn, Abraham, Sasha and everyone else they'd lost once more. Everyone that died because of him one way or another. All the pain inside him was smashing into him like strong waves.

 

 

 

Rick didn't know if he could survive this marriage and keep himself intact.  It had been a long time since he thought about it but he remembered what Bob said back at the church before he died: _Nightmares end, they shouldn't end who you are._

 

 

  
He still wondered if that was actually true.

 

* * *

 

  
Morning came and Rick woke up from a less than three hour sleep. The older man was laying closer than he had been when he passed out. His arm was draped around Rick's waist and it made Rick shake with anger.

 

 

 

Rick tried to lift the long limb away from him but Negan shuffled in closer. He frowned at the older man who looked the most peaceful that Rick had ever seen him.

 

 

 

I could smother him with a pillow right now, Rick thought darkly before eyeing up the pillows behind his head. But doing so would be pointless because the Saviors would kill him and then attack Alexandria.

 

 

 

Trying to get out of the mans grasp ended up waking him up from his slumber which was the opposite intention. Rick groaned when he saw Negan open his eyes.

 

 

 

"What the fuck were you just doing?" Negan groaned sleepily. "Probably not a good idea to try to kill me right now."

 

 

  
Rick furrowed his brow, "Why would I do that? It wouldn't benefit me in the long run 'cause you probably have plans in place for that sorta thing."

 

 

 

"That I do, Rick. So good thinking on your part for not trying anything stupid. Besides I've got morning wood and I'd fucking love it if you helped take care of that." Negan gestured down to the bulge in his boxers.

 

 

 

"Is that an order or do I have a choice?" Rick deadpanned, his eyes were droopy from the lack of sleep.

 

 

 

"Well you could not do it but it would put me in a better fucking mood than I am right now."

 

 

Knowing how much of an asshole that Negan could be he obliged and got the tight black boxers off the man's long limbs. He lowered his mouth over the long length, licking along the head. Rick could taste the pre cum. This was something he would dread having to do almost everyday. He could handle being fucked because that would likely mean never having to look at Negan. But being this close, being this intimate - made him sick.

 

 

 

Rick bobbed his head up and down quickly just in hopes it would get things done quicker. Instead that only encouraged Negan to grip tight to his hair and fuck his mouth.

 

 

 

And since he knew resisting would make things harder he just let it happen. There was no point in gagging or showing how he hated taking it that deep. Rick didn't have anywhere to go in his mind so he was stuck there in the moment.

 

 

 

He felt spit running down the sides of his mouth which made a mess everywhere. Rick wished that Negan would find it repulsive but he seemed to love sloppy blowjobs.

 

 

 

"Goddamn you're good with that mouth." Negan half moaned and chuckled.

 

 

Rick had his eyes shut but he could just picture the look on the mans face, that smug look he wanted to punch right off his face.

 

 

"I think I'm gonna do something a little different today."

 

 

Before Rick could think up what that meant he felt Negan pull his dick out. He quickly got his feet and stood up on the bed then made sure Rick stayed still. When he was about to protest he felt cum hitting him right in the face.

 

  
Negan slumped back down on the bed, "There we go, I think you look gorgeous with my cum on your face. Don't you think?" 

 

 

  
"You bastard." Rick hissed and got off the bed to grab something to clean his face with.

 

 

 

"I take it you wouldn't be in the mood to fuck me, huh?"

 

 

 

  
That's fucking it.

 

 

  
Rick still had cum on his face but he didn't a damn. "Are you fuckin' outta your mind? Oh wait, I don't need to ask you that 'cause I know the answer. What the hell do you think this is?"

 

 

  
"This is what the arrangement entails, Rick. It wasn't like I didn't give you a goddamn choice, I didn't force you." Negan snapped, his eyes darkened.

 

 

  
"Sure, you gave me a choice, not a very good one considering the alternative. Don't for a damn second think that any pleasure I experienced from gettin' fucked by you last night means somethin' to me. You will **never** be more than a fuckin' monster to me."

 

  
"I would watch the next words you say to me, Rick. You're skating on thin fucking ice and you're about to fall in."

 

 

  
Rick raised both his eyebrows, "Really? I don't think you can do much more to me than you already have. May as well kill me 'cause I know you probably will anyways."

 

 

  
"I may be a monster but you sure loved getting fucked by me. You don't have to love someone or even like them to fuck or get dirty with them. "

 

 

  
While that was true and Rick knew it was true, he didn't care. There was literally no chance of him ever loving Negan or wanting him any less than dead.

 


	7. Rotting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a heads up that i pre wrote this chapter! 
> 
>    
> Thanks to everyone who has decided to read this + comment + leaves kudos.

Rick despised that he had no choice in anything because flat out refusal when it came to Negan was a big no no. The only relief he got was pretending that he couldn't hear a thing Negan was saying. He walked alongside the older man and a few words came through but that was it.

 

  
Of course even doing that was dangerous but he was only being forced to meet the wives so it wasn't that important. Rick gets stopped right in his tracks by Negan. They casually stood outside the dark brown double door and Rick looked around in confusion.The energy in the air was menacing, almost as if Negan was waiting to flip at him for some reason.

 

 

Thankfully today Rick wasn't being forced to wear something stupid. He had on the outfit that he was wearing the day he got brought to the Sanctuary. His was already sweating through his teal button up but Negan didn't seem to notice.

 

 

"They're real excited to meet you, Rick. I've talked a lot about you since we met and they wanted to know who gets a rise outta me, metaphorically and literally." Negan laughed with that goofy grin on his face.

 

 

Rick nodded like he was paying attention.

 

 

"Now I don't mind if you get propositioned or some shit." Negan whispered before grabbing a handful of his ass.

 

 

  
"Propositioned?" Rick swallowed then swat the other mans hands away.

 

 

  
"Don't be a prude, you like that shit." Negan grinned. "Anyways, what I mean is if any of them ask if you wanna fuck or have a threesome. You're a pretty motherfucker so it wouldn't shock me if someone did, especially Frankie. Just run it by me first 'cause it ain't cheating if I'm fine with it."

 

 

The idea that Negan would be fine with anything he did was incredulous. Rick wouldn't be tricked into anything and he didn't exactly have a desire to be cycled through like a used toy.

 

 

Rick looked over at the older man with a straight face, "Okay."

 

 

Instead of adding the usual banter Negan just pushed him forwards so he was partially in the room. All the women looked up to see what the commotion was about. Rick felt like he was on the damn spot, that was until Negan took all the attention.

 

 

  
"Ladies, I'd like you to meet the infamous Rick Grimes." Negan exclaimed with outstretched arms.

 

 

"Wow, he really is a babe." A woman with dark brown commented from one of the couches, her pale white skin was gleaming under the light. Rick could tell she was one to speak to her mind when she felt like it.

 

 

  
"He certainly wasn't kidding when he said you were gorgeous." Another woman piped in.

 

 

  
Negan stalked his way over to their direction, "Tonya and Frankie are definitely the ones to watch out for, they're real sirens."

 

 

  
"Don't listen to him, Rick. " Frankie flashed him a genuine smile. "He's just jealous that you've got our attention."

 

 

  
Rick soon found that he enjoyed the company of Negan's wives and didn't mind spending time with them. He never really understood what their arrangements entailed.

 

 

  
As soon as Negan left the room to go tend to 'important matters' everyone spoke a little more freely.

 

 

One of the woman whose name was Amber was drinking herself into a stupor, which Rick didn't exactly blame her. Out of everyone he could tell she didn't exactly want to be there.

 

 

"Not that we don't like you but why are you here, Rick? We know that you belong to another community, the same community that was waging war against Negan." Frankie asked curiously.

 

 

"Don't push him." Tonya nudged Frankie's shoulder.

 

 

Rick shook his head, "I don't mind. This wasn't my idea and I didn't want this but it was my only option to help my people."

 

 

"None of us are here because we actually have feelings for him. Negan is volatile, he takes what he wants without much regard for anyone else. We're here to live an easier life and that's it." Tonya stated with a serious look on her face.

 

 

"You guys are so funny." Amber hiccuped, she poured herself yet another drink. "So so funny."

 

 

  
Frankie looked over at the blonde with serious concern, "Sweetie, maybe you should go slow with that today."

 

 

  
"I'm fine, Frankie. Go back to telling Rick how great it is to be here." Amber slurred before swiping the bottle off the table and going to the corner.

 

 

 

Rick saw it in Amber's eyes that she was struggling so deeply, in a way that was likely dangerous to just herself. He didn't know exactly why she was even one of the wives but it wasn't for an easier life. For a moment he almost felt compelled to ask her if she needed to talk. But what the hell could he do that the other ladies weren't already offering? She seemed like a bomb just waiting to explode.

 

 

  
The conversation became light afterwards or as light as conversations can be nowadays. Rick never was one for small talk so he answered whatever questions they had. Frankie asked him what Alexandria was like. Tonya asked him what he used to be in the old world.

 

 

  
He couldn't remember the last time anyone asked him those types of questions. Having light conversation like that rarely happened because he'd been around the same people for a long time. Rick missed when he could ask those initiation questions to people, asking them how many walkers they'd killed, if they'd killed any people. Those were simpler times, back at the prison (before the Governor fucked it up.)

 

 

  
Rick sometimes pictured what it would have been like if the situation had been diffused. What if Hershel never had been killed? What if the Governor surrendered and took him up on the offer of occupying another part of the prison? Eventually he would have to kill him but they'd still have certain people right now. The prison falling apart was essentially what set off so many catastrophic events. While they would have never discovered Alexandria, it would have been better.

 

 

  
Eventually Frankie and Tonya eased up on the questions and just sat with him. Rick savored the time because it meant not being around Negan for a couple of hours.

 

 

* * *

 

Negan absolutely despised having to deal with incompetence and some of his Saviors were fucking stupid. They could follow orders but otherwise they were sheep. He tried his hardest to make everyone strong, though some people weren't capable of it. It was a hard pill to swallow because it meant there were changes that needed to be made.

 

  
He found a place to be completely and utterly alone to get a breath in. Negan shuffled through his pockets to find that one lone cigarette he swiped from someone. Normally he would have a pack of his own but they weren't exactly in crazy supply of them. The lighter he had a piece of shit but he was able to get it to light just enough. He breathed the smoke in and exhaled through his nose successfully.

 

_What a fucking day_ , Negan thought to himself before taking another puff.

 

 

Strangely enough he started to wonder what Rick was up to, despite how much he didn't want to give two fucks. Negan chalked it up to curiosity rather than actually being concerned. He was alone with the wives so it wasn't like they could get up to a lot of trouble.

 

 

Negan still had no idea what the end game for the situation was going to be. Making spontaneous decisions like making your enemy marry you didn't leave much room for planning ahead. Killing Rick used to be a thought that stomped through his brain. Now he just didn't know what the end result to all of this would be. Would Rick eventually become comfortable there? Would he go soft on the younger man?

 

  
To distract himself from thinking too damn much he pictured how much further he could push Rick.

 

 

 

  
The most wicked idea had come to Negan while he made his way to the wives room. He knew Rick would fucking hate it but he didn't really care now did he? He stormed into the room and that got everyone's attention right quick. More specifically it got the younger mans attention, the look of agitation was clear as day on his face.

 

 

Negan briefly greeted the ladies and hovered behind Rick who was seated right beside Frankie. "Hey gorgeous, miss me?"

 

 

  
"Sure." Rick deadpanned.

 

 

  
"One day you'll actually mean shit. Sorry ladies but I need to take Rick outta here for an important matter, if you get what I mean."

 

 

  
The room was silent like they knew something he didn't and Rick got up hesitantly so he could follow him out of the room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Your ass is redder than a goddamn stop sign! I know I've said this before but you sir, have one hell of an ass." Negan rubbed circles against both cheeks that he had smacked so hard Rick winced. "This time I wanna hear you fucking moan for me. I want to see the look on your face as I hit that sweet spot of yours. So it's time for some good ole missionary position."

 

While he couldn't see the look on Rick's face at the moment because his face was in the sheets, he knew that he wasn't fond of the idea.

 

  
Negan untied the younger man so he could flip him onto his back. Earlier he had gotten him loosened enough to get right to fucking. He slid a finger inside of Rick so easily, the slippery noise made himself moan loudly.

 

 

  
"Do you like being called a fucking slut, Rick?" Negan leaned all the way over Rick so their faces touched.

 

 

  
"Y-y-yes." Rick whimpered with tears in his eyes.

 

 

  
"Fucking pathetic, you're fucking crying again like a little bitch? Did I fucking hurt you?"

 

 

  
"No."

 

 

Negan looked down at the mess of a man and was tempted to just laugh in his face. "Then stop fucking crying like I'm raping you."

 

 

"I understand, I'll stop." Rick sniffed, his left hand wiped away his tears quickly.

 

 

Everyone back in Alexandria probably thought their precious leader was being raped. Those pricks probably thought that Rick was having the shit kicked out of him. Negan scoffed at how that was such predictable thinking. While he knew that he was somewhat of a monster, he wasn't that terrible.

 

 

Negan lifted the younger mans bow legs up so he could test something out. It was unlikely that he would be able to fit his whole fist inside of Rick but he was going to try. He didn't say at all what he was attempting, he knew that Rick would get the fucking clue once he felt more than just a finger going in.

 

 

His fist was bunched up as much as he could before pushing forwards into the loosened up hole. Just like he expected Rick tried to move away from him. Negan gave him a warning look which was enough to make Rick relax somewhat.

 

 

"Goddamn, you'd need to be all the way relaxed for this shit. How's three fingers sound instead?" Negan asked softly.

 

 

"T-that's fine." Rick stammered, his eyes were hidden beneath his forearm so Negan couldn't see if he was annoyed or nervous.

 

 

Negan got three fingers inside and pumped them into Rick quickly. He heard light moans coming from the younger man which encouraged him to go quicker and faster.

 

 

Eventually Rick wouldn't hold back from him, eventually.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan stroked his fingers through the back of Rick's brown curls, he noticed how relaxed Rick was for once. "I need you to understand right now that you won't be sleeping anywhere else. So think carefully about what you want right now. I don't want you here if you're gonna whimper every time I fucking touch you."

 

 

"I'm only here for you to hurt me anyways so what does it matter?" Rick responded back coldly.

 

 

  
"We both get shit outta this arrangement, Rick. Your community gets to stay standing and I get you in my bed every night. Did you know that I don't even let any of the wives sleep in here with me?" Negan didn't know why he mentioned that but it seemed necessary.

 

 

  
"Is that supposed to make me feel special? It doesn't." Rick tried to move away from his tender touches but he kept him in place.

 

 

  
"It should make you feel pretty damn special because I could easily throw you back into the fucking hole. Would you like that?"

 

 

  
The lack of response said more than words could so Negan nuzzled his mouth against Rick's trembling neck and tried to will them both to sleep.

 

 


	8. Quicksand

Three months went by without Rick even realizing it all that much. He made sure to go about his days in the same ways and that kept him somewhat stable. Other than the moments where he would break down then have really self deprecating thoughts.

 

  
Every time suicide briefly crossed his mind he just thought about what it would do to everyone back home. His death wouldn't amount to anything good, he would just be leaving everyone behind to clean up his mess.

 

 

Rick woke up once again with Negan wrapped around his waist. The sex they were having had gotten easier over time, Negan was less and less rough now. Sometimes it felt too tender and loving, the way the older mans lips would kiss at his skin like he was saying something. He no longer bothered to pull those strong arms away from his body because it just caused tension.

 

 

Instead of attempting to wake the older man up he heard a purring noise against his neck. Rick shivered when Negan pushed his morning wood against his ass. He tugged his pants down voluntarily so Negan could get his morning fuck in.

 

 

  
A wet kiss was planted on his shoulder then Negan clumsily fingered his hole with just a little bit of spit on his fingers. He was used to being fucked like this - to being used like this. Of course Rick still hated sleeping next to Negan, sleeping with him and feeling attracted to him. It was just easier now than it was before. The pain that came from all those things was dull like a butter knife.

 

 

  
Rick fumbled around under the sheets to see if the lube was still kicking around. It turned out that it was still under the pillow - exactly where Rick had left it. He reached behind him to hand it to Negan who with absolutely no grace squirted it everywhere.

 

 

  
"Goddammit." Negan hissed. "Your ass is pretty loosened up already so we can just get on with the show, can't we?"

 

 

  
"Yeah, I guess we can." Rick agreed with absolutely no emotion to his voice.

 

 

  
The older man didn't have any clever responses or anything assholey to say so he just slowly inserted himself. Rick breathed heavily like he always did and let out a silent moan. His least favorite part had to be when Negan made him feel good because he wasn't supposed to feel good. This was never meant to be a pleasurable arrangement in any way. Rick sure as hell didn't love him but there were some feelings underneath the hate.

 

 

  
Rick started to dig his fingernails into his palms so he could feel some pain. The sex was too slow for what their relationship was and he needed it to be aggressive. He needed to be pounded into the sheets like he was a cheap fuck. Whenever he tried to change up the pace, he was told to stop. And that just wouldn't do because he didn't feel anything deep for Negan. His opinions of the man hadn't changed, he didn't love him.

 

 

  
Any feelings between them were surface level and that was it but Rick knew Negan wanted more. How could he possibly tell the man that he wouldn't get it?

* * *

 

 

The rule of thumb for Negan was that you don't get fucking attached because people are disappointing. And not only that but in his case with Lucille - people can get sick and die on you. Negan never wanted to experience that again so the most he could handle was a bunch of wives. Now he had Rick on top of that albeit didn't really want him, especially not in the way Negan was beginning to want Rick.

 

 

Sometimes he would just stare a bit longer than he needed to and later on he'd kick himself for it. He would tell himself that it was really goddamn stupid to have feelings for Rick. Which it seriously was since for one thing Rick hated his guts too much for them to be anything real.

 

 

Negan had no desire of letting Rick see how weak he was making him. If he allowed the younger man to see him being weak that would make it easy to manipulate. So therefore he would keep his fucking mouth shut unless he suddenly had a lapse in common fucking sense.

 

 

After finishing a quickie with Frankie in her living quarters (a quickie that was meant to distract him) he went right back to thinking about Rick. Negan mumbled a stream of curses under his breath as he walked down the hallway. People that walked by him were giving him strange looks. They were lucky he didn't just dish out punishment for the hell of it.

 

 

What the fuck was the point of their arrangement if no trust was built up eventually? Not like Negan was asking for any love confessions.

 

 

As soon as he got outside to see what was happening in the front of the Sanctuary. Which ended up being absolutely nothing interesting. He noticed the captives weren't moving as quickly as usual, they looked miserable as ever. Negan used to get a kick out of seeing that shit. But now it was just redundant so he thought maybe just kicking them out or killing them would be the end result. Negan caught one of the Saviors going outside and asked them to bring the captives inside so he could talk to them.

 

 

 

  
"I suppose you're wondering why I got all of you brought inside instead of standing out in that heat." Negan watched the confusion arise on all their faces. "Well I'm here to say I'm cutting you loose! No more of the shit I've been putting you through. I plan to start fresh and have a bunch of new assholes out there."

 

 

  
One of the men who was extremely dirty and had an "F" on his sweatshirt put his hand up.

 

 

  
Negan rolled his eyes at the man, "Yes?"

 

 

  
"I-I'm sorry for interrupting sir but what will happen to us now? Are you - are you gonna kill us?"

 

 

  
"If that's all I fucking wanted then I woulda just killed you already. No, I'm giving you the goddamn boot and before you ask what that means it should be obvious. Your very last punishment will be life on the road with a dog food sandwich as your complimentary meal."

 

 

  
Negan called out for someone to get Dwight so he could make those sandwiches and send the men packing. He had shit to take care of that would require most of his time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The younger man was still in their room for some reason, despite him knowing he could do whatever he wanted basically. Negan waltzed into their room with a certain look on his face. He hoped it registered that he was in the mood to fuck but clearly Rick didn't notice or maybe he didn't want to.

 

 

Negan swiped the book Rick was reading right out of his hands. "Are you ignoring me right now? That's really really unwise of you, Rick."

 

 

"You don't need me to pay attention to you every minute, do you?" Rick leveled with him and fake smiled.

 

 

"That's hardly the point darlin'..now why don't you make this go quicker and take those tight ass jeans off?" Negan licked his lips.

 

 

  
Rick glared at him and angrily got his dark grey jeans off then tossed them over. "Get it over with."

 

 

  
"Fuck that shit. I don't wanna fuck you if you plan to make it seem like I'm forcing you."

 

 

  
"Well technically you are."

 

 

  
The way Rick mumbled wasn't at all low enough so Negan heard him. He huffed out a forced laugh and almost had the urge to swing Lucille around.

 

 

  
"Your attitude is starting to get really fucking old, Rick. I get it you hate my goddamn guts but that stick up your ass has nothing to do with me." Negan shed his leather jacket on the couch and decided to lay down.

 

 

  
Rick walked over to him, "So you came in here to fuck me but now you don't want to?"

 

 

 

With Rick it was always so damn confusing because one minute he didn't want it, next minute he did. Not once in his life did he put up with this type of shit. He lifted his head so he could look at Rick who was standing there confused.

 

 

Negan lifted up one of his eyebrows at the man, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

 

 

  
"What?" Rick responded.

 

 

  
"First you act like you would rather die than have me touch you and then you act like you wanna hop on my dick. What the fucking fuck is wrong with you? Has me knockin' you around as much as I have rattled your brain? I seriously wanna know."

 

 

  
"I'm only complying 'cause you'll hurt the people I love if I don't."

 

 

  
Negan scoffed louder than intended and sat down on the couch. "Honestly I don't believe that's the only reason."

 

 

  
"Well it is so get used to it." Rick stated with that ice cold glare on his face. "There's nothin' between us but an arrangement and anythin' else is just surface."

 

 

  
"So you do have feelings for me, huh? I can't say I blame you, I'm pretty fucking charming." Negan flashed the younger man a flirtatious grin.

 

 

  
It was almost wasn't a surprise when Rick stepped towards him and leaned down so it made him appear taller. Negan was still sitting down in the couch but didn't bother moving. He liked seeing Rick grow some fucking balls and step to him, even if it meant kicking his ass after.

 

 

The intimidation wasn't exactly working in the way the younger man likely wanted but it was amusing. He bit down on his lip as he stared at Rick's lean frame, he still had no pants on.

 

Clearly Rick caught him not paying attention to his heated words and his lips twitched.

 

 

  
"I'm so over your bullshit! Just fuckin' kill me like you've probably planned to, I'm done with this." Rick hissed.

 

 

  
Negan pulled Rick down into his lap and Rick resisted angrily until Negan settled his arms behind his neck. This was undoubtedly going to turn into angry sex so he took advantage of the disaster. He let the younger man dig in his nails into his back.

 

 

With pure aggression he dry thrusted up into Rick then grabbed a handful of Rick's ass. After two minutes too long of doing that he lifted Rick up so he could take his dick out. When he was finally out he looked at Rick to see if he wanted to. It didn't come to much of a surprise when Rick sunk down.

 

 

He rocked up into the younger man with fervor and watched Rick bite down on his bottom lip. Negan put both hands on his face then pulled him forwards for a sloppy kiss. The kiss had absolutely no smoothness to it which was the point. To Negan it felt like more than just some aggressive sex. Hopefully it was the same for Rick.

 

 

  
Negan reversed their positions so that Rick was scrunched up on the couch. "You're such a fucking slut when I get you going."

 

 

  
"Don't call me that." Rick said shamefully. "Matter of fact just stop talkin' altogether."

 

 

  
"Did I hit a fucking nerve?" Negan positioned himself so that he would fuck down into Rick. "Well in a second I will hit somethin'."

 

 

  
The younger man rolled his eyes at him then his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Getting reactions like that out of Rick were fucking priceless to Negan.

 

  
_Make him remember every single fucking moment,_ Negan thought before fucking hard into Rick. The sounds of both of them moaning and skin slapping were the only things to be heard. Of course he couldn't hold back when it came to the dirty talk.

 

 

He told Rick how he sounded like a dirty fucking whore, how hot his face looked when he got pounded  or how tight he was. Negan loved getting the younger man riled up in general but during sex it was a goddamn thrill.

 

 

Once again he thought about the point of it all, as in the point of having Rick like this. And the answer this time wasn't the same at all. Negan tried to ignore his complicated feelings by hitting Rick's sweet spot. He got lost in the younger mans facial expression. Instead of thinking he just repeated that motion until he knew Rick was too tired for it.

 

 

  
It wasn't long until they both came ferociously.

 

 

  
Negan pulled out shakily and watched the cum drip out from Rick's abused hole. He smacked his ass before putting his dick back inside his pants. "That was fucking hot."

 

* * *

 

Instead of responding back to say the same thing he just nodded back at Negan. The more he let Negan use him like that, the more he allowed it to happen, was like losing himself. That's all it would add up to because no part of him would ever love Negan. All they were was sex and distorted feelings.

 

 

Yet Rick found himself slightly loving how easy that was and how he didn't have much responsibility. The weight of everyone was lifted off his back. But the price of this type of freedom was sinking deeper into whatever he had with Negan.

 


	9. Consequences

Negan had been a goddamn idiot to think that Rick would continue to cooperate. They were officially at a crossroads and it wasn't going to end well for Rick.

 

He paced in the room and watched Rick struggle to get off the ground. Negan wanted to kick into his stomach til he couldn't catch his breath. And it was all because he made him feel pathetic as fuck. Letting himself feel whatever it was for Rick was an epic mistake.

 

Not that he believed in fairy tales but he was too hopeful going into the conversation. All he had to do was leave it alone, instead Negan just kept pushing until Rick snapped. Negan wasn't able to get the words out of his head either. They kept replaying like a mantra over and over like he needed to remember.

 

Negan saw Lucille was near the couch still so he walked over to grab her. When he finally had his hands wrapped around the handle he charged towards Rick. He could put an end to Alexandria in this singular moment. Without Rick they were nothing.

 

The way Rick looked at him wasn't that of someone who was afraid or nervous. Rick actually seemed pretty fucking brave given the circumstances. That first night he pointed Lucille in his face he was barely coherent, now Rick was barely shaking.

 

  
He silently decided against bashing Rick's skull in and opted for having a little conversation.

 

  
Negan stood tall over the younger man who looked ready to die. "If you're hoping that I'll crack your fucking head like a melon, then you're in for a shock. Killing you would be entirely too easy and when do I ever go the easy route. And if you're thinking of bringing up me killing your people then fucking don't."

 

  
"The fact that you think I'll ever fall for you is insane." Rick pinched the bridge of nose like he usually did. "Why did you even tell me that you think you're startin' to? You can't possibly love me, at least not really."

 

  
"Why is it so fucking hard for you to believe that I could be? Maybe I treat the people I get closest to like shit, ever think of that?" Negan felt like he was losing control of himself, that he was out of his fucking mind (even more than he was.)

 

  
Rick started to laugh so hard that Negan thought he'd pull a muscle. "How in the hell are we close? You have done nothin' but ruin my life and the lives of those I love. You forced me to touch myself in front of you, humiliated me, treated me like I'm a prisoner and you think what? That you're a good catch? My feelings for you are twisted and I would rip them outta me if I could. But I will **never** say they're love 'cause I don't love you."

 

  
When someone expects to hear something they usually brace themselves. And Negan had already braced himself to hear all that twice over but it was still annoying. He had stopped making Rick wear lingerie for him, he stopped making him sleep in the hole and he stopped being a full on asshole.

 

  
Eventually Rick would love him, he fucking had to because this wouldn't be some one sided bullshit. Negan presumed after five months he might. Though it had been five months now and he'd been more accommodating by taking him to Alexandria often. He even offered to bring Carl and Judith over there but Rick flat out refused that.

 

  
Negan **tried** to soften his expression, "All those things I did were necessary, Rick. You planned an all out war against me, tried to kill me and what do I do? I give you a fucking deal where no one else has to die?"

 

  
"Get over yourself for a damn second." Rick looked up at him. "Nothin' that you do is noble so stop pretending it is."

 

  
"Maybe you need to spend some more time in the hole to gain a better fucking perspective."

 

  
"Do whatever you want, I don't care anymore."

 

  
Negan didn't feel convinced that Rick didn't care but it didn't matter. They were headed right back to where they fucking started. He radioed one of his Saviors to come get Rick to bring him to the hole. It didn't take very long for some of his lower ranking Saviors to show up.

 

 

"Who knows how long you'll be in there this time. I need you to really think this shit over as in let it stew in your mind a little. I'll come see you everyday and see where you're at just in case you change your mind."

 

* * *

 

 

Waiting around for Rick to change his mind and come over to Negan's side was tedious. The man wouldn't budge one fucking inch because he was a right fighter. Which was one thing that Negan wanted to dismantle when it came to Rick. He wanted the younger man to morph into what Negan knew he was inside. Since there was no way he was drawn towards Rick for no reason.

 

 

  
Something lingered inside Rick that Negan just knew was twisted like he'd become. They never really had conversations about what he'd done in the past though. So maybe that type of conversation was in order. Instead of fucking one of his wives he decided to pay Rick a visit. He had the key to the room so no one else could open it. Not unless he gave permission because scum bags like Davey were probably still around.

 

 

  
Negan turned the key in the door to reveal Rick just sitting there in his underwear. The room smelled absolutely disgusting just like the last time. He considered maybe having Rick locked up somewhere else. Only that consideration would only cause trouble. The likelihood that Rick would escape the Sanctuary if he did that was high.

 

 

He clapped his hands to applaud Rick's resistance of him. "I'm fucking impressed that you've held out for the past few days, most people start going fucking loony after two days in here. The darkness alone would have to make someone feel shitty. How you feelin' today darling?"

 

 

  
"Same as you asked the last time, asshole." Rick curled up into himself, his knees were dirty and he was sweaty all over his body. The room didn't smell like piss or shit because he didn't want to force Rick to do that in a bucket. So usually two people stood guard but today he didn't bother with that. Normally these circumstances meant dog food sandwiches as well. Which Negan didn't want to do that either.

 

 

  
Negan traced his gloved hand against the door. "So you still haven't changed your mind? I thought our deal meant compliance as you play nice and in return I don't blow up Alexandria until it's a pile of smoke?"

 

 

"You won't do it." Rick responded back in a matter of fact sort of way.

 

 

  
"Really? I fucking won't? Why not? I don't give a shit about any of them, the only exceptions I make are your future serial killer and your little one. Everyone else is fair fucking game."

 

  
Negan watched Rick glare at him like he just knew there was no reason he shouldn't. At least not a reason that was relevant or beneficial to him. Either way Negan had Rick right where he wanted him. There wouldn't be anyone coming to look for him because they didn't know he was locked up.

 

  
And the right fighter continues to be a little bitch Negan thought before he tossed Rick a packaged sandwich.

 

  
"What's this for?" Rick scrunched his nose in confusion.

 

  
"To eat? What the fuck else is it for? Negan squinted. "I'm nicer to you than I fucking should be considering all this. Being a little bitch has no benefits here, maybe back in your dumb ass community it does, but not here."

 

  
"By little bitch you mean someone who stands up to you. All these people are afraid of you Negan, that ain't you making them strong..it's you making them weak. I've seen how they react to you and it looks like they believe without you they'd die."

 

  
"That's exactly right! Without me this place would crumble." Negan proclaimed with his signature smile.

 

 

  
"No, you've got it wrong. Without you these people wouldn't have to live in fear anymore."

 

 

  
"So you think it's your way or the highway basically? How is it that any different from what I've implemented here? Not every fucking thing is bad or good..sometimes there's shades of grey. You'd be wise to remember that shit."

 

 

Rick turned to his side so that his head was leaning against the wall. "Can you go?"

 

  
This was one of those moments where Negan could give Rick some space but he decided not to. Negan called out to the Savior that was walking by and asked him to grab him a chair. He smirked when he saw the distress on Rick's face. Since he would be seated right in front of the entrance he wouldn't be ignored very long. When the door was brought to Negan he sat down in it.

 

  
His legs were spread just a little bit and he had Lucille leaned against the wall behind him. Agitating Rick was a past time that he'd never grown out of. And since him being in the hole was meant to make him think - then he'd help him out.

 

 

  
Negan got a bright idea and radioed Dwight to tell him to play CD 3 in the next room over. The peculiar look on Rick's face was priceless because it probably expected "Easy Street" to play. Unless Daryl failed to mention how many times he had to listen to it.

 

 

Eventually he saw Dwight go into the room next over and do exactly as instructed. The blonde finally came out of the room once the song started to play, he nodded then retreated quickly.

 

 

When the song started to play Negan didn't look away from Rick for a second.

 

 

_Everybody plays the fool sometimes_

_There's no exception to the rule_

_Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel_

_I ain't lyin', everybody plays the fool_

 

  
The song was clearly making Rick really annoyed because he kept doing that head tilt. Negan watched his eyebrows knit together,his lips were pursed and his fingers were clenched. This was the whole point of playing the song - to get a reaction out of Rick.

 

 

Negan felt his stomach beginning to growl so that was his cue to leave for a bit. He got up and Rick seemed overly relieved about it. A weird feeling engulfed Negan for a second until he shrugged it off. No fucking way was he going to let Rick control him like that.

 

 

"Still wanna sit in here like a little bitch? If you just agree to accept my affection then I'll take you outta here. May even get someone to bring you that gelato you like so much." Negan waited for an answer, impatiently.

 

 

Rick tossed the sandwich that he didn't open into the hallway. "No. You can close the door now."

 

 

"That was really fucking rude considering I actually went outta my way to make this. Fine. Have it your way." Negan winked at Rick before shutting the door. He turned the key in the lock again, picked up the sandwich then strolled down the hallway. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Wake up! Rick, wake up!"

 

 

Rick opened his eyes when he recognized the voice and smiled when he saw Michonne. Her purple shirt was covered in blood splatter. And her katana was in it's pouch at her side. "What are you doin' here?"

 

 

"Getting you out of here! We have to hurry before he knows that I've found out where you are." Michonne said in a hushed voice.

 

 

"Who else is here with you?"

 

 

"Most of us came and we're attacking the Sanctuary again. This time we were able to get inside but we don't have time for me to explain."

 

 

Rick forced himself to get up, not even caring that he was just in his boxers. He wasn't so weak that he couldn't stand up but he was tired. When Michonne put her around him he felt at home for a millisecond. Even though she smelled like blood he could still smell the body wash she was able to stretch out.

 

  
They got down the hallway with no issue other than one Savior who Michonne used her katana on. The fight was relatively brief because the man couldn't fight them both. And once Rick got the man in a hold that was when Michonne impaled him. The blade went straight through his stomach and out the other end. Rick let the unknown Savior drop to the ground with blood gushing from his wound.

 

 

Rick really missed fighting alongside her.

 

 

  
As they kept moving something didn't feel right to Rick and sure enough Negan came around the corner. Rick tried to catch him off guard but was pushed out of the way. When he thudded to the floor he could hear Michonne and Negan fighting. There was a shuffle then the cocking of a gun. Rick looked up in time to see Negan pulling the trigger and shooting Michonne point blank in the head.

 

  
Rick screamed so loud that he swore it echoed down the hallway. And then he was knocked over the head only to wake up to darkness. He had been dreaming so vividly that he startled himself awake.

 

 

That faint ache in his chest was forming again just thinking about everyone back in Alexandria. No one would be coming to save him because they had no idea what was happening.

 

 

The door was suddenly unlocked and opened the same way it had been for almost a week now. Rick punched the wall lightly before he saw Negan peek in a sort of child like manner.

 

 

"Have I come in at a bad time?" Negan joked with a really menacing laugh.

 

 

"You come whenever you like." Rick snorted.

 

 

"That sounds like a double entendre, Rick. Are we back to our flirty comebacks?" Negan bit down on his bottom lip hungrily. His hazel eyes were almost twinkling like they were in the light.

 

 

"What the hell do you want? Finally come here to kill me? My people will eventually come lookin' for me when they notice you haven't brought me by in a while. And when they do that you'll have war on your hands again. If you plan on keepin' me in here forever then just kill me."

 

 

  
"I should just kill you but I really don't want that 'cause I actually enjoy having you around. You're fun to play with in both ways so I can't give that up. That sounds so selfish of me but what can I fucking say?"

 

 

  
"For starters you can say nothin.' " Rick snapped back with with the strongest glare he could possibly muster up.

 

 

  
"That's cute, Rick." Negan pointed out with a wag of his finger. "Alright let's get this show on the fucking road. You still refusing?"

 

  
"How many times do I need to tell you -"

 

  
Negan closed his hand over Rick's mouth, "I think you need to take into consideration what I'm about to say. I have no issue with what I might do but you will. I've got a shit ton of explosives and I will bring Alexandria to it's knees. You made an agreement with me at our cute little wedding, so if you decide right now that you're done then okay. But I want you to know right fucking now that I'll dismember everyone but Carl and Judith. I'll bring their heads back here and everyday I'll have one brought over to you. Breaking a set agreement is a big no no for me, Rick. So again I ask, are you still refusing?"

 

 

  
It came to no surprise when Negan threatened him yet again to get what he wanted. Rick never for a second thought Negan wasn't a dirty player because he was. For a second he almost refused because he'd repeated himself so many times. But he couldn't do that unless he wanted to get everyone killed.

 

 

Rick swallowed back his disgust and let it sit in the bottom of his stomach. "No."

 

 

Negan looked at him like he was a fucking idiot. "Wow you really don't give a fuck about them do -"

 

  
"No, I'm not refusing you." Rick responded with no hesitancy.

 

 

The older man leaned forwards and pressed a lusty kiss against his lips. Rick forced himself to kiss back with tongue which only urged Negan more. How delusional was he to think it meant anything?

 

 

They both pulled away from each other and Negan was right back to being annoying.

 

 

"That went over better than I fucking expected! And by the way I missed that." Negan poked his tongue between his astonishingly white teeth.

 

 

Rick didn't even acknowledge how Negan seemed to miss kissing him because it wasn't mutual. All those twisted up feelings for Negan were a result of trying to cope with the situation. While he wasn't an unattractive man by any means there were all the other things that set that aside.

 

 

Standing up again felt so awkward because he'd been sitting down for most of his time in there. It had all been close to a week of total darkness so the light was blinding. Rick ignored all the casual touches against his skin because Negan's touch burned him. The twisted kind of lust was screaming for Rick to give in again.

 

  
Rick was pushed towards the bedroom door he'd grown to loathe and entered. Inside there was a white candle lit on the table and a somewhat fancy dinner was prepared apparently.

 

 

  
"Take a seat down on the couch, pour yourself a glass of something good and relax." Negan handed over his pants and a blue button up shirt that wasn't his.

 

 

 

  
"Can't I rest in an actual bed or the couch?" Rick asked as nicely as possible while putting on his clothes so he didn't have to sit half naked.

 

 

  
"No, we're gonna have dinner right now then you can lay down however long you like. You refused to eat for a good two days."

 

 

  
Rick didn't bother pushing it and sat down on the couch opposite to Negan. He grabbed his fork then stuck in the pasta in front of him. The red sauce tasted pretty good if he was being honest, plus he was a little hungry. Not that he'd never been without food before. The last time he hadn't eaten for long periods of time was when he was on the road prior to Alexandria.

 

 

  
Negan shoved some food into his mouth then swallowed. "From here on out I wanna see you putting better effort into this shit. You can take all that anger out on me in the bedroom 'cause you know I like that."

 

 

  
The rambling didn't stop for several minutes so Rick just tuned him out right away.  Pretending to care about the man was going to be emotionally taxing but he had to try. He just had to.


	10. Say Goodbye to Who I Was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5axbaGBVto is where the title came from.

Waking up the next morning in a warm bed was comforting for Rick. The only downside was that Negan had wrapped his body around him. Negan's arms were around his chest and their legs were entangled. Just when Rick thought he'd slightly crawled out of the abyss, he fell back in.

 

 

Rick's mouth felt so dry and all he wanted to do was go use the expired toothpaste. Instead he was stuck being anaconda squeezed by his enemy. The same enemy who also happened to be his husband. Rick winced at the idea of having to be civil once Negan woke up. If he didn't then Alexandria would suffer the consequences and that wasn't up for debate. Rick was once again sacrificing himself for the welfare of everyone else.

 

 

After laying there for what felt like another half hour Rick got fed up. If Negan had a fit over him washing out his mouth then he was more unreasonable than Rick thought. He managed to pry himself away from the tight squeeze and got out of the bed. Rick padded his way over to the bathroom and quietly shut the door. He swiped the toothpaste then squeezed some in his mouth. It wasn't the most satisfactory situation but it would have to do.

 

 

Rick put his mouth under the tap to get some water in his mouth. And then he started swishing the toothpaste/water combination around. Eventually his mouth felt less dry and more minty fresh. When he opened the door to get out there was Negan waiting on the other side. He should have known that Negan would bother him like this. The man just couldn't give a moments peace or anything. Rick offered him a faux smile before brushing past him to return to bed.

 

  
What he expected to hear was Negan going on about something ridiculous. Instead the older man hopped back into bed with him. Rick pulled the covers over the both of them, the bed spread was at least decent enough for Rick to feel comfortable. Laying on his side wasn't happening because it gave Negan more incentive to cuddle. So Rick laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. Since he was married to Negan he didn't have any duties or work for that matter. All he did when he wasn't locked up in the hole was sit around, eat and drink. He wasn't used to doing that back at home. In Alexandria there was almost always something to do or take care of.

 

 

Rick breathed out a deep sigh which seemed to make Negan turn onto his back too. They were both staring up at the ceiling casually. Until Negan took it upon himself to begin conversation for some reason.

 

 

  
"How are you on this fine morning, Rick?" Negan asked with a groggy voice.

 

 

  
"As good as you can expect given the circumstances." Rick responded back with a slight agitation to his voice. He needed to keep a level head but it was really damn hard.

 

 

  
Negan inched closer to Rick but not in an aggressive way. "Remember what we agreed on darlin'? Play nice and I will too and believe me playin' nice with me has perks. You do remember the perks right?"

 

 

  
Trying to respond was difficult when Rick felt Negan touching his leg underneath the sheets. Rick didn't even bother shifting over. Letting Negan touch him was a double edged sword so either way Rick was losing. The touch went from casual to the hand moving over to his dick.

 

 

Rick closed his eyes tight when throbbing pleasure spread throughout him. He started to get hard right under Negan's touch and it was wrecking him. What had become of him that Negan was bringing him pleasure again? Maybe being in that room for such a short period of time again broke him. That was a possibility because he let himself be manipulated. There was a possibility that Negan never planned to do anything. He was smart after all and there were more one community that wanted him dead.

 

 

  
What would Michonne think of him now? Would she even consider him to be the same person? Or would allowing Negan to do all this change her perception. All that ran throughout Rick's mind as Negan took his dick out and began stroking him.

 

 

Rick bit down so hard on his bottom lip that he could puncture it. The usual babbling that Negan carried on with wasn't present. He was grateful that Negan knew when to shut the fuck up, sometimes. Rick hated the thoughts that were attacking him so he used Negan as the distraction. It was ironic considering how Negan was the distraction and also the cause of his distress.

 

 

  
Angrily he pulled Negan towards him and kissed him. Rick refused to let Negan be tender so he kissed him so hard that it probably hurt. It didn't take long for Negan to get on top of him and press his slender body down against him. His legs wrapped around the older mans waist so tight because he didn't want softness. Rick didn't want to be treated like this is was love. What they had was built on stipulations, threats and a twisted desire.

 

 

  
That night he met Negan it was obvious he was staring at him differently. Everyone else was seeing the gleefully sadism but Rick remembered the hunger. Almost like Negan met his match for once which meant he had to break him. Rick let Negan grind into him through their clothes.Meanwhile he was thinking about being dragged along the gravel. All the violence that happened from then to now was flooding Rick's mind.

 

 

  
His pants were being torn off him and Rick let out a low moan. Rick felt Negan kiss his neck while he peeled away his pants. They were tossed to the floor right away and they went right back to kissing. Nothing about Negan would ever be delicate. Rick wouldn't let himself be convinced otherwise. He took the upper hand and flipped them over.

 

 

  
Rick was on top of Negan who started to laugh so hard Rick could feel it. "What now?"

 

 

  
Negan folded his arms behind his head cockily. "I'm just surprised you're even into this right now. I expected you to snap at me like a fucking angry bird."

 

 

  
"I'm horny and you're here. Simple as that." Rick played with the hem of Negan's boxers, he could feel coarse public hair. His eyes examined Negan's assortment of tattoo's despite how he never cared before. They were never the focus.

 

 

  
"Ouch that's pretty fucking hurtful darlin'..now let's say you get to riding my dick? You all good for that? Not like we've ever had any incidents." Negan tried to hold back laughter.

 

 

  
Rick rolled his eyes before getting off Negan to get his boxers off."You're so goddamn immature and yeah, I'm good."

 

 

"I missed having you bounce on my dick." Negan poked his tongue between his teeth.

 

 

  
"Shut the hell up."

 

 

  
When Negan's dick sprang free he tried not to have much of a reaction. Rick kept his face neutral, even when Negan reached for the lube in the bedside table. He tossed it towards Rick who got it in his hands. Rick opened up the cap then squeezed some onto his fingers. Instead of wasting time with prolonged foreplay he wanted to get to it. He got Negan's dick lathered up so he could slide on easily then climbed on top again.

 

 

  
Rick glared when he saw how cocky Negan looked. There was no damn way he knew this was going to happen so quickly. As he positioned himself onto the thick length beneath he groaned. He felt his ass being filled slowly and he despised how he loved it. 

 

* * *

 

 

They fucked for what seemed like forever and Rick was exhausted afterwards. Riding Negan the way he had exerted so much energy. One reward was how he dug his nails into Negan's chest, leaving red marks on his skin. Which unfortunately didn't seem to bother Negan all that much.

 

  
Apparently Negan had duties to tend to in the Sanctuary so he left him in the wives room. Rick awkwardly sat there with wives who talked among themselves. He poured himself drink after drink to pass the time. The bourbon lingered on his tongue.

 

 

  
Someone sat down beside him and it looked like Amber. For a little bit Rick didn't look in her direction because she seemed so tired. She also pretty damn drunk like he was and kept pouring more for herself.

 

 

  
Rick didn't really know what to say since he didn't know much about her situation. And he didn't know if it was really his place to know. They barely knew each other and she wasn't talking on her own. Rickie walked away over to where they were and tried to move Amber. It was unsuccessful because she ripped her arm away from the red head.

 

 

  
"Stop trying to make it better when you can't." Amber slurred aggressively.

 

 

  
"Sweetie, you need to lay down." Rickie tried to console her softly.

 

 

  
Rick briefly touched her shoulder and tried to smile. "We don't know each other but maybe you should."

 

 

  
The reaction he got out of the small blonde was startling because she just laughed in his face. Rick could smell straight up booze on her breath. Almost as if she'd been drinking since yesterday and never stopped.

 

 

  
"Who the hell are you anyways? Why would you agree to this life?" Amber shook her head then got off the stool before walking off. She took the bottle that was sitting on the table and wandered off.

 

 

  
"We're sorry you had to see that." Frankie apologized with a grimace.

 

 

  
"It wasn't your fault, I didn't mean to make her upset."

 

 

  
"You didn't do anything to her. Truth be told she's been that way for quite some time. She never wanted this life like we did. She only did this to help her sick mother who needs the medication. Otherwise she was fine with working in the market."

 

 

  
Rick sighed, "How have you put up with him knowing what he's done? He's crippling communities without considering the aftermath of that. My people have lost..we've lost a lot ever since we met him."

 

 

  
Frankie looked at him softly, "We know who Negan is and we know most of what he's done or is doing to the other communities. It's just this life is easier because outside of here people are miserable. You can see it in their eyes when you walk by them."

 

 

  
"I don't know if I can get used to this or get used to him."

 

 

  
"You can and you will."

* * *

 

 

  
Negan sat in the room where they usually held meetings. He got stuck listening to Simon ramble on about something to do with the workers. As if Negan didn't know about their fucking complaints already. They were confused about what was going on with the other communities. Whether or not they were going to be in the midst of war again and Negan wanted to lose his shit.

 

 

  
There was a hierarchy at the Sanctuary for a goddamn reason. If everyone had a say in everything then there would absolute chaos. It's way only higher ranking Saviors were allowed at the meetings too. A lot of his soldiers were good for anything other than strategy. Basically some of them weren't long term planners or thinkers.

 

 

  
The boredom was clearly showing on his face because Simon stopped talking. Negan gestured for him to carry on instead of stopping.

 

 

Simon nodded then went onto a new topic like the situation at the Hilltop. Mostly everyone there was tense whenever the Savior showed up. Not even just like before but worse especially after the whole war debacle.

 

 

"Have you got any fucking solutions or is this meeting gonna be unproductive?" Negan deadpanned.

 

 

  
Simon cleared his throat, "I'll just have another talk with Gregory and see where his head's at. Or better yet where the widow's head is at."

 

 

  
"Why the fuck is Gregory even the leader there if he can't even handle his own people? Fucking pathetic. Weak people like that can't lead. He didn't even know that the widow was training a fucking army. And then I had shit right on my fucking doorstep." Negan adjusted Lucille on his shoulder. "I swear on my own goddamn grave that if he messes up again, it's bye bye Gregory."

 

 

  
"I'll make sure he doesn't."

 

 

  
"That's all I needed to hear, Simon."

 

 

  
Simon nodded once, "If you don't mind me asking..what is the deal with you and Rick? Are you actually married or ?"

 

 

"I sincerely hope this doesn't turn into some stupid fucking conversation." Negan gave him a warning look. "What? Are you surprised that I have a husband?"

 

 

  
"No no, I've got no problem with you having one." Simon stammered for a second then gained control of his voice.

 

 

"What's your goddamn point then?"

 

 

  
"My point is what if we have a situation on our hands? What if he's here to gain information and somehow he escapes. We have to be prepared for these things is all."

 

 

  
Negan blinked once then twice, "Are you implying that I don't know how to handle myself?"

 

 

  
The room went dead silent aside from the heavy breathing from practically everyone in the room. Not one single person looked amused with the conversation. Negan was glad he didn't have to put anyone else in line. And this was in fact the second time as of recently that Simon pissed him off.

 

 

  
"I-I didn't say that but I'm just worried that we have a situation on our hands, that's all."

 

 

  
Negan got up out of his seat, set Lucille down on the table then leaned over it. "My situation with Rick is under control. In fact he was just bouncing on my fucking dick this morning. He's exactly where I need him to be and that's all you need to know. I suppose me saying that he bounced on my dick wasn't necessary. But you know what? I don't give a fuck. Anyways, someone else can take the floor if they got something important to say."

 

 

  
No one spoke up and Negan took that as a sign that nothing else needed to be discussed. He concluded that the meeting was over and walked out to go see Rick.

 

* * *

 

 

Rick was unbelievably drunk by the time he got back to Negan's room. The room was spinning a little bit and it reminded him why he didn't drink much before. He always was a bit of a light weight, even Shane would point that out. And Lori occasionally chuckled with him about it.

 

  
For some reason he had stripped down to nothing but his boxers at one point. So he was just laying there with his legs spread. Every time he thought about getting up he just couldn't. Rick had no time what it was but he was ready to pass the fuck out. As he started to close his eyes he heard the door open up. Instead of dealing with Negan he pretended to be asleep already. Rick slowed down his breathing and kept his eyes closed.

 

 

  
The noises that Negan was making indicated that he was kicking his boots off. Rick almost expected to go be with one of his wives but instead he came there. The bed started to move a bit which meant he was climbing beside him so Rick shifted and made sleepy noises.

 

 

  
"Fuck. I don't know if you're fully asleep or not but I've had a fucking day. Simon was being annoying as shit and the meeting ran longer than it needed to. You wouldn't believe the things people complain about around here. As much as your community is full of whiny motherfuckers, they seem less needy." Negan stated almost as if he admired that.

 

 

Rick kept his eyes closed and listened to Negan rant on about his day. All he wanted to do was genuinely drift off to sleep but Negan's raspy voice kept him awake. Rick could picture how his face looked, those long eye lashes of his were probably fluttering.

 

 

  
"I'm only saying this because you can't hear me. Not like you'd give a shit anyways since you hate me and all. I've been an asshole but that's just who I am."

 

 

He tried not to laugh at how Negan sounded so vulnerable right then. By the tone of his voice he was being completely honest. Rick listened to Negan talk until he couldn't stay awake anymore and actually passed out.


	11. Winding Roads

"I'm blown the fuck way by how cooperative you've been this past week, Rick." Negan murmured against Rick's neck.

 

  
Rick could feel Negan's stubble rubbing against the most sensitive part of his neck. A shiver traveled through him and trying to suffocate that feeling was useless.

 

  
The deep water he was already in had no shallow spots or safety. Rick was constantly being dragged into some dark place he thought he escaped. This was quite possibly where he was meant to be anyways. No one would ever tell him that though because Alexandria believed they were on the better side of the fence. Rick secretly knew better but he'd never tell any of them that.

 

 

Allowing himself to feel any tenderness from Negan proved a part of him was lost. It felt like he was drifting out to sea on a really rickety raft. Though instead of turning to see anyone he loved around him, there was only Negan.

 

 

Rick allowed himself to lean against the older mans lips. "I got no choice, remember?"

 

 

"Actually you've got a choice here but you're choosing selflessly. You always gotta be the martyr don't you? These people you call your family, would they ever do this shit? Probably fucking not." Negan laughed low and menacing.

 

 

No they probably wouldn't Rick thought bitterly.

 

 

"Does it really matter what they'd do?"

 

 

"No I guess it really doesn't. What really matters right now is what you're in the mood for. Basic foreplay or some slow and tender fuck?"

 

 

Rick wasn't surprised by Negan's random suggestion for sex, at all. "I got no energy so.."

 

 

"Say no more my gorgeous husband." Negan pressed a kiss against his neck then bit down gently. "I'll make you feel real fuckin' good without you having to lift a finger."

 

 

Before Rick could even hum or give Negan a really lackluster response he was flipped onto his back. He watched on as Negan slithered down to his legs. The older man tugged down his light blue boxers and flashed a sinister smirk. Rick wouldn't admit to Negan that it really turned him on.

 

 

For no reason that Rick could think of Negan was being more sensual with his actions. Instead of the rough pounding or the fast paced foreplay. Rick closed his eyes and clutched the sheets when he felt breath against his length. Without any further pushing Negan swallowed him down to the base. After a few minutes he heard the pop of the lube cap and Negan was sliding his fingers inside him. They moved rhythmically while Negan bobbed his head up and down.

 

 

  
Rick's back lifted off the bed from the abundance of pleasure he was experiencing. He didn't really know what to focus on, whether it was Negan's mouth or his fingers. This really wasn't what he was used to from Negan so it was a shock to the system.

 

 

  
The pleasure was overwhelming and before Rick could hold back, he was cumming down Negan's throat. Rick wasn't exactly in the mood for sex so that was enough for him. When Negan moved his mouth away he expected some snarky comment. Instead of a snarky comment Rick got a genuine smile.

 

 

Rick looked at Negan cautiously, "This is usually the time where you ask me to suck you off."

 

 

  
"Nope." Negan shook his head. "I'm gonna go jerk off in the shower actually, I'll see ya when I get out."

 

 

  
After hearing Negan say that he was off to the shower just as he said and closed the door behind him.

 

 

  
"What the fuck?" Rick whispered to himself before laying his head back down.

 

* * *

 

  
It didn't take very long for Negan to get out of the shower but when he did he seemed chipper. Rick never bothered predicting when he would do next because he was unpredictable.

 

 

Since it had been a little while since Rick visited Alexandria he wanted to request a trip. Normally he didn't bother asking until Negan brought it up himself. But today he noticed his chances were higher of being able to go.

 

 

When Negan dropped his towel without any warning Rick just rolled his eyes. Yet he still stared at his long legs and the dark hair that was scattered along his body. Rick didn't realize he was licking his lips until Negan chuckled at him.

 

 

  
"I catch you sometimes." Negan shifted through his drawers and found a pair of black briefs to put on.

 

 

"What do you mean?" Rick pretended to be oblivious to what he was asking him.

 

 

Negan got his boxers on then stood still. "Sometimes you stare at me, not just when I'm naked either but even in the most casual moments. It's fucking hilarious 'cause for someone who hates me so much - you sure love to stare."

 

 

"I-I wasn't meaning to so don't let it go to your head." Rick snapped instinctively.

 

 

"Don't need to get your panties in a fucking bunch. I'm just making an observation and by the way I like when you stare." Negan winked at him and continued to put on the rest of his clothes. His outfits were generally the same most days: white t-shirt, grey jeans, leather jacket and his boots.

 

 

Rick blushed and turned his head away so Negan wouldn't see him. "Would it be possible for me to go to Alexandria today. It's been a little bit since I've seen everyone back home."

 

 

  
"That won't be a problem at all! I've actually given some thought to the pick up situation and maybe I'll collect from your people monthly instead of weekly. At the end of every month we'll swing by then get a shit load of whatever you've got. How's that sound, Rick? You were always the one to deliver but now that you're here it's been a little disappointing."

 

 

  
For Alexandria it would make a world of a difference to have longer than a week to get things. Sometimes his people even went so far as to travel quite a ways to find items. So for Rick anything than that was satisfying.

 

 

  
"Are you serious?" Rick asked incredulously, he didn't know if Negan was testing him or not.

 

 

  
"I wouldn't kid about that shit and I think it's the best thing moving forward. And it makes your people less likely to try to wage war against me again. Which by the way I'm still curious as to how you were able to do it." Negan stared at him with a blank face. "Did you have someone from here helping you?"

 

 

  
Rick had no allegiance to Dwight but he had a feeling he'd need him at a later time. So instead of revealing who the mole was he just shook his head. "No, we didn't. Believe it or not Maggie was mostly the one who pushed us forward."

 

 

 

None of that was a total lie since Maggie and Sasha helped train the Hilltoppers. Rick's heart sank when he thought of Sasha and how she sacrificed herself. Her sacrifice didn't add up to much given the war didn't last that long. She gave them a fighting chance for nothing. All of the death added up to nothing other than more destruction.

 

 

 

Negan seemed convinced enough, "Alright, I believe you. Besides if you're lying to me there will be even bigger consequences for you. Anyways today I need you to get everyone on board with the new terms. I can't do it myself since your people still have a huge fucking hate on for me. I'll be in the room when this happens but the floor is all yours."

 

 

"That's...fair." Rick agreed, he climbed out of bed with a stretch and put his boxers back on. "Do I have time for a shower or are we leavin' right now?"

 

 

"I think we should just leave right now before some problem arises around here." Negan made his way over to the door, grabbed Lucille and stood there.

 

 

"Alright. I'll quickly get dressed then."

 

* * *

 

 

Driving alone in the car with Negan was a first because usually Arat was there. She had be hands down one of the most loyal soldiers that Negan had. Rick never pictured her ever betraying Negan and that type of loyalty was dangerous. Even though he wasn't there when it happened, she was the one who shot Olivia. From what he was told she didn't even flinch or second guess him either.

 

 

Rick put his boots up on the dashboard and let he music playing in the car take him away. Since Negan had an interesting selection of music he'd grown used to different genres. Before he was always driving people nuts with his apparent terrible taste in music. Now he was the person who had no control over what they listened to on their drives.

 

 

The lyrics were eerily applicable to Negan as a person.

 

 

"So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire."

 

 

"Let's play game." Negan said out of nowhere with his eyes on the road.

 

 

  
"What type of game?" Rick asked wearily without even glancing over at Negan. His definition of games were always something fucked up.

 

 

  
"I don't fucking know..that game where you ask each other questions or whatever the fuck."

 

 

  
"Do you mean twenty questions?"

 

 

Given their ages Rick didn't ever picture them playing that but it was probably just to pass the time. The drive to Alexandria wasn't short and they were ten minutes into the drive.

 

 

"Sure, why not." Rick managed to say without laughing. "You go first since you suggested it."

 

 

  
"Figures you'd make me go first. Alright, what's your favorite dessert?" Negan asked with a smirk on his face.

 

 

  
Rick took a moment or two to think about it because in the old world he had a few. "Ice cream, didn't really matter what kind."

 

 

  
"No wonder you love that gelato so damn much." Negan chortled. "It's your turn now and don't ask me some stupid shit either."

 

 

  
"Someone's takin' this a little seriously." Rick jabbed playfully, for once he didn't hate Negan's company. At least not at the moment because he wasn't being a sadistic asshole.

 

 

  
Negan looked over briefly with a sly smile on his face. "That sounded a bit flirtatious, Rick. Are you softening up to me? Well I mean in a matter of speaking considering I make you hard."

 

 

"Ha-ha and no you're just imagining things." Rick tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. "My question is do you actually have feelings for me?"

 

 

  
"I really hope this is a genuine question and not some way to get on my fucking nerves." Negan's grip on the steering wheel was unbelievably tight. His face was contorting into a semi rage that Rick needed to stifle right away.

 

 

  
Rick fiddled with his fingers nervously, "I'm actually askin' you since it still confuses me."

 

 

  
"Do you want the long or short answer?" Negan visibly calmed down and loosened his shoulders.

 

 

  
"Whatever answer makes sense." Rick took the breath that he was holding.

 

 

Asking Negan a question like that was him skating on very thin ice. Despite the dangers that came from Negan possibly being intimate, Rick needed to know. Playing this guessing game of whether or not Negan was being genuine was bothering him. Not that he would ever feel the same.

 

 

"You asked so I'm gonna answer. I'm pretty sure I do and it actually frustrates the hell outta me. You hate my fucking guts, your people hate my fucking guts and not to mention this marriage was forced. When you were brought to me I did take pleasure with the fact that I won. Then somewhere along the way I let that small soft spot for you take over. Maybe it was always there to begin with. Problem is that I'm the monster under your fucking bed. So you can't possibly reciprocate this at least not in a way that makes you feel good. For me to have ever expected that shit was pretty damn stupid honestly. So to simply answer your question, the feelings do seem real."

 

 

  
"Thank you, Negan."

 

 

  
Negan slowed the car down so he could look over properly. "Why are you thanking me?"

 

 

  
"For givin' me the truth." Rick said loud enough for the older man to hear him. They stared into each other's eyes before Negan went back to driving and turned the volume up.

 

 

* * *

 

  
"Why the hell is he in our house?" Michonne asked immediately when she saw Negan walk in with Rick.

 

  
Not even that long of being back in Alexandria and Rick was already having to mediate. Rick stepped between Michonne and Negan who looked overly confrontational. At first he had no idea why Negan was so angry at Michonne. Then he realized it was probably jealousy.

 

 

Rick saw Carl glaring from the corner of the room while holding onto Judith who was asleep. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Carl was still upset about the arrangement. Rick silently confirmed to himself that he had to have a conversation with his son before he left.

 

 

Instead of allowing the confrontation to escalate he led Negan into the kitchen. Rick gave Michonne a look that said to hear him out before snapping. She hesitated in a way that almost seemed like she didn't trust him anymore. Seeing that look on her face pained him but he needed her to do it. When he got a nod as confirmation he finally answered her question.

 

 

"I'm here to visit and he had to come with me. Besides we need to have a meeting right now and you need to be apart of it." Rick stated calmly.

 

 

"What type of meeting?" Carl asked curiously.

 

 

  
Rick had his hands on his hips, "None of your concern."

 

 

  
"Actually it is my concern considering I'm actually here, unlike you." Carl shot back angrily, his eye was narrowed.

 

 

  
"Looks like your kid is still a sassy motherfucker like you." Negan whispered to Rick.

 

 

  
Rick shot Negan an agitated look, "Shut up."

 

 

  
Michonne cleared her throat awkwardly, "Does this meeting involve everyone?"

 

 

  
"I don't think we need to get the whole town involved considering only a handful of us..you even go scavenging." Rick felt awkwardness bubbling to the surface. Why did he correct himself like he was no longer apart of Alexandria?

 

 

  
"Okay but I'm telling you right now that no one will want him at this meeting. He's lucky that Maggie's at the Hilltop." Michonne had her hand on her katana's handle.

 

 

  
"Ah, the widow. She was a real thorn in my fucking side for a while there. Hopefully that's all over." Negan swung Lucille over his shoulder.

 

 

Rick tried not to roll his eyes at the pissing contest that Negan was trying to engage in. Of course he couldn't just act normal around anyone. There always had to be some form of taunting coming from his end of things.

 

 

"She wants you dead, we all do. Or has that changed too, dad?" Carl stomped towards the front door with Judith still in his arms. "I'm coming to the meeting."

 

 

Rick wouldn't even bother trying to touch that question with a ten foot pole.

 

 

* * *

 

  
All the people that could be there were and it was a tension filled meeting. Rick could practically feel the anger beaming from Rosita and Carl. Then there were Michonne and Daryl who didn't really show emotion on their faces. Tara seemed nervous and awkward because of the tension. Eugene seemed more scared than anything. Gabriel was seated patiently without any fear in his eyes. And then Judith was just sitting in Carl's lap without a care in the world.

 

 

Rick didn't know how to bring up the pick ups without getting negative reaction. What he had to say would make a world of a difference but he had to tread carefully. While they were all valid in what they felt towards Negan it wasn't the time.

 

 

When Rick tried to see if Daryl was pissed at him he only got a head shake. Expecting anything less right now given who he would be leaving with was useless.

 

 

"Can you just get on with it so that motherfucker can leave?" Rosita directed her attention towards Negan. "I swear if he so much as says anything stupid I'll -"

 

 

The person who seemed to calm Rosita down right away was Tara, they were holding hands suddenly. Rick tried not to widen his eyes upon seeing that. He had always noticed they had a connection but he never quite put a hand on what type.

 

 

"Well this meeting is 'bout the pick ups actually. I know that it's a sensitive topic for all of us but Negan has decided to cut back on them. Instead of weekly he'll come here at the end of the month." Rick stood at the front of the church like he always used to.

 

 

  
"Why can't he just stop completely? Daryl piped up from his seat. "That asshole is already takin' from every damn community in sight."

 

 

  
Negan started to laugh deeply from his seat, "Are you fucking kidding me? How the hell do you think the Sanctuary is run? You dumb fucks couldn't even go to war properly. Now you want me to reward that bullshit with no pick ups?"

 

 

  
"Enough!" Rick hissed. "The decision is final and that's it."

 

 

 

"Glad to see who you're supporting now." Rosita sneered, she looked at him with such judgement that Rick didn't know what to do with it.

 

 

  
"I never said I support everythin' he does but we have to work together. We've lost too many people for us to do anythin' but that. Don't pretend that violence is the answer when it just brings us all more heartbreak. Think of who we coulda lost if we kept the war goin'! Now is everyone at least satisfied with this new arrangement?"

 

 

  
Everyone murmured in agreement with sour looks on their faces. Rick took that as a better outcome than having an all out brawl in the middle of the church building.

 

 

  
"Alright." Rick walked away from the podium and headed straight towards Carl. He reached for Judith then gave her a kiss on her blonde head.

 

 

Michonne offered to take Judith in which Carl handed her over. "I'll see you later, Rick."

 

 

Rick squeezed her shoulder before she walked away from him slowly. There was still so much not addressed between and Rick knew neither of them were ready to talk about it. His feelings for Michonne weren't gone, they just lingered like a strong scent on his clothes.

 

 

 

"Uh, Negan. Can you please wait for me outside? And just don't speak to any of them." Rick warned the older man who didn't even look bothered.

 

 

  
"Sure thing darlin' and it was nice to see you again kid." Negan tipped Carl's hat partway off before he exited the building.

 

 

  
Carl waited until Negan was long gone to get into it. "He's such an asshole."

 

 

  
"I know it's difficult for you to understand why I'm doin' this but you have to know it's for you and everyone else. You're allowed to hate him, just don't let that cloud your judgement."

 

 

  
"Do you even hate him anymore, dad? You don't even look at him like you did before. And don't lie to me because I can see it on your face." Carl had a disappointed look in his eye and his mouth almost curled in disgust.

 

 

"I want you to listen to me right now. Okay? I'm still your father and I'm just doin' my best to keep you and everyone that we love safe. This arrangement is my business so don't concern yourself with it. Not unless you actually have to." Rick stated firmly.

 

 

  
"Whatever. Have a nice drive home." Carl deadpanned before turning around to leave.

 

 

  
Rick wanted to cry out of frustration so badly but instead he shoved it down. Being strong was the only way he got through anything. No one else was going to be strong for him so he had to do that for himself. As pathetic as it sounded the only person who wasn't totally against him was Negan.

 

 

  
And that seemed worse than anything else.

 

 

* * *

 

  
For twenty minutes straight Rick didn't say a damn thing to Negan. They left Alexandria together without so much as a goodbye from anyone.The most that Rick got was Rosita glaring and Michonne staring at him solemnly. Rick hated how the decision that kept everyone safe was what was ripping them apart.

 

 

Emotion wise Rick felt as if his insides were being torn apart inside his stomach. He yelled at Negan to stop the car and park on the side o the road. Trying to calm himself down wasn't working so Rick unbuckled his seat belt. He reached over to Negan's crotch and let his hand hover.

 

 

Rick laughed a bit hysterically at how pathetic the situation was becoming. "I need somethin' to distract me, I need to let go for a minute."

 

 

"Rick, you'll probably regret this shit later and I don't wanna fucking get lectured again." Negan breathed heavily.

 

 

  
"I don't even care right now. Do you have lube?" Rick didn't waste another second and searched throughout Negan's jacket pockets. He found a small packet of it then started to get his jeans undone.

 

 

"Fuck." Negan growled when Rick tossed his dark grey jeans into the backseat.

 

 

  
Rick got his boxers off despite the cramped space he was in. "I know you want to fuck me and I'm askin' you to just give me this. You've fucked me in worse circumstances than this."

 

 

"Can't this shit wait until we get back to the Sanctuary? I doubt you wanna get fucked in the backseat."

 

 

"Actually." Rick maneuvered himself to the backseat of the vehicle they were in. The space was really crammed but he managed to bend over properly. He reached down to his length and started to stroke himself. "Please, Negan. I really need this right now."

 

 

Just as Rick hoped he heard Negan's belt unbuckling in the front seat.

 

 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can promise y'all that there will be fluff next chapter.


	12. Take You to the Edge

Negan breathed heavily over Rick after he came inside him. Trying to resist Rick seemed genuinely impossible in that moment. Which was the fucking crazy part because he was supposed to breaking Rick. He wasn't supposed to be falling for the man or making moon eyes. After Lucille died Negan swore that he'd never let anybody in like that ever again. Yet he was currently bending over backwards for his sworn goddamn enemy.

 

  
What type of fucking world was he living in now?

 

  
After giving himself the much needed ten seconds of catching his breath, he pulled out. Negan tugged his pants back up his legs and got back in the front seat.

 

 

Exchanging words was pointless because essentially Rick didn't need him, he needed the sex. Which Negan understood but it silently bothered him.

 

  
The whole car smelled like sex, Rick looked like disaster in human form and Negan wanted to break something. Good fucking times. Negan turned the key in the ignition and started to drive regardless of whether Rick was ready or not. For a second he didn't bother caring about anything. He needed to give himself at least the whole ride to not think about his feelings.

* * *

 

 

The very moment they got back to the Sanctuary, Negan hopped out of the vehicle first. His mind felt a little less like a hurricane and he knew what he needed to do. Which was woo Rick into falling for him. That wouldn't be too difficult, at least that's what Negan wanted to believe.

 

  
He escorted Rick back inside with a huge grin on his face like he'd won the damn lottery. All his Saviors were staring at them because of it. Negan didn't give two fucks about whether or not he appeared to be desperate for Rick. In fact he was starving for him all over again. The hallway they were headed down was desolate so that made sure they weren't interrupted.

 

 

Negan's hand went from the small of Rick's back right down to the perky ass of his. Once he squeezed just a little bit a gasp escaped from Rick's lips. It seemed ridiculous since Negan went from feeling used to wanting to fuck not long after. What could he really say about himself? He was a complex human being.

 

 

Without even thinking about it he dragged Rick off to the nearest empty room. Negan shoved Rick inside and slammed the door behind them. Just so no one could walk in he had Rick up against the door. They started to kiss with a different type of roughness, his hand was in Rick's hair and they were bucking against each other. Being violent with each other wasn't at all a first so Negan was into it.

 

 

 _This isn't what I want it to be_ Negan thought in the back of his head as Rick moaned. And it was all his damn fault given he twisted Rick like a cloth the moment he got there. From making him sit in that room, forcing to wear that lingerie, treating him like a piece of ass and going on a power trip.

 

 

"Wow, I can't say I'm surprised you'd think I can't be romantic. My wife thought I was plenty romantic..okay maybe not all the fucking time. But when I was she enjoyed what I planned for her. Though she out shined me when she planned dates for us. Anyways, I promise it won't be bullshit. Cross my heart."

 

 

  
"That's if you have one."

 

 

  
"Ha-ha, very fucking funny. Let's get outta here smart ass before someone realizes I'm slacking."

* * *

 

 

If Negan's idea of taking him on a loop to see the rest of the Sanctuary then Rick was disappointed. He never really expected Negan to deliver anything in the first place. But he silently hoped for a lot more than a tour.

 

 

Rick was seeing all the parts of the Sanctuary that he never realized existed. From the main kitchen where majority of the food was prepared, a room where tattoos and piercings were done and some of the other living quarters.

 

 

The Sanctuary was nothing like Alexandria, not in shape or form. Rick couldn't even picture his family living in a factory. Much less a factory that didn't seem all that homey. Though it seemed like Negan was trying to make it a home. At least for himself if anything.

 

 

Eventually they looped right back around and Negan radioed one of his Saviors to get food prepared. If that didn't catch Rick by surprise then Negan reaching down and entangling their hands. Not once in Rick's entire time there had Negan ever held his hand. Rick didn't try to pull away like he would have before. In fact he continued to walk back to the room with his...husband.

* * *

 

 

_Negan refused to leave Lucille's side despite their insistent urging that he go home and shower. He knew he smelled like road kill but he couldn't miss any moments. What if she up and fucking died on him while he was home? No, he wouldn't risk that shit happening._

 

_From what the doctor's told him she didn't have a lot of time left. Which was the same bullshit that he said months ago so Negan didn't believe him. Negan put on some Marvin Gaye on his phone since Lucille loved old school music. She had a faint smile on her face when the song came on._

 

_Seeing her smile despite being so weak and sick was quite the fucking sight. It made Negan think of their wedding night where she looked so alive and carefree. Negan swayed to the music with a lot of emphasis, he even started to sing a little bit for her and she softly chuckled._

 

_They both sang terribly together which made Negan start laughing until he began to cry. Lucille put her hand against his face with whatever energy she had. When he leaned into the touch he thought about how he wouldn't have it much longer. Soon her energy to do so would fade away. And soon she would fade away like a gust of smoke._

 

_"Turn off the music, Negan." Lucille coughed._

 

_"I'm fucking sorry for this shit. I deserve to be in this goddamn bed." Negan sobbed and turned off the music. "You deserve to live and I deserve to rot in the ground. I've been a shit husband."_

 

_"We've discussed this already. Stop this pity party right the fuck now." Lucille leaned her head back against her fluffed pillow._

 

_Sometimes Negan hoped that one day Lucille would tell him to leave her alone. To leave her alone to die without him there. It's what he would fucking deserve. All he'd done their entire marriage was fuck her over. Negan hated himself for that shit because he took something beautiful and squashed it._

 

_Everyone that used to be close to Lucille didn't even bother to come around because of him. They didn't even visit her at the hospital or leave any cards. She never had decent fucking parents so they sure as hell didn't come around. Once Lucille finally died Negan didn't know what he'd do._

 

_Negan wiped the tears away from his eyes, "Why did you stay with me? Why didn't you leave?"_

 

_Lucille coughed again but more profusely then settled down. "I don't know and I don't think I'll ever have an answer for you. Saying that I didn't leave because I love you would sound stereotypical. When I found out you cheated the first time I didn't feel as angry. And I wish you had kept seeing that woman 'cause you'll need someone. You can't close yourself off to people once I die. I want you to go out there and find someone else, finally embrace who you are."_

 

  
_"I don't want someone else.The only thing I want is for you to get better and for it to be a goddamn miracle."_

 

  
_"Honey, the only miracle that will come from this is if you are able to move on from me once I go."_

 

  
_Negan shut his eyes tightly, "I don't think I will be able to do that shit."_

 

  
_"Maybe you'll find someone who will be worth letting you feel love again." Lucille urged him close to her face. "I want you to love again someday. Or else I'll haunt you."_

 

  
_Negan kissed Lucille's forehead tenderly, "Please haunt me."_

 

* * *

 

 

Being soft and sweet was really never Negan's forte post Lucille. Sure, he had his moments but they were fair and few. Not to mention they weren't completely genuine. Negan thought of softness as weakness and being sweet with his wives was a way to keep them around. He knew none of them were there to cuddle or even to fuck. They were there to not be workers and to live a better life.

 

 

Now he was in a similar situation only Rick was there to assure his family had a better life. Which just proved how much of a martyr Rick was. Sometimes Negan would laugh at how ungrateful his so called family was about the deal. Their leader was married and living with his enemy. And they were still bitching and complaining about having to owe anything at all. Negan would gladly Lucille them if he was told to.

 

 

Negan laid on the bed with Rick right beside him. They were breathing slowly and Marvin Gaye was playing in the room. He thought of how Lucille would want him to really move on. The apocalypse had made it even harder for him to do since it began for him right when she died.

 

 

He scooted out of the bed and Rick glanced over with a wide eyed expression. Negan held his hand out then gestured for Rick to get up. It really did surprise the hell out of him when Rick did roll out of their bed. Rick got closer to him all nervously and took his hand. That urged Negan to pull the younger man real close to his chest. They slow danced to the music and Negan could feel the sparks.

 

 

Holding Rick extra close was so unbelievably thrilling, it reminded him how it felt to be intimate. That the way to Rick's heart was through other means than sex. Negan noticed how relaxed Rick felt in his arms like they weren't enemies. Almost like the younger man trusted him.

 

 

Unfortunately they were interrupted by whoever was bringing up their dinner. As soon as Negan left Rick standing there he noticed the disappointment.

 

 

Negan winked at Rick then headed over to the door. The person on the other side was some guy named Lionel who he barely interacted with. "Thanks, be sure to come back here when I radio for the plates to be taken."

 

 

"Yes, of course sir." Lionel nodded profusely. "Do you need anythin' else? Perhaps a bottle of what we've collected from the Kingdom recently?"

 

 

"That would be absolutely fantastic since I've run out of that shit I like. Run a bottle up here and take one for yourself even. Just don't tell everyone." Negan gave him the most charming smile he could.

 

 

"Thank you so much sir, I'm very grateful." Lionel stammered before jetting off in the opposite direction.

 

 

Negan closed the door then turned to see Rick was sitting down on the bed. "Sorry 'bout that little interruption."

 

 

"It's okay. Probably better that we stop anyways." Rick stated with a bit of seriousness in his tone of voice.

 

 

  
"Why do you constantly do that? Whenever we have a moment that you're clearly into it's just whatever. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy me holding you."

 

 

"The problem is that I did."

 

 

Instead of rolling his eyes and beginning a fight with Rick he took a different approach. Always trying to argue was never getting them anywhere. And not listening to what Rick had to say just added to the tension. So instead of being an asshole he walked towards Rick. The younger man didn't move and he just stood in front of him with his arms crossed.

 

 

  
"You think your little community will somehow find out that we slow danced? Who gives a fuck what they think anyways?" Negan grimaced at how dumb of a question that was. "I mean I know you give a fuck but you shouldn't."

 

 

Rick stared up at him dumbstruck, "Why shouldn't I? Everyone is allowed to feel betrayed 'cause this is..this is a.."

 

 

 

"Betrayal." Negan finished his sentence for him. "You think you enjoying what I have to offer is a betrayal."

 

 

"How can you think it's anythin' other than that?"

 

 

  
"Those people..I'm sorry Rick but they're ungrateful fucks. Everyone is always on your ass and criticizes your decisions. Who I've been, that's on me, all the people I've killed.. none of it is really your fault. Yet I see how they look at you like you're the cause of it all."

 

 

  
Rick held his hand up to urge him to stop. "I can't hear this right now."

 

 

  
"Listen to me or block me out, I don't give a fuck." Negan bent down so they were talking close. "Stop caring what these people want from you. It doesn't matter if it's Carl either 'cause that kid knows you love him. Eventually he'll get over this shit. "

 

 

   
"But - " Rick tried to say before Negan cut him off completely.

 

 

"Nu uh, no buts..unless it's yours." Negan poked his tongue between his teeth in attempts to lighten the mood. It worked briefly before Rick stopped smiling again and had a sour look on his face.

 

 

"Can we just eat now?"

 

 

"Yeah, Rick. We can eat now."

 

* * *

 

 

They drank together after they finished their meal because the bottle was brought late. Negan was pretty damn drunk if anyone asked him. His arm was around Rick's body as the younger man laid against him. It seemed like Rick was fading in and out of sleep.

 

Negan hated when it was painfully silent but he didn't want to wake Rick if he was awake. Softly he began talking out loud about his feelings like they were having a fucking sleep over.

 

At first he was just rambling about how pretty he thought Rick and his eyes were. Then of course he went completely off course and started to dive a little deeper into the emotional pool.

 

"I don't know why I can't fucking control this. You're so..I don't even fucking know what to say. My late wife she uh - she told me that I'd have to move on eventually. I didn't wanna fucking hear it at the time, I wanted her to live."

 

Negan continued to speak when he noticed Rick was completely still. "The chances of you actually falling for me are so low but I guess I can fucking hope for it. You can't hear me right now so my question if I had the balls to ask it would be.. do you think you ever could? Do you think you ever could actually fall for me? "

* * *

 

 

Normally Rick would get a raging hangover after drinking that much yet this time he didn't. For once he didn't wake up to a half empty bed, Negan was still laying there, snoring. The older man always looked so mellow when he was asleep. Some people looked tense even during their sleep. Yet Negan, who happened to be extremely volatile, seemed peaceful. Maybe just like for Rick, sleep was an escape from the reality that was the world now.

 

 

Rick didn't know if he'd Negan know that he did hear him talking. He found that was the one time Negan was emotionally open. When he thought that Rick couldn't hear him.

 

 

Those words shook Rick to the core and he didn't know how to feel. Rick wasn't foolish enough to trust him completely. And definitely wasn't foolish enough to let any emotions compromise their arrangement. Especially not romantic feelings or any emotions that weren't negative.

 

 

Rick reached out to Negan's cheek and touched his stubble. "I know you can't hear me but I don't know. My answer is I don't know."

* * *

 

 

A handful of days went by without them discussing anything too personal. Negan wasn't bothered by it. Taking a break from leading Rick to the edge was better anyways. Since Rick wasn't around he put on his glasses to look over some papers. Most of the papers were full of fucking chicken scratch, it made Negan miss computers.

 

 

Negan rolled his eyes at the almost unreadable paper. They were trying to organize the minor operations at the Sanctuary. And so far it was proving to be more stressful than anything else. What Negan couldn't understand was how scattered Simon was. Not only that but Dwight was acting sketchy as fuck still.

 

 

He radioed Dwight to come up to his room and didn't give him a full on reason. Negan made sure Lucille was real close to him. If Dwight was a fucking punk bitch that was feeding information he'd just club him. Disloyalty was never dismissed around the Sanctuary and he knew that.

 

 

The second that Dwight opened the door to the door, Negan urged him to get closer. Instead of relenting, Dwight did as he was told. That was a good sign but it wasn't enough to prove a damn thing.

 

 

"Dwighty boy, I presume you're confused as to why I told you to come up here." Negan raised his eyebrows up.

 

 

Dwight remained stoic as always, "I do what I'm told whether I'm confused or not."

 

 

  
"You're such a good little soldier for me, if I didn't have Simon then you'd be my right hand man. Anyways I'm curious 'bout something and I don't really like what it fucking is either."

 

 

  
"What is it?"

 

 

  
Negan got off the couch and picked Lucille up, "Be honest or this won't be a pleasant situation."

 

 

  
"What exactly are you implying?" Dwight had no nervousness on his face and he stood in his spot."

 

 

  
"Are you betraying me? Are you trying to fuck me over? If you are then you'd better fess up now before I fucking find out. You know what it's like when I get mad, don't you Dwighty boy."

 

 

  
"I would never betray you. I've got no reason to." Dwight had a certain type of confidence to his voice that Negan believed.

 

 

  
"Alright. " Negan patted his shoulder like he was a faithful dog. "That's a fucking relief 'cause I don't wanna kill one of my best men."

 

 

  
"Is that all you wanted? Did you want me to do anything else for you?" Dwight asked him.

 

 

  
"No, that's all I needed to ask. You can go back to doing whatever the fuck you were doing. Also can you figure out who wrote these fucking reports? This shit is hard to read."

 

 

  
"Of course. I'll get right on it."

 

 

When Dwight left the room Negan narrowed his eyes slowly. Even if Dwight wasn't actively betraying him, there was something he wasn't saying. And Negan was now hell bent on figuring that shit out.

 

 

 


	13. Weighing Options

Alexandria wasn't Rick's home anymore.

 

  
At least not in the way it used to be prior to his marriage to Negan. When was the last time he'd gone there and felt as if he genuinely belonged there. Maybe his place was no longer cemented as it was once was. Rick shoved the remainder of his sandwich into his mouth and left the room. Being cooped up in what was now his room too got to be a little tiresome after a while.

 

 

Rick considered going to the wives room which essentially he didn't belong there either. Every time he popped in for a visit the wives would give him a certain stank eye. Clearly it was connected to the fact that Negan barely spent time there anymore. According to Negan he gave them all the attention they apparently needed. Which obviously was a bunch of bullshit as far as Rick was concerned. What was the purpose of the wives if he so called feelings for him were real? They weren't there to do anything but fill an emotional gap in Negan.

 

 

The more Rick thought about it, he almost sounded jealous of those women. And that was unbelievably ridiculous and not to mention petty. He was married to Negan too so why the hell did he care about those arrangements?

 

 

Instead of being an absolute child about it, Rick back tracked to the wives room to make conversation. There was a high possibility that they were just wary of him. Since he did come from a community that wanted to destroy their home.

 

 

Rick walked into the elaborately decorated room that always reminded him a petite lounge. The women stopped their conversation mid way and kept their eyes on him. One of the only people that wasn't paying attention was Amber who was drunk again.

 

 

He offered them a brief nod before hopping onto one of the bar stools. Rick poured himself of whatever the hell was in the decanter. He swirled the glass and watched as the amber colored liquor danced. The tiniest details were amusing to him lately.

 

 

Just as he thought he was becoming comfortable in an uncomfortable space, there was an outburst. Rick subtly glanced over to find Amber sobbing into Frankie's lap. Since he was curious he listened into their conversation.

 

 

"I'm telling him today that I want out. I can't do this anymore." Amber sobbed then hiccuped a moment after.

 

 

Frankie smoothed her hair out, "Are you sure you don't want us to you know what?"

 

 

  
"No. This is my problem and I'll deal with it." Amber wiped away the tears that didn't seem to stop flowing.

 

 

Rick had zero clue what they were discussing but it wasn't meant for his ears anyways. Before they could catch his eavesdropping he went back to drinking. After spending what had been likely a half hour in the wives room he exited with a wave to Frankie. She waved right back with a genuine smile. Out of everyone there she was the most welcoming, next to Tanya. All the other wives seemed to keep to themselves or talk to specific women.

 

 

Rick noticed that certain wives were especially touchy with each other. It made Rick briefly think about if Negan cared if the wives slept with each other. With a light laugh he brushed the thought of his mind because it really wasn't his business either way.

 

 

Walking down the dank hallway he noticed how confusing it was inside the Sanctuary. At times he forgot where he was headed since it looked the same everywhere. Rick didn't really have a direction now though so he just shrugged when he lost direction.

 

 

He didn't notice when Simon came around the corner with that eerie smile plastered on his face. Rick bumped right into the man and they both grunted. The vibes he was getting off Simon came across as agitated. Simon was wearing a dark green button up similar to his own. Rick didn't want to find that to be creepy at first sight but it actually was.

 

 

"Hello Rick. Long time, no see. Where has Negan been hiding ya?" Simon smiled a bit too happily, to Rick it looked way too happy.

 

 

Rick stammered but managed to find his voice again. "Nowhere. I've been around."

 

 

"I can see that." Simon gave him a once over and it made Rick's skin crawl. "Where you headed?"

 

 

"Oh, I'm just walkin' around for somethin' to do. Do you know where Negan is? I'm pretty sure Amber's lookin' for him."

 

 

"Last I saw him he was looking for Arat so I don't know. Anyways I've been meaning to ask you a few questions. Y'know without Negan around."

 

 

Rick breathed out through his nose, "W-w-what do you wanna ask me?"

 

 

"Can you walk and talk?" Simon ushered Rick forwards without getting an actual answer to his question. "So here's the deal, Rick. I've been expressing some concerns about where your allegiances lie. And I know you being Negan's husband should make that obvious..to everyone but me. I've seen how good you are at lying first hand, remember back when Daryl escaped and said you hadn't seen him?"

 

 

Inside Rick's head he could tell that he had to escape this conversation as soon as possible. That meant either getting the hell out of there or trying to end the conversation. Something about Simon always made Rick feel uncomfortable. He wasn't the easiest card to read at all. Though the way Simon's hands were all of a sudden around his shoulder said enough.

 

 

  
"We did what we thought was best at the time. I can't change what I've done in the past but I'm here and that's the most I can say." Rick kept his face even so that Simon couldn't read between the lines. "Does Negan know what you think of me?"

 

 

"That's a very interesting question which reminds me that I've got a meeting to attend. Glad we got to have this talk, Rick. I'll be sure to tell Negan his hubby said hi." Simon raised his eyebrows before letting go of Rick's shoulders.

 

 

Rick forced a smile of his own, "Thank you. Have a good day, Simon."

 

 

"You too, Rick." Simon stalked off into the distance and that's when Rick left out a stuttering breath.

 

 

All of a sudden Rick couldn't breathe properly, his chest was heaving and he couldn't take in much air.  Rick could tell right away that it was an anxiety attack from how his breathing was restricted.

 

 

"Great. Just fuckin' great." Rick groaned to himself as he sunk down to the cold factory floor. Using the techniques that he was taught before in the force about anxiety attacks wasn't working. From all the traumatic events he'd witnessed or experienced he should be used to it by now. Though one thing he really never took time to think about was his mental health.

 

 

Rick clutched to his chest then let out a wheezy sob out of frustration. "Dammit."

* * *

 

 

Whatever the hell Dwight was hiding it was bothering the fucking shit out of Negan. To the point where he wanted to grab the scarred man and shake him. Most likely that would have a shit outcome but almost didn't care. If it wasn't Dwight then someone very obviously was hiding something from him. They were so close to getting to the bottom of things until the war erupted. Negan waited for everyone to enter the room where they held the meetings. Since it was only the higher ranking Saviors he didn't have to wait long.

 

 

Internally he did a run down of what Dwight could be hiding. At first he wondered if it was the location of Sherry but that wasn't likely. She got the hell out of there and didn't bother to tell Dwighty boy where she was headed. And the likelihood that Dwight would betray him over his now ex wife was ridiculous. Was it possible that Dwight was feeding Alexandria secrets?

 

 

Negan's eye started to twitch when he thought about one of his own fucking him over. More specifically Dwight given how he could have killed his ass long ago. His right hand clutched so hard to Lucille's handle that Negan thought he'd break it. The agitation was clouding his direction because Simon had a look on his face. Negan didn't have a damn clue that he was in his own head for several minutes.

 

 

From what he could tell they weren't discussing anything important. Definitely not until someone mentioned Alexandria and Rick in the same sentence. Negan immediately went into irrational protective mode. Seemed pretty fucking stupid in hindsight since Alexandria was his still his enemy.

 

 

Negan smacked Lucille against the table hard enough to get everyone's attention. The first person to seemingly ignore his subtle threat was Simon. For whatever fucking reason Simon had been a little defiant as of late. Or more like thinking too much for himself.

 

 

"Why the fuck are we discussing Alexandria? That situation is handled and not a goddamn problem currently." Negan waited for someone to actually respond. His eyes found Simon's and it really wasn't a pleasant moment.

 

 

Simon cleared his throat, "We're discussing what needs to be discussed."

 

 

"Which is what? Alexandria is in the palm of my hand last I checked." Negan was certain of where he stood with Alexandria more than anything. They were right he needed them to be and that was fucking it. No discussion needed to be had about yet Simon was bringing it up anyways.

 

 

  
"Have you asked Rick where his allegiance even lies? He ain't one of us, Negan. You forced him into a marriage and who knows why he agreed to it.

 

 

  
"He agreed to it so he can keep his people safe from getting blown to fucking hell!"

 

 

  
Simon showed visible frustration and was practically rolling his eyes. "I'm all for some violence and I've got no problem getting my hands dirty. What I don't understand is how you thought the man wouldn't devise a new plan against you."

 

 

  
"I'm sorry, Simon. I forgot you were the leader and the be all end all around these parts. I clearly forgot that you're the one with the big fucking dick. Oh, wait, that's me!" Negan set Lucille down beside his chair, he bared his teeth and didn't hold back an ounce of how pissed he was. "So unless you've got a bigger dick than me which lets face it, you fucking don't, shut the fuck up and remember your place."

 

 

  
Not a single part of Negan had the time for that brand of bullshit, especially not from Simon. Instead ripping into him any further he directed his attention to Dwight. Just as Negan expected he didn't see one bit of fear from the man. And that was what he really fucking admired. Dwight clearly had a good set on him from as far as he could tell.

 

 

"Dwight boy! You got anything to say right now? Any news for me?" Negan scooted backwards in his chair so he could set his boots on the table.

 

 

Dwight remained as stoic as ever, "Nothing that I can think of. If I do hear anything about the mole then I'll let you know."

 

 

"I know you will and that's what makes you one of my best. Some people could learn a thing or fucking two from you." Negan shot a look at Simon who huffed out loud. While he seemed to be blowing smoke up Dwight's ass, he still was wary.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Once he stopped feeling like he was going to die right there on the floor, Rick got up and wandered off. With absolute no direction once again he ended up outside. There were a few Saviors passing by though they minded their own business. Rick almost felt invisible like no one was paying attention. He slumped down against the building to stare up at the sky that was shining too bright on his face.

 

 

In Rick's opinion sunny days were extremely overrated. Even though that was what he'd known for most of his life, he wanted a change. Rick pictured what it would have been like to make it somewhere else. What if his group had never arrived at Alexandria? Would they have found another community? Or would they be living at the Sanctuary instead?

 

 

At one point Rick wished he could go back and never make it to Alexandria. His family wouldn't have found a home but Glenn and Abe would be alive. Sasha would definitely still be alive.

 

 

Rick hated acknowledging the part he played in their death but it was necessary. No one had really moved on from what happened, they just adapted to the events. He thought of Maggie and how she had a baby on the way still. That baby would grow up without ever knowing Glenn. And part of that was Rick's fault for being so cocky when they attacked the outpost. Rick never imagined they'd lose. He sure as hell didn't anticipate Negan being as powerful as he was and is.

 

 

A cool breeze swept in out of nowhere and made Rick shiver in a pleasant way. The breeze didn't last long though so Rick was relieved he felt it at all.

 

 

The occasional Saviors passed him by and still didn't ask why he was out there. Rick figured it was because Negan may have told them not to speak to him. Which Rick didn't feel angry about in the slightest. He preferred not speaking to any of the Saviors unless it was important. They were in fact after all not people he trusted or cared about. All the people he cared about were back in Alexandria.

 

 

  
Rick nervously picked at his hang nail when he thought about Simon's words to him. It didn't seem unlikely that Simon expressed his mistrust of him to Negan. And it had Rick thinking about actually using his relationship with Negan to gain information. His feelings for Negan weren't yet fully established so it wasn't too emotionally conflicting. Maybe discussing a new possible plan with Dwight would be more effective.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You want to do what?" Dwight stared at Rick confusingly with his mouth partially open.

 

 

"Use whatever the hell is between me and Negan to gain inside information. He trusts me more than you might think." Rick tried to assure the blonde who still seemed confused.

 

 

Dwight looked around to make sure no one was listening. "If he finds out about this or about what I've been doing..he'll kill us both. That's what he does 'cause he's a monster."

 

 

"I've never once forgotten what he's done or who he is but he's got feelings for me. I'd be stupid not to use that just in case my..Alexandria decides war is the better option..again." Rick raised his eyebrows and stepped closer to Dwight to keep their conversation quiet.

 

 

"Your people ain't the only ones hell bent on taking Negan down. He's got no clue who hates him around here and would like to see him dead or not in charge."

 

 

Rick was still having a hard time considering them his people still. Where he was and where they were currently was nowhere near the same. And that didn't just mean location wise either.

 

 

Dwight continued speaking with a firmness in his voice. "Don't be reckless with whatever you've got planned. Negan's got back up plans for most situations. Even if you were to pull the rug out from under him..I don't know. Would you be able to kill him?"

 

 

The question startled Rick in a way that he never imagined it would. Rick had once been adamant about killing Negan, now he wasn't so sure. Locking him up would be the better option if it came down to it. But Alexandria wanted justice and Maggie especially wanted justice.

 

 

"Yeah." Rick lied with a straight face. "I could."

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
Normally Rick timed the amount of time he was out and about in the Sanctuary. Mostly so he didn't lose track of time plus so he could get back before Negan. He opened the door to their room and the older man was seated at the leather couch again. Rick breathed in and out to shake his nerves. Even though Negan didn't hear what he discussed with Dwight, it still made him paranoid.

 

 

The energy felt awkward like Rick had been caught in a lie essentially. Rick waited for Negan to look at him and when he did it was brief and not welcoming or warm.

 

 

Without thinking ahead Rick made his way over to the other couch then plopped down. He got his boots off near the table and stretched his toes. Since neither of them was engaging in conversation, Rick just sat there in silence. From what he could tell Negan wasn't busy with any papers. In fact he was nursing whatever was in his glass with a sour expression on his face.

 

 

Rick found himself absorbing the agitation that Negan was clearly feeling. "What the hell is wrong with you today?"

 

 

"Mind your goddamn business." Negan slurred aggressively before downing his glass. "Actually fuck that, do you know something?"

 

 

"Do I know what?" Rick furrowed his brows because he genuinely didn't know what Negan meant. Then it clicked and suddenly he was more nervous than before.

 

 

 

"You see I'm smart as fuck and I can smell when there's betrayal in the fucking air. I know someone around me has pulled the wool over my eyes. And so I wanna know if you know anything."

 

 

"No. I don't know what you think I could know about this considering I don't speak to anyone."

 

 

  
"Hmm." Negan hummed. "It's just I find it really fucking weird that I'd be feeling this for no damn reason. So it leads me to believe that I'm right."

 

 

"Again, I have no idea -" Rick tried to at least make Negan believe he was oblivious then a glass shattered.

 

 

"Don't play fucking stupid with me right now, I am far from in the goddamn mood! Someone had to have been feeding Alexandria information before the war started. Tell me who it fucking is." Negan was breathing hard and had sweat dripping down his forehead.

 

 

"No one was feedin' us information..if they were don't you think we'd have taken you down already?" Rick grimaced at his choice of words which only made Negan cackle.

 

 

 

Negan pointed his finger directly in Rick's face, "That's where your allegiances lie. No point asking you direct questions because you're fucking stupid enough to let shit slip. Am I slipping into some unrequited love bullshit? Where I hold out hope that you'll feel the same when you won't. Have I given you too much leniency?"

 

 

  
The way Negan's voice was dropping dangerously low did scare Rick. His face didn't show it but in his chest the fear was bubbling. Rick scrambled to his feet so he could get closer to the door. Clearly Negan knew what he was doing so he got up himself.

 

 

If Negan had any intentions of attempting to kill him then Rick wanted to be ready. After all, monsters can't stay tamed or be calm forever.

 

 

"What are you doin'?" Rick asked with all seriousness. "I swear if you even try to - "

 

 

  
"Try to what? Kill you? Funny how your mind always bounces back to that like you want me to try. Is that your secret kink?" Negan eyed him up darkly.

 

 

Rick didn't realize how far he'd backed up and his back was soon touching a wall. There was literally nowhere he could run or hide for that matter. The monster had him cornered and was ready to pounce.

 

 

Negan planted both hands on either side of Rick's head. "I shouldn't have to say this again, it's pretty damn obvious but I don't give a fuck. The way I feel for you has clouded my fucking judgement and you'll end up taking advantage of that. In some fucked up way I'll end up letting you. Then in the end I'll be surprised when you do stab me in the front. So I'm gonna dial it back on the sweetness."

 

 

A certain type of feeling was beginning to swell inside of Rick. Disappointment? Anger? Confusion? He didn't know what the hell it was but it was vicious. In order to escape that feeling he got his hands on Negan's leather jacket and tightened his grip. Rick could see how conflicted Negan was. The man was trying not to drown in him but Rick had other plans for Negan right then.

 

 


	14. Conflicted

"Dial back?" Rick scoffed right in Negan's face, he didn't care to hold back anymore. "You're sweet when you wanna be so dialing back won't make much of a difference."

 

  
Negan's eyes darkened with absolute fury, "Go ahead and take your cheap fucking shots but lemme remind you that you started out as my bitch. And I sure as hell can make you into that again if I want to."

 

  
"Oh so we're back to threats again? That didn't take long for you to go right back to being a sadistic asshole." Rick kept looking at the man who claimed to have feelings, and he saw nothing. How damn stupid could he be to believe that Negan could actually love him?

 

 

"That's fucking hilarious and it definitely take long for you to go back to being a whiny bitch."

 

  
Rick lifted his fist so he could take a swing but Negan stopped him from connecting. Thus causing the moment to be very anti climatic. The older man had a strong grip on his wrist and he was beginning squeeze clearly to cause discomfort. Rick tried to break free but Negan wasn't letting go. It felt like a weird metaphor for their relationship.

 

 

Fighting it wasn't working so he let Negan hold him there until he relented. Rick ripped his wrist away and moved languidly towards the door. Something was compelling him not to run out and end it once and for all. Maybe that was his lust taking control of his common sense.

 

 

Whatever it happened to be Rick was having an unbelievably hard time fighting it. All that lust blended in with the anger he felt towards Negan. Rick stared at Negan's mouth room where he was standing, his lips were moist.

 

 

Rick shook himself out of the lust filled daze he was in and walked right past the older man. He got his shirt and boxers off like he always did. Then as soon as he sat on the bed he curled up on his side of it. Rick stayed hopeful that Negan wouldn't try to touch him. Especially since having Negan touch him even the slightest would probably cause him to explode.

 

 

Negan breathed in through his nose and exhaled with his mouth obnoxiously. "What the hell do you want here?"

 

 

"I want sleep at this point. Can you give me that? Can you give me a decent sleep at least?" Rick asked aggressively with his back still turned.

 

 

The lack of response he got from Negan was a sign that he wasn't going to pester. Rick let his eyes fall shut and tried to relax his tired bones.

* * *

 

 

Negan was at a loss for fucking words, for once. His usual modus operandi was utterly lost. Pestering Rick wouldn't make the situation any less tension filled. That was basically all they were at that point - tension filled lust. He made an attempt to see if Rick would let him cuddle with him. Instead he received a rough shrug off. With a groan he turned onto his side and tugged the blankets more towards his side to piss Rick off.

 

 

Clearly that was enough to get Rick to touch him but it wasn't pleasant. The younger man reached over and pinched his nipple so hard that he thought he was bleeding. Negan hissed then swung his elbow into a random spot on Rick. They were engaging in such petty fucking behavior, it was damn near childish. Negan ended up on top of Rick, pinning him down with all his weight. The look he was getting from Rick was unbridled agitation. It reminded him of the beginning of when he started taking from Alexandria, that famous Grimes glare.

 

 

Their wrestling stopped and Negan began grinding himself down onto Rick's crotch. Since Rick was only wearing boxers it was more than obvious he was hard. Negan moaned above Rick then looked down to see Rick not even looking at him. He wasn't expressing any pleasure, not even fleeting pleasurable facial expressions. Negan paused for a second and waited for Rick to say something.

 

 

_Nothing._

 

  
Not a damn thing came out of Rick's mouth so he flopped back to his side. Whatever Rick was feeling for him was starting to dissipate. And Negan didn't know what he should feel about that. He felt more for Rick than Rick did for him and that was a goddamn fact. They didn't look at each other the same, touch each other the same or anything.

 

 

Negan almost wished he could take it all back and continued with the war. At least then they would have killed each other so there wouldn't be all the confusion. His feelings were confusing, the signals Rick sent him were confusing, every single fucking thing confused Negan.

 

 

Since he wasn't getting any sleep he got out of the bed and went to sit down on the couch. Negan put his feet on the table then stared at Lucille in the corner. She was becoming less of a priority ever since he married Rick. Sometimes Negan even forgot she exited. And then he reminded himself that the bat wasn't his dead wife. The real Lucille was long past dead and she was never coming back. If she did magically rose from the dead she would be ashamed of who Negan was now. The man she married was dead, her death and the world killed him. Now he just did what he needed to do was a leader. Whether Rick or anyone else agreed with his methods or whatever the fuck.

* * *

 

 

  
"I don't know if what I feel for you is a result of actually feelin' it or if it's some twisted Stockholm Syndrome." Rick faced away from Negan and stared out the window. "I'm scared that I've let you manipulate me into feelin' for you."

 

 

Negan's face contorted into a facial expression that was hard to read. "That can't be the fucking case. It just can't."

 

 

"Why not? It can't be outta the realm of possibilities. You have subjugated me, practically r - ." He had no intentions of finishing the sentence but Negan clearly caught onto what he meant.

 

 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Negan scoffed with disgust. "I never fucking raped you, Rick. "

 

 

"The consent was really loose in those situations, you gotta admit to that."

 

 

"Fuck you, Rick. Just... fuck you."

 

 

Rick dared to look over his shoulder at Negan. "Look at me and say the consent wasn't loose or barely present. You may not have held me down and fucked me but you pressured me. You made me feel sick with myself for even lettin' it happen. Our first time wasn't romantic, Negan. It was you rippin' me apart emotionally and you got off on it."

 

 

"I've apologized - I've apologized so goddamn much and you still can't forgive me for any of it?" Negan's voice sounded desperate, pleading in a way. "Tell me there's not one part of you that wants me just as much."

 

 

"I heard you." Rick blurted out remorsefully. "I was awake when you asked me if I could ever fall for you..you thought I was asleep but I wasn't."

 

 

Negan shifted from where he was sitting on the bed. "What's your answer?"

 

 

"I don't know, that was my answer then and that's still my answer. It's like you forget who you will always be to my people and to me. No matter what you do to try to make it better, you'll always be the man who smashed in Abraham and Glenn's head in. Right in front of all of us, people who loved them and needed them here."

 

 

"You caused that mess for yourself, if you had stayed out of other people's fucking business I wouldn't have done that. I'm fucking done with apologizing for that too." Negan stated with anger in his tone. "Take it or fucking leave it."

 

 

Rick rubbed his palms over his face and sucked in a breath. "That excuse is old, Negan. It's so goddamn old that I'm sick of hearing it! When will you own up for what you've done? Will it be when you're on your fuckin' death bed?"

 

 

  
"I've fucking apologized you asshole!"

 

 

 

"Not enough! It will never be enough!"

 

 

They were very clearly at an impasse. Rick wasted no time and got up to leave the room without telling Negan where he was going. At least that's what he intended until Negan asked him aggressively where the hell he was going. Rick responded back simply by saying "home."

* * *

 

 

 Rick's patience for waiting on Negan to change was growing paper thin. So he was doing exactly what he needed to which was go back to Alexandria for the day. Far as he could tell without looking at a clock prior to leaving, it was early in the morning.

 

  
Someone would have to be up by the time he got there.

 

  
After ten minutes of driving down the road that would lead him home, he had to pull over. Rick parked the car briefly then jerked the car door open so he could puke. The taste of bile lingered in his mouth so he got his water bottle out of his bag. He downed the majority of it to get the taste out.

 

 

  
A twisted piece of Rick was wanting to drive right back to the Sanctuary to apologize. And then he considered what the fuck he really had to apologize for. If Negan couldn't handle being told what he's doing wrong then fuck him. At least that's what Rick was thinking in the moment. Later on when he had to drive back to the Sanctuary would be a different story.

 

  
Rick slammed the car door shut and made sure there was no imminent danger around. Last thing he wanted to deal with was a horde headed his way or some asshole. Since no one else was around for miles it seemed he turned the key in the ignition. The only decent part of his day would be seeing everyone. Especially Judith since he missed holding her and knowing she didn't see him as a failure. She was the one person he count on that looked at him with childlike adoration.

 

 

In a way it wasn't exactly fair to put all of that on Judith. Who happened to be the most innocent out of everyone he loved. Rick wondered if that would change when she got older. He'd already come to grips with the fact that she wasn't biologically his, that she wouldn't be like him naturally. Already she had a soft nature but that was because she was so young. Lori had been soft at times but the world changed her. The world changed Shane too since he wasn't the same man at the end of his life. Rick never really thought about it like that but he killed Judith's 'real' dad. And someday he'd have to explain that to her, good thing someday wasn't anytime soon.

 

 

Rick kept driving and driving until he lost track of time and finally ended up at Alexandria. Parking outside of the gate still felt strange because he was coming back from the Sanctuary. Not a run. When Rick got out of the car and closed the door he heard a noise from high up. His eyes glanced upwards and saw Carl standing up there for some reason. From what he could tell his son was on watch.

 

 

"Hey! Carl!" Rick called from down below a couple of times. "You gonna let me in?"

 

  
Carl blinked a few times but didn't smile or offer any warmness to Rick's return. "Oh, hey dad. Yeah I'll be down in a second."

 

  
Not the warm welcome that Rick hoped for initially but what could he really expect? Carl wasn't fond of Negan or the arrangement in general. He got lucky that his presence wasn't completely rejected. Even then he wouldn't really blame Carl since he didn't belong in Alexandria anymore.

 

 

Rick longed for the day that would be the case again.

 

  
The gate began to open up slowly and Carl looked around him to likely make sure Negan wasn't there. Rick grimaced inwardly at how little everyone trusted him now. Almost like Negan was his shadow and followed him everywhere. Or that he'd be reporting back to him.

 

 

"It's only me, Carl." Rick mentioned to calm his son down. "I needed a break from the Sanctuary so -"

 

 

Carl narrowed his eye and crossed his arms. "So you came here to escape Negan and not to see any of us? That's great dad, now you can go."

 

 

"I'm still your father Carl." Rick sighed tiredly at Carl who didn't seem bothered by it. "Can you at least pretend that you're happy I'm here? At least for Judith's sake?"

 

 

Essentially it sounded like Rick was using Judith as a means to get what he wanted. And that left a sour taste in both of their mouths. Carl explained to him that Michonne was getting ready to go on a run. Then he returned to his post without another word. While Rick was very proud of how much Carl had stepped up since he'd left, he seemed colder. That was mostly his fault despite his selfless reasons to marry Negan.

 

 

Rick ended up running to what was his house before, he didn't really see anyone around. It was almost like a ghost town. He finally got to the house and ran up the stairs. It was unlocked so he opened the door hoping to see Michonne.

 

 

The house as always looked the same as when he left it. Nothing was changed around or even altered in some way. Rick smiled at the thought that some things didn't change. He waited by the door until Michonne came around the corner with her bag and katana at her hip.

 

  
They exchanged looks but she wasn't moving closer to hug him or even touch him. Rick tried to not show how thrown he was by that.

 

  
"Hey. Carl told me that you'd be goin' on a run?" Rick asked her nervously. "Are you goin' alone or with someone?"

 

  
Michonne's facial expression remained neutral. "I'm going alone. Don't look at me like that."

 

 

"Like what?" Rick inched closer and noticed Michonne moved backwards as he did.

 

 

"Why are you here, Rick? If you're wanting to see Judith she's with Rosita and Tara."

 

 

"I'm here for a few reasons but I'm happy to see you. I needed to come home for a bit at least."

 

 

"Home?" Michonne leaned her head towards the side in confusion. "I thought your home was at the Sanctuary...with Negan?"

 

 

Rick didn't have anything to say to that since it was essentially true. No one forced him to marry Negan or make any some sort of deal with him. He as easily could have refused but that would have lead to their deaths. Rick refused to accept that reality so he flung himself onto the sword. Although from where he was standing his decision just delayed the inevitable.

 

 

What he also knew was that Michonne was so torn with standing by him. She didn't have to tell him that either, it was written all over her face.

 

 

 

"I know I have a lot to answer for but what I'm doin' is what's best for the community. If you knew what would happen if I said the deal was off you'd - just trust me please." Rick pleaded with her.

 

 

 

Michonne let out a lengthy breath, "I'm sorry I just don't know if I can. I've stood by you through so much but ever since Abraham and Glenn I've been scared."

 

 

 

"Michonne -"

 

 

 

"Let me finish. I've been scared that we've been doing everything all wrong. When we first got here you weren't prepared for how safe it felt in here. None of us were. But we would have lost ourselves out on the road if we kept going. Then all of the chaos happened and now we've lost even more people."  
  


 

 

Rick kept his hands at his sides, "I know that we've got a long way to go to feel safe again. Just please believe me I'm only there to keep you and everyone else safe."

 

 

"Are you sure? Are you sure that's the only reason you're still there? Has he tried to hurt you?" Michonne twitched for a second but kept her face calm.

 

 

"You don't need to worry. He's actually got himself convinced that he - " Rick stopped himself mid sentence because Michonne stared at him in disbelief.

 

 

"I need to get going if I want to make it back in time."

 

 

"If you're goin' alone it might not be a terrible idea to let me tag along. Just let me sit down with Judith for a few minutes at least then we can go together?"

 

 

Michonne looked like she was ready to protest but eased up on it. "Don't you have to get back to the Sanctuary?"

 

 

Rick's eyes traveled to the floor out of shame. "I do but I didn't tell Negan how long I'd be so he'll just have to wait. Besides I think this is the least I could do with my time."

 

 

When Michonne walked past him Rick could smell her again. Her scent reminded him how much he wanted to come back, how someday he would be able to.

 

* * *

 

 

"Boss? What's got your panties in a bunch? Is it Rick again?"

 

 

Negan huffed angrily at Simon who didn't seem to back down. "What the fuck is it to you? I'm fucking fine so leave it alone."

 

 

"You know ever since he got here you've been even more pissed than usual. Are you sure he's good for you 'cause I for one don't think he is." Simon pointed out in his calm tone of voice. "Take for example, whenever you two get into a fight I notice that you're always the one who gets the most affected."

 

 

"I'd watch what you fucking say next Simon." Negan warned his right hand man who was skating close to the edge with him.

 

 

Simon held his hands up in a surrender, "Alrighty. I'm just worried about ya is all. Anyways, what's our next move? Do you have a plan for what we'll do about Alexandria?"

 

 

 

"We discussed this already, I've got them in a tight fucking grip so we don't need to do jack shit about them. Unless they wanna storm over here and get their asses handed to them."

 

  
The hallway felt like it was becoming more narrow with every step that Negan took. He didn't know what the fuck was up with him today. Something about the day felt unreal like he was losing control again. Once again he was stuck listening to Simon rant about some shit he didn't care about. The workers were complaining again so he needed to address that bullshit. And Rick was off gallivanting in Alexandria.

 

 

 _That ungrateful fucking bitch_ Negan thought briefly before addressing Simon's on going comments.

 

 

"Do I need to remind you who the fucking boss is around here? Last I checked when you tried to run this place you almost burnt it to the goddamn ground. I'm the one who made the metaphorical flames grow higher."

 

 

  
"I understand."

 

 

"Good." Negan offered an extremely fake smile. "Now lets go address these so called issues the workers are having..yet again."

 

 

The workers were all gathered up in the hallway and everyone was yelling about something. Negan had no patience to make out what they were saying either. When he strolled around the corner all of the workers stopped speaking. Everyone knelt if they were able to and he gave them a faux applause.

 

 

"I've heard that y'all have some complaints so I'm here to listen. Normally I don't have the time for this but I've made time today so please make this worth my while." Negan waited until someone finally had the nuts to speak up. "Go on."

 

 

"Uh, thank you sir." The worker stood up from where he was kneeling. "We're tired of the way things are and quite frankly sir, we're tired of this place."

 

 

Negan had to give the guy some props for having the fucking courage to say that. "Tired? Tired of having a roof over your goddamn head, food and protection? Last I fucking checked it's a shit show outside of this place."

 

 

"We appreciate what you and the Saviors do for us but we're people too. The conditions we have to work in are abhorrent and we're just scraping by with points. I think a change is needed sir and you're the one who makes the changes."

 

 

Soon the whole crew of workers was nodding their heads in agreement, some were even verbally agreeing. Negan tried not to rampage through the crowd and grab that motherfucker. On any other day he would make an example out of the person. He was just too distracted with his own bullshit to do so.

 

 

Another person stood up before Negan could say anything. "He's right, we all want more than just protection..we want a better life here."

 

 

Simon piped up from beside Negan, "Alright, the show's over now get back to work and this might be discussed in our meeting."

 

 

"I don't think you get it." A grey haired woman stood in the crowd. "What we're sayin' is that we won't get back to work unless changes are made."

 

 

"Lady I don't think you know who you're talking to." Simon had his hand right on his gun holster.

 

 

Negan rolled his eyes because everyone was getting on his goddamn nerves. "Can everyone shut the fuck up! You don't get to decide when changes are made or if they fucking will be. Get back to fucking work or you won't like what happens if you don't."

 

 

No one seemed to like that response but if they knew what was good for them they'd accept it. Negan waved everyone off with Lucille on his shoulder. When both he and Simon walked away he pushed Simon against the nearest wall.

 

 

What the fuck was he even thinking letting these people get that riled up. He was supposed to be taking care of these issues while he handled the larger picture.

 

 

Negan was practically seething at Simon who seemed shell shocked. "You need to do your goddamn job. I don't need to remind you what your job is..do I?"

 

 

"No. You don't." Simon gulped momentarily then returned to being calm. "I'm sorry I'll try to make sure it won't happen again."

 

 

"Wonderful. I'm actually taking their shit into consideration, may even trade in some people. Who knows they might work harder than some of my Saviors. Anyways I got shit to tend to and wives to possibly fuck. Radio me if it's something important."

 

 

A storm was still brewing inside Negan and it wasn't calming down. The one person he could really blame for that was Rick and his fucking asshole behavior. Why did he allow Rick to have so much power over him? Feelings or no feelings he wasn't going to be pushed around.

 

 

Negan made his way to the wives room to see what was happening there. Maybe some pussy would help distract him from the lingering problem that was Rick. Only he walked right into another hostile situation. This time the women were all sitting around each other and stopped talking when he entered. The first person he noticed who was going to address him was Frankie.

 

 

And how she was staring at him said more than words could probably say.

 

 

  
"What's up Frankie?" Negan smirked but didn't receive the same response back. "Are you pissed at me for somethin' ? "

 

 

Frankie shook her head at him, "We're all done, Negan."

 

 

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

 

 

"It means that we're done being your wives. We appreciate what you've done for us and how we've been able to live but we want to move on. And let's face it nothing's been the same without Sherry or Amber."

 

 

Negan felt taken aback by the fact that all his wives were done with him. In a way he felt discarded like he was used up and that was fucking that. "Everyone wants to leave?"

 

  
He glanced past Frankie and each of his wives were meeting him with stern looks. Not one of them seemed uncertain about it and that told him this wasn't a new discussion. First Rick was contemplating their relationship and now his wives wanted to fucking divorce him.

 

 

"Well fuck, that just fucking sucks." Negan laughed dryly while the wives just stared at him in confusion and fear. "I guess the only thing left to do is rip up those marriage certificates."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Driving with Negan was usually awkward because often times they'd get into fights. Rick just never expected that driving with Michonne would ever be awkward.

 

  
Since she was the one driving she controlled the music and there was none playing so whatsoever. Every time he would glance towards the glove compartment Michonne would catch him.

 

  
Rick tried to spark up conversations about what Alexandria had been up to lately but Michonne kept it short. No matter what he did she seemed put off by his presence despite allowing him to come along.

 

"I'm sorry for whatever you're mad about. I just would like to know what I can do to fix it." Rick ran his fingers through his hair and noticed that he needed a haircut.

 

 

Michonne kept her eyes on the road, "There's nothing you can do. Unless you plan to leave Negan and come back home."

 

 

"You know I can't do that, Michonne. I have to keep doin' this for the sake of everybody. How many times do I need to remind you or Carl or Rosita that? I'm doin' my best and to be in my position is harder than anyone realizes."

 

 

"So what you're saying is that you get to make stupid decisions because you're the leader?"

 

 

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose out of pure frustration. "No one else would do this or even think of it. They'd put their own discomfort before what's best for everyone."

 

 

"Oh now you're calling us all selfish?" Michonne started speeding down the road and completely missed where they were supposed to turn. "No one asked you to do this Rick! Ever thought maybe we need you back home?"

 

 

"You just missed where you were supposed to turn off."

 

 

"I don't care. What's your long term plan? You just gonna stay at the Sanctuary until Alexandria is run dry and has no supplies left? How is that a way for us to live? How is that beating them?"

 

 

Rick dug his fingernails directly into his palms, "That's what got us in this situation in the first place! We need a better plan than just training people and gettin' them ready for a war they don't really want."

 

 

"We have to fight, otherwise what's the point?" Michonne slammed on the brakes and unbuckled her seat belt. She got out in the middle of the road and stood there.

 

 

Rick swiftly unbuckled his own seat belt then got out of the car too. They needed to have this conversation now or they never would. And Rick was scared of what would be said next because this wasn't just about the war. She wanted him to come home because she needed that.

 

 

"I think it's time we talk 'bout whatever we've been holdin' back since I left." Rick walked around to where Michonne was standing and faced her. This time she didn't move away from him but still kept her hands to the side.

 

 

"We're over, aren't we?" Michonne sniffed and looked down as the tears started to come. "I can't escape to just come home for me. We have a community and the kids to keep safe, I guess the selfish part of me wants you to just -"

 

 

"I know. I know what you're tryin' to say but it doesn't mean we're over. It can't mean that."

 

 

"Rick, you know it does. I don't know if I can look at you without wondering if you look at him the same way. You may not realize it but your heart, it's conflicted."

 

 

Everything that Michonne was saying wasn't a lie or assumption. Rick didn't want to be the one to admit it but as much as he hated it, he was conflicted. His heart wasn't in one place and his mind set was in several places. He needed to make a decision about what to do. About whether or not he stood with the Sanctuary or if he stood with Alexandria.

 

 

Rick had no intentions of lying to her and saying she was wrong so he just nodded. When Michonne caught onto what that meant she got back inside the car. They didn't exchange anymore words for the rest of the drive and got back to what they came out there for.

* * *

 

 

The drive home to the Sanctuary was grueling and all he could think about was it was over. His future with Michonne was very much over now. Even if he went back home and ended it with Negan, she wouldn't take him back. She made it clear where she stood on the subject. Rick parked the car outside of the building and walked up to the gate. It got opened for him without hesitancy. He grounded out a thanks to the men who opened it then made his way inside.

 

 

Rick stomped throughout the hallways, didn't even say hi to anyone or anything. All he wanted to do was lay down in bed and not think about anything. Which was likely not going to happen because Negan would question him.

 

 

Once he entered the room he noticed Negan was standing there with Lucille in hand. He was swinging her around like a lunatic, swatting at the air and grunting. Rick had no idea what the hell he was doing or why he was so mad. In that moment he recalled Carl telling him that Negan swung at the air before.

 

 

Rick yawned before asking Negan what was going, "You gonna tell me why you're swinging that all over the place?"

 

 

"My wives left me today, each and every fucking one of them. At least the ones that didn't already leave before this. I couldn't stop them 'cause I said in the beginning that they could leave whenever. But what the actual fuck do they think will happen now? That I will go easy on them?" Negan set Lucille down by the bed momentarily. "Anyways, where the fuck did you fuck off too?"

 

 

"They weren't exactly happy, Negan. You couldn't have possibly thought they were there for you. That's why they left." Rick sighed.

 

 

"I fucking get that but none of them stayed, not even Frankie who I thought was fine with the arrangement. I guess I was fucking wrong. Also you didn't answer my question, where the fuck did you go?"

 

 

"Went to Alexandria, like I told you before I left and went on a run with Michonne."

 

 

"Oh, her." Negan sounded absolutely jealous and Rick didn't even find it amusing.

 

 

Rick raised his eyebrows, "All we did was go on a run..why are you lookin' at me like I did somethin' wrong?"

 

 

"Did you fuck her? I mean that would be breakin' the rules now wouldn't it. Unless you're ready to leave me too then it wouldn't really matter."

 

 

"No. I didn't fuck her and why are you so mad anyways?"

 

 

"That's such a stupid question that I won't answer."

 

 

Rick rolled his eyes then went to leave the room because he wasn't getting into an argument. And he sure wasn't in the mood for one either. "I'll be in the wives room sleepin' on the couch if you really need me."

 

 

"What the fuck ever, Rick." Negan went to go sit in the spot on the leather couch as he always did. "Do whatever you fucking want."

 

  
As Rick was leaving the room he realized that he would do exactly that. He closed the door behind him and walked in the direction of the wives room but didn't go inside. It didn't take long for Rick to eventually find who he was looking for. Dwight.

 

 

Dwight puffed away at his cigarette near the stairwell and looked up to acknowledge him. "What? Does Negan need me for something?"

 

 

"No, I came here on my own. I'm ready." Rick said confidently, he didn't dare look away or make it seem like he was nervous. This was him being more serious than he had been about the plan before.

 

 

"Ready for what?" Dwight took one long drag and blew out the smoke through his nose. "I need specifics here."

 

 

Rick took in a deep breath and let the words come out. "I'm ready to take Negan down, for good."

 

 


	15. Shark in the Water

From the way Dwight was staring into him Rick knew the man thought he was joking.

 

  
Why else would he be completely speechless about him expressing his decision? Rick remained completely straight faced to show he actually meant it. His marriage to Negan was beginning to disintegrate and it wouldn't hold forever. And if his marriage/arrangement was the only thing keeping Alexandria safe - then he had to do this. Rick was still undecided about his actual feelings for the man so it wouldn't be too taxing. At least at the moment it didn't seem like it would be. How strenuous would it actually be to trick Negan?

 

 

Rick explained to Dwight that he had a coming to his senses moment. That Dwight was right all along about Negan not being able to change. Though Rick genuinely believed during small moments that he could be better. Nevertheless he had to betray Negan in order to redeem himself in Alexandria. In order to make it all right again and guarantee safety and security for his loved ones.

 

 

Since talking in the open was dangerous for both of them, Dwight sped up their conversation. He asked Rick how he planned to get Negan to Alexandria to imprison him. Rick didn't have that part figured out just yet but assured that he would.

 

 

Dwight nodded along to everything Rick said, he was really a man of few words. "I don't want you changing your mind."

 

 

"I won't." Rick quickly mentioned. "I promise I won't. This is what needs to happen and I will make it happen."

 

 

"Do you really have the stones for it? I've seen the way you look at Negan, you fell for his act." Dwight continued to puff away at his second cigarette. "If you change your mind I'm taking him down one way or another. I'll risk dying if that's what it takes."

 

 

Rick knew why Dwight wanted Negan dead but why risk your life for someone who left you? From what he knew about Sherry, she ran away like a thief in the night. All the former wives would discuss her quite a bit and nothing terrible was ever said. Plus Rick was told by Dwight that Sherry indefinitely helped Daryl escape. So for that Rick would be secretly grateful about.

 

 

"Don't talk to me like I've never had to do anythin' hard in this world. I've been through enough to know how to handle myself. Feelings or don't, I will take him down. He needs to pay for what he's done..to all of us." Rick stated sternly without even a twitch. He refused to let anyone believe he was weak like that anymore. Everyone doubted his ability to still be the man he always would be. Now they wouldn't be able to.

 

 

"Okay, I believe you." Dwight snubbed his cigarette out and put it right back into its ratty case. "That all?"

 

 

"No. I need to ask you one thing."

 

 

"What's that?"

 

 

Rick made sure no one was coming around the corner. "I need you to tell me where the weapons are held."

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
Instead of getting much sleep, Rick tried to figure out how he would get into the weapons room.

 

 

Apparently people were constantly guarding the area, that you needed clearance to enter. Dwight made it clear to Rick that he couldn't go in without being a Savior. So despite being Negan's husband he didn't have that type of clearance. Not unless Negan ordered as such. Rick needed his gun back and it was being kept in there.

 

 

The only ways Rick could get into the room would be if he had a set of keys or walked in with someone else. Rick thought of bashing one of the Saviors over the head. But that would likely mean they'd see him doing so and that would mean killing them. It wasn't that he was against killing any of the Saviors, but Negan would notice if his guards disappeared. Not that Negan ever cared to remember half their names. It was just that people were a resource to him and how would Rick hide the bodies?

 

 

Rick paced around the wives room to figure out what to do. Then it dawned on him that he didn't need to resort to violence. He could use himself as a way to get inside. Rick would seduce Negan into getting them to go on a run together.

 

 

When he left the room to go find Negan, he bumped into the older man. Rick thought of it as a sign that his plan was coming together.

 

 

  
Negan looked extremely defeated and exhausted like he didn't sleep. "Were you coming to look for him? You look a little spooked."

 

 

"Just coming to talk to you is all. We do need to talk." Rick managed to explain without sounding nervous. "You wanna do that here or somewhere else?"

 

 

"Wherever the fuck is fine with me." Negan sulked and slid past Rick, practically dragging his boots on the ground like he had broken legs. He planted himself down on the couch then let out a deep sigh.

 

 

"Do you think we're breakin' up? Is that why you're actin' like this?"

 

 

"What else could you possibly say to me right now? Huh? That we're perfectly fine and you love me or some fucking bullshit. I'm not stupid, Rick. I'm actually pretty fucking smart believe it or not."

 

 

Unfortunately Rick did believe it but when it came to him, Negan was pretty damn stupid.

 

 

Rick gave Negan one of his most charming smiles. "I want you to feel better, I want us to be better. Don't you want that or do you just wanna give up?"

 

 

"You were mad at me now you're fine? What the hell is - " Negan was cut off by Rick straddling him on the couch.

 

 

"Stop talkin' and let me make us feel better." Rick flicked his tongue against the older man's neck. He could hear how heavy Negan was breathing, how his pulse was pounding. When two hands gripped tight to his sides Rick shut his eyes. For a split second he forgot why he was touching Negan. This wasn't solely for pleasure by any means, this was to manipulate him. Instead he was letting himself get swept away by the tide.

 

 

"Goddamn you're so sexy." Negan moaned then gently lifted his hips so Rick could feel his growing bulge. "That's what you do to me."

 

 

Rick didn't let himself respond back and instead just moaned, genuinely. Wasting time with foreplay wasn't necessary because Negan always had lube. Rick was used to the stretch, he was prepared completely to get fucked. His shaky hands undid Negan's belt while kissing him. Then he got his own pants and boxers off. Rick only needed to take Negan out and get on top. So that's exactly what he did next. He held Negan's length in his hands and stroked just a little then positioned himself. With one smooth motion, he let Negan sink into him.

 

 

They both moaned for the other then Negan started to thrust but it was slower this time. Rick half expected Negan to just fuck into him with abandon. Normally that was how they had sex though this time was nowhere near the same. Rick let Negan rock up into him slowly. He tried riding hard but Negan stopped him.

 

 

When Negan pushed his face into Rick's shirt he felt puzzled. Why was he being so affectionate and soft about it? This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Rick felt his emotions being flung all over the place, he felt..guilty. Someone so terrible couldn't be this soft could they?

 

 

Rick's attempts to make Negan be rougher with him were snuffed out. Eventually Negan switched positions so he would have more control.He laid back on the couch while Negan hovered over him. The way he was whispering sweet things against Rick's neck startled him. It was like he was repeating a mantra of you feel so good baby.

 

 

The worst part was when Negan let the words slip.

 

 

"I fucking love you, Rick." Negan whispered against Rick's neck as he rocked into him. "I don't care what I have to do to prove that to you."

 

 

Rick choked on his words and didn't realize he was crying until it was too late. Thankfully Negan wasn't even looking into his eyes then. Rick casually wiped away his tears when Negan moved to kiss him. The kiss was sensual and slow moving and Rick could taste the desperation.

 

 

  
When they were finished Negan got them both cleaned up and held Rick close. And the guiltiness was just gutting Rick so terribly. Nothing would be able to help quell that no matter how just his reasoning for betraying Negan was.

 

 

"I told Simon to take care of shit today so I'm free to do whatever the hell you want. We could go for round two or lounge around all day. Whatever you want, Rick." Negan stroked Rick's head with his gloved hand.

 

 

Rick took his opportunity, "Actually I was thinkin' we could go on a run. Been a while since I left the Sanctuary to do anythin' really. I need to get back out there. We could go just the two of us."

 

 

"A little bonding time huh? I do love to watch you work. We could take a supply truck and see what we find out there but I can't guarantee shit. Most of the nearby places have been cleaned out." Negan mentioned in a discouraging tone.

 

 

"We could always bring some things back to Alexandria..maybe make this an overnight trip? I did one major one with Michonne before, we fell through the roof of a building."

 

 

Rick didn't know why he was reminiscing about the past but Negan didn't seem bothered. In fact he laughed at their misfortune and asked him to carry on. They talked briefly about their time at the carnival and then Rick encouraged them to go. His plan was in motion and now all he had to do was not fuck it up.

 

"I guess you'll need a weapon 'cause Lucille and a knife won't be enough if we run into a herd. Your gun is locked up in the armory so I'll grab you that and some bullets."

 

 

"Thank you, that'd be great."

* * *

 

 

 

Dwight didn't have a whole lot of faith in Rick Grimes. He actually didn't trust very many people that were involved with Negan. Most of them were snakes that wanted to get ahead in the hierarchy. And Dwight despised how easily everyone got lost in what Negan thought. The man had all the people fooled that he was their Savior. That the Saviors were people who made the world a better place. He lost his wife because of Negan, he lost everything he cared about because of Negan. More importantly he lost himself because of Negan.

 

  
He would play his part of making sure Simon didn't get out of control when Rick did his part. The Sanctuary would probably want to go to war again, he had to make sure it didn't happen. If that meant killing Simon and all the head Saviors, he would.

 

 

Everything was riding on Rick so if he was as good of a man that everyone claimed, then he would get the job done.

* * *

 

 

  
Loading up the truck with a few supplies didn't take very long. They were only going on their "run" for a little over a day. So Rick brought water and some food for later. Alexandria had no clue he was bringing Negan there. He didn't have anyone who could alert them. Dwight was the only person who would gladly go there to say something. But he had to take care of the Saviors at the Sanctuary. Once Negan didn't return when he said he would, they would know something was up. And the first place the Saviors would check would be Alexandria.

 

Rick had no intentions of killing Negan unless it genuinely came to it. The thought of pulling a gun on the man after everything was harder now. Negan would probably be confused at first or he would clue in after a few minutes.

 

 

One plan that Rick thought of was bringing Negan to the cell and locking him in there. While that seemed like the most cowardly way to go about it, it would be simpler. Rick jolted out of his thoughts once Negan squeezed his leg. They were driving to wherever had supplies. Majority of the buildings were either not safe to enter or cleared out. Rick left his wander as he glanced out the car window.

 

 

Negan forgot to grab a CD or two for the supply truck so they were listening to nothing. So that meant Negan filled up the gaps of silence with stupid jokes or dirty suggestions.

 

 

Eventually they stopped outside of a building that looked promising in Negan's eyes. They got out of the truck together and did a walk around the building. If they were to run into any problems it would be coming from the outside. No humans were around but there were a few walkers. Negan took some out with Lucille and Rick used his python.

 

 

After killing the walkers they went inside of the musky building that was clearly an old store. There wasn't much left in the way of fresh food but Rick could tell there were some supplies. He almost wondered what it would be like to head into Atlanta again with a huge,fully armed, group.

 

 

It seemed more plausible to stick together than venture out so Rick stuck close to Negan. Every couple of minutes he contemplated knocking him out. Getting him to Alexandria like that wouldn't go over well but it was another cowardly option. Was Negan really owed an explanation or did Rick just want to give him one?

 

 

The question lingered for a while in Rick's head until he got back to grabbing supplies. They found some toys for Judith, some items that no one ever thought to grab. Negan tossed some towels his way and said that 'you can never have too many towels.'

 

 

Rick almost forgot why they were even on a run in the first place. The supplies would end up going to Alexandria but his intentions were to lure Negan to the community. He was beginning to feel like a snake in the grass or a shark in the water. Just waiting to attack and make his move.

 

 

While they searched throughout the building Rick kept thinking about Negan's reaction. Would he rage out and try to kill him for the betrayal? Would he have a broken down look on his face? He clearly trusted Rick at least a tiny bit to let him have his gun so freely.

 

 

He continued to wonder about it as he showed various items into his bag. There were a lot of small supplies like band aids, some tooth brushes, cheap oudated candy that Carl might like, socks and other things. From across the way Negan found very little himself. Most likely he would get them to leave already because the place was practically cleaned out. It made trips to local places a lot more pointless nowadays. The only places that would have more supplies would be Atlanta. Which Rick knew damn well what awaited for them there.

 

 

Rick signaled for Negan to come over his way so they could get going. "There's nothin' of use to us here..we should go."

 

 

"You sure you wanna leave right now? We've got the place to ourselves." Negan shot him a seductive wink. "No one around for miles."

 

 

"Really? You choose now to be horny." Rick didn't even hide his amusement.

 

 

"When it comes to you, I can fuck almost anywhere. Hell, I'd probably even fuck you in that garbage heap that dumpster chick owns. What the fuck is her name again?"

 

 

"Jadis."

 

 

"That's right! She's a fucking weirdo, her and her people. Anyhoo let's head the fuck out." Negan exclaimed before whistling that same tune he always did.

 

 

Rick followed Negan out of the building with that shitty feeling still carving him out in the inside.

 

 

There was something not right about Rick and Negan desperately wanted to know what it was. Since he was easily persuaded by the man he didn't pay it much mind before they fucked. He actually found himself willingly falling into the abyss. Which he resented Rick for even breaking him down like that. Negan let Rick drive the vehicle to see if he had a clue where to go next. It turned out Rick was just as directionless.

 

 

For someone who seemed keen on going on a run, he wasn't prepared. That raised a bit of a red flag for Negan in his mind and that didn't sit well.

 

 

Negan paid close attention Rick's body language to see if he was tense. Sure enough he was as tense as a priest in a fucking strip club.

 

  
Whatever Rick was hiding it would come out eventually because it always did. And if Rick wasn't willing to speak then Negan would make sure he did.

 

  
Maybe he'd gone a bit too soft on Rick, maybe sticking to his original approach was better. The one where he treated Rick like a fucking object. Instead of having feelings and being soft and accommodating.

 

  
"Stop the car." Negan mumbled just loud enough for Rick to know what he said.

 

 

"What? Why would I stop the car right now? Do you need to pull over and piss or somethin'?" Rick's eyebrow quirked up confusingly.

 

 

"Just stop the fucking car for a minute."

 

 

"I'm confused -"

 

 

Negan smacked his hand right on the dashboard. "What the fuck is so confusing about you stopping the goddamn car? It's pretty goddamn simple if you ask me. So do it."

 

 

Rick clenched his jaw and slammed the brakes so hard Negan almost flung through the window.

 

 

"You're so goddamn lucky that I don't just - " Negan realized what he was about to say and hated himself for it. All their progress, or whatever progress they made was gone.

 

 

"If you wanna hurt me at least do it anywhere but face so Carl won't see." Rick kept staring ahead at the endless road in front of them.

 

 

"I don't wanna hurt you, Rick. I don't wanna be this person who just hurts you. Whatever the fuck we have together is fucked up in a lot of ways. I know that."

 

 

"You'll never change, that's the problem."

 

 

The words reminded him of something that Lucille told him during an argument once. It was before she got sick and she was absolutely livid. Negan deserved every single word she flung at him. He deserved to be treated like shit because he didn't deserve her either.

 

  
Negan could hear the words crystal clear in his head. She said outright that he'll never change, that her mom told her the same damn thing. Now here he was, an even worse person than before except he was with Rick. He was with a man who indefinitely despised him still.

 

 

"Lucille said the same shit to me y'know? And she was a smart person, she always knew that I was a selfish asshole. It just took her marrying me to realize just how much." Negan attempted to make eye contact with Rick but failed. "I won't blame you if you leave. I probably won't even get mad about it."

 

 

"But you told me that you'd destroy Alexandria." Rick shook his head.

 

 

The odds of Rick staying with him for another month were low so he accepted it. Negan was finally accepting that he ruined it on his own. "I know what I fucking told you but things change..things change all the damn time Rick."

 

 

"Are you serious 'bout this? If I leave you won't try to kill everyone?"

 

 

"I'm serious now just drive, there's no point being on this trip anymore."

 

* * *

 

 

 

_"You're so goddamn perfect, Rick." Negan nuzzled against Rick's naked chest and breathed in his scent._

 

_"No one's perfect. I'm just a man." Rick replied back with a sleepy voice._

 

_"I know that but compared to me you're fucking flawless. Your people actually respect you and care what happens to you. Mine would probably have a fire and dance on my fucking ashes if I died."_

 

_"That ain't true. You know that ain't true."_

 

_"It's totally fucking true. I can't say I blame them for secretly wishing me dead or gone." Negan chewed his bottom lip out of nervousness. "Do you wish that?"_

 

_"Do I wish what?" Rick planted a kiss against his disheveled hair._

 

_"Do you still wish me dead?"_

 

_"No."_

 

_Negan rolled his eyes, "Oh come on! Not even a fucking little?"_

 

_"If I still wished you dead then I'd probably just kill you myself. Does that make you feel any better?" Rick chuckled above him._

 

_"Not really." Negan admitted honestly. "It doesn't matter anyways because I still love you."_

 

_"That was really corny you know that right?"_

 

_"Of course I do."_

 

 

  
"Negan! Hey! We're at Alexandria!" Rick shook at Negan's shoulders violently because he wasn't waking up otherwise. Once the older man jolted awake he noticed he was sweating.

 

 

_What a dream._

 

 

"Oh shit. I fucking didn't realize I passed out." Negan slicked back his dark hair and noticed it was later in the day.  "Our trip didn't go as planned."

 

 

"No, it didn't." Rick choked on his words a little bit.

 

 

 

"What's eating you? You look like absolute shit right now." Negan pointed out bluntly.

 

 

 

What was eating at Rick was how he'd be turning his gun on Negan in a bit. How he would be guiding the man to the cell that he'd spend years if not the rest of his life in. Rick would inform Michonne to get the cell ready once he saw her. And then he'd carry out the rest of his plan once he felt ready to.

 

 

Rick didn't give Negan a response and instead opened the car door to get out. That clearly wasn't a good enough response for Negan because he got out too. Since Carl was guarding the wall again he came down immediately and let Rick and Negan inside.

 

 

  
Instead of finding Michonne, Rick told Carl what was going to happen. At first his son stared at him like he'd gone over the deep end. No one expected him to betray Negan like this. Carl kept asking him if he really meant it. He told him that he did and that he needed to hurry.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Negan didn't know what the fuck to think when Rick pulled his gun on him. Out of shock he ended up dropping Lucille to the ground. "What the hell are you doing, Rick?"

 

 

"I'm finishing this. I have to." Rick's hand was shaking but he didn't stumble on his words.

 

 

"You're gonna kill me? Is that what you're telling me right now?" Negan glanced between the gun and Rick's tear stained face.

 

 

"If it comes to that I will but if you don't struggle then I'll make sure no harm comes to you."

 

 

He couldn't believe his goddamn ears. Negan was trying to figure out if he should get angry or cry. Most likely he would end up doing both. Did Rick have this planned all along? Was the marriage just a way to get close to trick him? Negan never counted on Rick being brave enough to turn on him.

 

 

Negan didn't really count on a lot of things now that he thought about it. "Was this your plan all along?"

 

 

"Please just walk with me and don't try anythin' stupid." Rick avoided the question entirely and Negan wasn't having that bullshit.

 

 

"Answer me when I fucking ask you a question! Was this your plan all along? Drag me all the way to Alexandria so you could what? Imprison me? Did you forget I got a whole army of people back home?"

 

 

"I didn't forget that. Dwight's gonna take care of it for me."

 

 

Of fucking course Dwight would help Rick turn against him because that scarred face fucker hated him. And his reasons for hating him were basically because of Sherry. If he had any sense he'd move on from her considering she left him.

 

 

Negan started to cackle just thinking about Dwight handling it. "It's really come down to this. You couldn't just - "

 

 

"No I couldn't." Rick interrupted and gave him a look that was a mesh between despair and anger.

 

 

Instead of trying to get the fuck out of there Negan complied to Rick. He was eventually lead to what was very obviously a jail cell. Negan scoffed at the conditions of the place but didn't bother pleading with Rick. The man made up his mind when he pulled his weapon out.

 

 

When Negan stepped inside the cell the door was closed on him immediately. As if he was planning to try to escape when Rick was pointing a gun at him.

 

 

The cell didn't have a cot or anything in it so Negan would be stuck on the floor. "You really think you'll keep me in here?"

 

 

"My mind is made up, Negan. I don't know what else you want me to tell you." Rick looked pained even having to say those words to him.

 

 

 

"If you really didn't give a fuck about me then you wouldn't look so sad. Lemme guess you realized last minute that you love me too, huh?"

 

 

 

"I'll be back in a bit to bring you somethin' to sleep on and some food."

 

 

 

Negan bashed his hands against the bars and it didn't phase Rick as much as he needed it to. "You can't fucking leave me in here! Not in this fucking place!"

 

 

 

Without even giving him another glance Rick left him in the cell. Negan desperately kept screaming at Rick to come back and talk. The reality was setting in that he wouldn't be able to convince Rick of anything, not anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave me comments on here & or in my side blog inbox (rickbisexualgrimes) ! I will warn y'all that the next chapter will be extremely shitty as there is no happy ending.


	16. Hollowed Out Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The unwavering support from some of y'all has been motivation for me to continue writing this. At one point I almost gave up tbh but thankfully I didn't. Now I have officially reached the end of this successful piece of work. It sucks but even good shit comes to an end eventually. 
> 
>  
> 
> So thanks again for those left encouraging comments, those who pressed the kudos button, bookmarked & subscribed!! That shit does keep us writers motivated. 
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy this very complex chapter, hope u like it.

Smacking his hand against the wall was a stupid fucking idea, but what else could Negan do? He was betrayed by the one person he didn't and did expect it from.

 

Instead of turning Rick inside out like a shirt, that very thing happened to him. Negan felt pitiful because being a victim (at least in the new world) wasn't his wheelhouse. What he was used to was crippling other people and making them bend to his will. It wasn't a flawless system but for the longest time it worked. Then along came Rick fucking Grimes and his whole world flipped onto its back.

 

  
Negan started out mentally tormenting Rick from the moment they met. That time in the foggy ass field was a real thrill ride for Negan to witness. And then slapping him in front of his people was dick hardening. From there Negan thought he had it made when it came to Rick. The guy was drop dead fucking gorgeous with a thick accent to boot. Yet he wasn't as compliant as Negan needed. Rick constantly defied him whether he glared at him or got a bit snippy.

 

  
Their relationship was never on stable ground so Negan tried not to be surprised it ended badly. Nothing that starts off rocky has a good ending. A relationship such as theirs was bound to end in betrayal or death. In Negan's case he was the one getting fucking screwed over. His intentions later down the road were undecided but he had no plans to hurt Carl or Judith.

 

  
For the first few days of being in the cell he wondered why no one had come for him. Was Dwight's pull at the Sanctuary a lot deeper than he ever imagined? Did anyone really give two fucks about him? There were no mentions of Simon, Arat, Laura or any of his high ranking Saviors. Rick kept repeating over and over that no one was coming for him.

 

  
Though instead of truly believing Rick because he was damn good at lying, he shrugged it off. Negan waited for the moment that his Saviors would blow through Alexandria like strong winds. After several days passed he lost his fucking patience with everyone. Someone clearly made a deal with Alexandria, Dwight or whoever the fuck. He wasn't just locked up without an arrangement in place.

 

  
Negan waited until day five to ask Rick what the fuck was really going on. His now ex-husband was bringing him some dinner alongside new toiletries. As if sleeping on a cot wasn't shitty enough but shitting in a bucket was ridiculous. Negan even asked Rick if it was possible to at least use a proper toilet. And Rick's response was that he didn't trust that he wouldn't escape.

 

 

"What the fuck is going on up there,huh? Your plan is to just keep me in this shitty cell? Where I'll shit in a bucket for the rest of my life? I'd rather be let loose into the fucking woods." Negan almost got tempted to toss the contents of his bucket on Rick. "I'd never do this shit to you."

 

 

"No. You're right. You'd do worse." Rick snorted under his breath. "Get used to this 'cause you won't be gettin' out for a long time if ever."

 

 

"Aw baby, I doubt you'd go too long without my dick inside you. Whatdya say? I'll slip my dick through one of these bars and you can bounce back on it."

 

 

"Maybe I'm done with all that. Maybe I'm goin' back to what it was before."

 

 

Negan felt the sting of those words despite them not being actually true. "You're such a bullshitter. By the way we never really got to discuss your feelings for me."

 

 

  
"What feelings?" Rick crossed his arms stubbornly. "I coulda been delusional that whole time."

 

 

"I don't fucking think so 'cause you were practically sobbing that day you pulled a gun on me. So be fucking honest already and say that you love me too.

 

 

The pause that came after Negan said that felt endless if he was being honest. Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and set his other hand on his hip. Normally when he did that it indicated frustration.

 

 

Negan smirked and kept that smirk on his face until Rick caught his eye again. "So? What's your answer?"

 

 

"I hate you.." Rick gritted his teeth. "I hate you so goddamn much and yet I just..I fell for you anyways. This ain't some romantic moment so don't get too cocky. You're no good for me or anyone."

 

 

"That wasn't what I was asking, Rick." Negan's face went softer than he intended.

 

 

"You don't deserve to hear me say that, ever. Enjoy your meal and I'll be back tomorrow to bring you food and empty your bucket."

 

 

When Rick turned on his heel it was obvious to Negan that he wasn't going to give him anything. At least not without any further pushing or poking. Negan had all the time in the world so he needed to occupy his time.

 

* * *

 

Rick splashed cold water on his face once he got back home. Everyone was scattered about because they wanted to avoid him. Michonne had more valid reasons of being angry but Carl was still disappointed. His marriage to Negan had caused a rift in all of his relationships.

 

Sitting around in an overly quiet house wasn't Rick's idea of enjoyable. So he checked on Judith and she was safe and sound in her crib.

 

  
Rick checked  to see if Carl was home and for whatever reason he wasn't. The likelihood that he was guarding the wall was high so he wasn't worried about him. In fact Rick felt more proud that his son was actively taking care of the community.

 

  
As for Michonne she didn't need to be checked on so he left the house without notifying her. He paced up and down the street longer than he wanted to. Until he decided to stride right back to the cell to speak to Negan. The man drove him up the damn wall but he went right back.

 

  
The older man was seated on his cot with his hands clasped together. Rick didn't bother to make much of an entrance because Negan knew he was there. Their eyes connected in a mutual sadness then Rick turned away.

 

  
Rick continued to stand there just observing Negan's facial expression. They ranged from desperation or confusion as to what he was meant to say. Normally he'd spout off like an out of control tap but not this time. Apparently Rick was the one who needed to begin another conversation.

 

  
"I hope you don't think you're gettin' outta here." Rick sighed when he saw Negan smiling. "If you think you can manipulate me -"

 

 

Negan gave him a massive eye roll, "Don't I fucking wish it was that easy. Why'd you come back? To talk? To fuck?"

 

 

"You really think I'd fuck you while you're in this cell? For one thing you'd probably try to kill me."

 

 

"Actually no, I wouldn't. This whole plan to keep me locked up will back fire on you, mark my fucking words. You'll need me somewhere along the way. And I'll happily offer my assistance just to prove myself right. Whether it's to get your rocks off or to help out with a problem. It's just a matter of fucking time."

 

 

Rick pretended like it couldn't be true, that Negan would never be needed for anything. "It won't happen."

 

 

"Actually, cowboy, it fucking will happen. Right now I can even see it in your eyes, you wanna bounce on my dick again. I can't say I blame you 'cause we had some good sex." Negan rolled his shoulders dramatically.

 

 

Resisting Negan felt damn near impossible and Rick was wavering between fucking him and not doing so. What if someone walked in on them screwing? If it was Michonne then she'd never speak to him again. And if it were anyone else they'd probably lock him up too.

 

 

Rick was already sweaty but he could have sworn that Negan was making him sweat more. That wasn't the worst part because Negan clearly noticed. Since he still had his gun he would shoot if he had to. Rick seriously hated how much he needed it.

 

 

Without even warning Negan what was happening he got the cell door opened. The older man was wide eyed like he had no idea what to expect. Rick kept the door open enough that wouldn't lock himself in. His gun was still in its holster so he wasn't worried about it. Plus if Negan wanted to escape he would have tried to lunge already.

 

 

The lust that was sweeping him away screamed for him to kiss Negan. So that's what he did, Rick planted both hands on either side of his face. When their lips pressed together he let himself really kiss the man. There was no holding back to the point where it ached. Rick felt tongue slip between his teeth and he wasn't bothering to fight.

 

 

Instead of letting Negan bend him over or lay him out on his back, he took the reigns. Rick got Negan on his stomach angrily, which made the older man chuckle. Of course Negan would take pleasure out of him losing himself. He asked Negan if he was prepared for it and he assured that there wouldn't be issues.

 

 

Rick's hands spread Negan's cheeks open to get his fingers in. Since the man didn't have a lot to handle it didn't take much. After loosening Negan up he got himself situated. He didn't have lube on his person so he had no chose but to use spit. Rick didn't have any intention of being gentle.

 

 

And he wasn't.

 

 

With one angry thrust he was balls deep inside of Negan. They both growled for different reasons and Rick fucked him at a brutal pace.

 

  
He fucked him like there was no time left to do so, he fucked Negan with all the frustration that was pent up and made no silent apologies for it.

 

 

Rick continued to pound into Negan and shoved his face into the cot so he couldn't hear him. No one would ever find out, it would be between them.

 

 

* * *

 

"Where's your daddy?" Negan asked Carl who was bringing him food instead of Rick.

 

 

Carl stared at him with the most blank expression in his one eye. "He didn't say why he wasn't coming. All he did was tell me that you needed to be brought your lunch."

 

 

The main thing that confused Negan was how Rick had been consistent until now. From what he gathered it was almost a month of him being in the cell. After asking so many times he was finally told that Dwight was now leading the Saviors. That gave him a good laugh for a few days. What also made him laugh was how Rick had a hard time looking at him.

 

 

Negan took the lunch that Carl was handing to him through the bars. "Tell your daddy that I need to talk to him. So he better be here when dinner comes around."

 

 

"What makes you think I'll tell him that?" Carl challenged with a semi serious look. "I don't even like you."

 

 

"You like me a lot more than you think. In fact I think you admire just a little bit deep down." Negan waited for Carl to inevitably snap at him but that moment never came. Instead he got an eye roll in response and the boy just stomped off into the distance.

 

 

 

  
Later on Rick did come to bring him dinner but he seemed miffed about something. To show that he was willing to talk he brushed his fingers against Rick's hand. The touch was very brief and not as effective as Negan hoped for.

 

Rick chewed on his bottom lip in contemplation. "What?"

 

 

"You look upset and you haven't even been by lately. What's going on up there?" Negan shifted through his bag and saw the containers of food. At least they weren't as shitty as him and fed him actual food.

 

 

"Why the hell do you care?" Rick hissed with tears in his eyes, his hand was fondling his gun.

 

 

"Sometimes I wish you'd just do it." Negan murmured and passed another glance towards Rick's colt python. "I hate this fucking cell, I hate that we never really got a chance.."

 

 

"Would we have ever really trusted each other? C'mon you gotta be honest with yourself and really think. We're two different people." 

 

 

"Actually." Negan chuckled under his breath. "We're a lot more alike than you realize or want to realize."

 

 

  
"No. We're not." Rick had no malice in his voice but it was as if he wanted to convince himself. That was usually his tone when he felt defeated.

 

  
   
"We are, now the infamous questions is what do you actually feel for me 'cause - "

 

 

"Enough! Enough askin' me that 'cause you won't get the answer you're hoping for. I have an obligation to my people..I have to think of them."

 

 

"That's the goddamn problem. That was always the problem! You kept thinking of what they wanted from you but what about what you fucking want? Do your people ever ask you that?"

 

 

"Fine. You know what? I want you still, I lay awake at night and I want you. But I can't have you, I can't have that. I shouldn't have slept with you 'cause it made it harder on me. My feelings for you are complicated, that's all I can tell you."

 

 

They left the discussion there and Negan proceeded to ask Rick if he could have some new clothes. He was also in desperate need of a shower but that wasn't in the near future. Instead he would be stuck bathing from a bucket. Negan despised that he was stuck having to do that.

 

 

As soon as Rick left him for the evening he replayed their conversation until he fell asleep.

 

* * *

  
Months inevitably passed by. Negan lost his mind a little and Rick allowed him to stretch his legs. Of course he had a gun to his back but it was something. Eventually that become a regular activity that Rick secretly let Negan have.

 

Negan felt touch starved or more like he felt like he was feigning for Rick's touch. Sometimes Rick would touch him briefly then pull away when it got sexual.

 

 

To have Rick just kill him would be a better fate than life in the cell.

 

* * *

 

  
One thing he didn't ever expect to happen was Dwight swinging by alongside Rick. Somehow he didn't believe that Rick invited the guy. And judging by the smug look on his face, it wasn't planned. Dwight went on about how the Sanctuary was happier without him. How they preferred him as the ruler, how Simon was dead now.

 

 

Listening to Dwight's annoying ass go on was already torture enough. Even Rick seemed to be tired of it in the corner. Negan made sure to ask if Arat was still alive. She was always his favorite from the jump.

 

 

Dwight just nodded but didn't say much of anything else.

 

 

Negan didn't like how that looked so he asked Dwight again.

 

 

"She's alive, alright? She's just not cooperative and the only person she'll listen to is you or Laura. Which unfortunately Laura is locked up." Dwight shrugged as if he couldn't give a shit. "She tried to rally against me."

 

 

"Well good for her! I wish she had finished the fucking job. I'd celebrate right here in my cell." The rage that was in Dwight's eyes was barely startling so he leveled with the stringy haired man.

 

 

"You're never getting out, Negan. No one will want you even if you do. They've forgotten you. You see, you were a disease that the Sanctuary needed to be rid of. I'll be a better leader than you ever were."

 

 

"Sure thing, Dwighty boy."

 

* * *

 

Negan contemplated finding a way to get Rick to shoot him. Ending his misery was about all he had left to do for himself. His people didn't want him back and he was going on six months in the cell. No one was going to rescue him. No one wanted to help. It would just be him living his days out in a shit cell. He'd be shitting and pissing into a fucking bucket forever.

 

 

What type of existence was that? Having to shit into a bucket, sleeping on a cot, eating cold food and being alone.  And being without Rick for that matter.  No, he had to fucking do something. 

* * *

 

 

"Why won't you just kill me?" Negan curled up on his cot, trying to find a good position that he felt comfortable in. The younger man just watched him from outside the cell.

 

 

 

"I don't want to and it would be too much of a mercy." Rick simply responded. "Believe me you wouldn't be the first person to ask that. Everyone always has somethin' to say."

 

 

"What does Michonne have to say? Are you back together?"

 

 

"No."

 

 

  
Negan felt genuinely puzzled because he figured now that he was out of the way it would happen. "Why the fuck not?"

 

 

"Since when do you want me with someone else?" Rick avoided eye contact.

 

 

"I want you to be happy and she made you happy from what I knew. Did she not want you back 'cause of me?" Negan already knew the answer.

 

 

"Yeah." Rick wiped the sweat from his brow. "We just - we'll never get back together."

 

 

  
"I'm sorry for that, Rick. I truly am." Negan gave him a sympathetic look but silently felt relieved. Having to hear about Rick finding solace somewhere else would be fucking shitty.

 

 

  
"Sure, you are."

 

 

"Being in this cell I've had nothing but time to think of all the shit I've done. To think of how much I need to apologize for. So you're gonna listen to what I have to say. I'm sorry that I ruined what you had with Michonne. I'm sorry that I couldn't have done better by you."

 

 

The apologies seemed to have made Rick feel overwhelmed. Negan noticed the younger man's lips trembling intensely. His intentions weren't to make him cry. But everything he did had the opposite effect. Since he was resigned to his cell he just stood quietly, waiting for Rick to speak to him. 

 

 

Rick broke down for a minute or two then went stoic. "I'll be back tomorrow. Don't do anythin' stupid or I will kill you."

 

* * *

 

One year of Negan being in the cell finally came and Rick felt uneasy. Killing Negan would probably be a better option, a more merciful one. Yet he couldn't bring himself to end Negan's life. He didn't want anyone to know why that tore him up. So he continued to focus on being the leader. Carl stepped up even more in Alexandria, Michonne frequently visited the Kingdom, Maggie's baby Hershel was getting bigger.

 

 

  
Everyone that Rick loved was thriving in some way, the communities were thriving and it wasn't enough. Sharing it all with Negan would be more satisfying. To have everyone be peaceful now was what he wanted. Negan was no longer leader of the Saviors so that helped.

 

 

  
Rick sat on his front porch with Judith and watched the stars. Someone came up from behind them and when Rick turned he saw Carl.

 

 

His son sat in the other white chair beside him, he was wearing navy blue pajama's and his hair was messy.

 

 

"What are you doin' up? I thought you were tired after that run today?" Rick held onto a sleeping Judith, she snored into shirt and clutched tight.

 

 

"I couldn't sleep for some reason and I noticed your bedroom was open. Why are you up?" Carl stretched his long limbs.

 

 

"I'm thinkin' of too much and my brain won't settle down."

 

 

  
"Are you uh - are you thinking of Negan?"

 

 

Hearing Carl outright ask him that startled him a little bit. Rick shifted uncomfortably in his seat and just shrugged. Which gave it away even more.

 

 

"It's alright if you are." Carl clarified. "I can't believe I'm saying this but he cares about you. In his own creepy way."

 

 

"Does that bother you? That he cares for me?" Rick focused his attention on Judith's wavy blonde hair.

 

 

"Not as much as it used to. I know that you care about him too, it's obvious."

 

 

Avoiding the topic at hand wasn't going to help Rick so he faced it head down for once. Out of anyone he really didn't imagine Carl would want to know about their relationship.

 

 

"I do." Rick glanced over at his son who didn't seem infuriated with him. It felt like a breath of fresh air to have someone not criticize or chew him out.

 

 

Carl moved his floppy brown hair to the side, "Do you love him? Like you loved Michonne?"

 

 

"Not like I loved Michonne, it's different and hard to explain. I want you to know that I would never jeopardize the community for him..not 'cause of my feelings." Rick was scraping at the bottom of the barrel, he just had to make Carl understand.

 

 

Carl nodded along, "Dad, it's alright, you don't have to tell me that."

 

 

"For a while there I know you thought I didn't care 'bout you or anyone else anymore. That was never it and you have to understand that. I never wanted to get swept by Negan, this wasn't what I wanted for the future."

 

 

"You deserve to be at peace, dad. Whatever makes you happy can't be all that terrible, right? In time maybe Negan will be the person that does."

 

* * *

 

 Not a single person in the room could believe what they were hearing. How in the hell could the dead talk? The man was clearly mentally ill and was imagining things.

 

 

  
Maggie seemed just as baffled as anyone and made sure the man went somewhere quiet. She was running the Hilltop now for the most part. Rick figured that would happen. If anyone was meant to run a community like that it was Maggie.

 

  
A lengthy discussion was had about what she should do to handle about the situation. Rick suggested that she let him rest alone until she approached him again.

 

  
"What the hell is goin' on?" Maggie whispered to Rick. "The dead don't talk, they can't so why did that man say he heard them whisperin'?"

 

  
Rick touched her shoulder in a comforting way. "Don't stress yourself out. You'll figure it out - we'll figure it out."

 

 

"You're right." Maggie smiled warmly at Rick.

 

 

The time that Negan mentioned to him so long ago was coming, the time when Rick would probably need his help. Rick took a deep breath thinking about having to ask him. He would put it off for as long as he could. If this was a serious situation then he would need Negan's help, his natural talent to grab disaster by the horns.

 

* * *

 

Negan didn't know the exact date but it had been two fucking years of him in the cell. Time went by strangely when you had no watch or a goddamn calendar. Spending that much time by himself gave him too much time to think. Mostly Negan thought about what could have been with Rick. How they could have changed the world together. If only Negan had approached the situation better.

 

 

  
He stroked his borderline lengthy beard and slicked back his hair. Not having regular access to a razor was a real bitch. Negan didn't want to look like a fucking redneck.

 

 

To pass the time he hummed along to songs he used to listen to. More specifically songs that made him think of Rick. The days of Rick actively visiting were fair and few. So he needed something to pass his time.

 

 

When he heard someone walking down the hallway his ears perked up. A wild grin spread on his face, a grin he thought he lost.

 

 

Negan stretched himself out on his cot, "Rick fucking Grimes, so what do I owe the pleasure? Come here to ease my aches, sheriff?"

 

 

"Right now ain't the time, I need your help." Rick said sternly.

 

 

The time had finally come where Rick did exactly what Negan said he would. And Negan was soaking up that fucking fact without any apologies.

 

  
For a moment he let Rick stew in his urgency because he enjoyed watching him squirm. Something about Rick sweating and needing him was still a turn on.

 

  
All those feelings were still there so Negan obviously wouldn't leave him hanging. Even though he deserved to be told to fuck all the way off.

 

 

"What the fuck do you need me for? I thought you said you would never need me? Your words are finally coming back to bite you."

 

 

"Are we really gonna play that game? Will you help me or not?"

 

 

"Depends. I may need somethin' in return for my services or assistance." Immediately Negan could tell that Rick thought he meant fucking. Which as much as Negan wouldn't mind getting Rick in his bed again, it wasn't what he meant.

 

 

"Do you really expect me to trade sex for help?" Rick growled and clenched his fists so tight that Negan thought he'd pop a blood vessel.

 

 

"Woah! Calm the fuck down darlin'.  I didn't mean that but if you really want it all you have to do is ask." Negan winked. "I meant I have terms, first I want outta this cell. If that means supervision I don't fucking care. Second we gotta seal the deal with a kiss."

 

 

"That all?"

 

 

"Pretty damn much. Take it or leave it."

 

 

That last part wasn't all that necessary and it was more for Negan's enjoyment. When Rick got the cell door opened and stood off to the side he joyfully got up. Being able to stretch his legs outside the confines of his cell was liberating. Plus being in close proximity to Rick again was a fucking delight.

 

 

  
Negan licked his lips and eyed Rick up and down like he used to. "So?"

 

 

"Lets just get this over with so you can shut up already." Rick put his hands on the back of Negan's neck and brought them closer.

 

 

Negan never realized that kissing Rick again would still feel thrilling. The passion that was pouring out on his end at least was overwhelming. They embraced each other strongly and Negan backed Rick up against a wall. He began to grind into the younger man earnestly.

 

 

  
They were getting carried away and naturally Rick was the one to stop them.

 

 

"I missed you, Rick."  Negan whispered against the shell of Rick's ear.

 

 

Surprisingly Rick whispered the same right back at him. After all that time of feeling shit and feeling hollowed out because of Rick, Negan was feeling full again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the reason that I didn't get Rick to say the four letter word to Negan was cuz I didn't think it fit the story. Normally in most canon verse fics there tends to be a moment like that. Since I try to break away from cliché moments I avoided that. It was obvious anyways that Rick felt strongly for Negan & that the betrayal was hard on him too.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, leave me comments here or shoot me an ask on my side blog (rickbisexualgrimes) !


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